mother in law madness!!!!

Ashley - posted on 04/16/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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so fed up just need to vent . live with my mother in law with my husband in a finished basement. to start off his mother in law always treated me different . she doesnt make me feel like family . more like the girl who just had her grand daugther and i never have done anything wrong to her .i cant use her car to go out so im always stuck home with my daughter all the time . im 20 and i live going out like any young parent . she gets to go out all day to the mall n i havent been to the mall since before i had my daugther (about 6 motnhs.) my husband doesnt bother cause she always argues with him for stupid stuff. theres six people in this small 3 bedroom house including basement n my husbands sister is going to have a baby and is moving in ,in our living room. i cant stand her. she left her first son with my in laws cause she started doing drugs now shes having another baby!?! i hear my daughter scream at night n im not ready to hear another baby thatbwill be 8 people living in this house . she talks crap and disrespects me all the time and . im lnot letting her watch my daughter anymore cause the last few times i let her and came back two hours later she didnt change my daughter diaper and she was crying from being in her own soaked pissed diaper for 2 hrs. like just goes to show what kind of mother she will be . i can barely tolerate my husbands family . is it a bad thing if i want to move back in with my mother. i love my husband and we plan on getting our iwn place but i dunno if i can wait in this house where im stuck 24/7. should i stick it out?? or pack my stuff and leave .

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Kristi - posted on 04/17/2013

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It sounds like a pretty unhealthy environment. Why wouldn't you just leave? Can't your husband go to your mother's with you?

YOU: "my husband doesnt bother cause she always argues with him for stupid stuff."

What doesn't he bother with?

You obviously aren't stuck there 24/7 if your SIL, who is a drug addict, is watching your baby long enough for her to become distraught over being left in her wet diaper too long, too often. It's kind of like the pot calling the kettle black...you say how horrible this woman is, what a terrible mother she is, yet you have repeatedly left your own baby with her. SMH

YOU: "i cant use her car to go out so im always stuck home with my daughter all the time . im 20 and i live going out like any young parent . she gets to go out all day to the mall n i havent been to the mall since before i had my daugther (about 6 motnhs.)"

A. It's her car.
B. You have a baby...yup, you're stuck with her for, at least, 18 years, deal with it.
C. All parents like to go out but we have responsibilities and priorities. Going out does not get to be at the top of the list anymore, especially when you can't even afford your own place to live.
D. She gets to go to the mall because her kids are grown, it's her time, her car and her money, none of which she owes to you.

My first husband and his whole family are a bunch of whack jobs, just to put it mildly. We lived with his mother for a little bit, too. Things were swell until I called the police to come and keep him away from me until I could get my things and get out. I was pregnant (this was before we were married, talk about asking for trouble) He was going berserk. After I called 911, he took off. His mother was like, "What's going?" So, here I am crying and rubbing my baby bump and I told...then she tried to push me down the f***ing stairs! So, I totally get the in-law rant.

But, it seems to me there are things you should, could be doing to alleviate some of your problems and you could start by accepting responsibility for the fact that you have to be a grown up now and partying, shopping and mani/Pedis are no longer on the "to do" list. Grocery shopping is, diaper shopping is but not new clothes, not new shoes or handbags. Job "shopping" could be on the list, apartment shopping. If things are as bad as you say, start off with a one bedroom. Your daughter doesn't need her own room. After I left my first husband, I couldn't afford much rent. I had to work 2-3 jobs sometimes. I compromised a little on the size and a little on the neighborhood. Neither were ideal but nor were they bad and anything was better than living with him. Priorities.

My advice would be to quit sitting around all day, bitching about what kind of assholes everyone is and do something productive about improving your own situation. If that means going to live with your mother, then do it.

Kristi - posted on 04/17/2013

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You said you're 20 and you "were" in the military. (thank you for your service) Why didn't you stay in the military? It doesn't sound like you even completed your enlistment tour.

I got news for you right now. If you want to work outside the home and your husband won't "let" you, what else do you think he won't let you do, especially once you're in PR? You think you're going nuts now? You are being alienated from your own family as it is. Do you have any of your own friends? Why can't you take your baby out for walks now? Did you ever stop to think this woman is treating you like a child because your husband is treating you like one or because you're behaving like one?

You can't wait to move just so you can withhold your child from her grandparents because turn about is fair play?! Do you have any idea how disgusting that statement is? Combined with your "I learned early, I barely touch my/pick up my kid" statement in another thread, I want to puke. You leave her with a drug addict who neglects her. You can't afford your own "anything." I think his mother is doing you a favor by purchasing all those clothes and diapers.

Woman up. Grow up. Take responsibility for yourself, at the very least. Your daughter is not an accessory or a toy to be shown off or put away when it's convenient, she's not a bartering chip or something to be held for blackmail. If she's too much for you to deal with, that's fine. Admit it and do right by her by granting guardianship to someone who loves her unconditionally and will allow others to love her unconditionally. But, understand this, my money says your husband is, at the very least, psychologically abusing you. It will get worse. He will do the same to your daughter. Mark. My. Words. She deserves a fighting chance, she did not ask to be here, you owe her that much.

You are only 20 years old. The decisions you are making now will and do affect the rest of your life. I made a very bad choice at age 18 and it steam rolled. I'm finally working clear of all that now. I will be 42 next month. I have an 18 year old son who I haven't seen since he was 10, except in pictures on my daughter's FB page. Different dad's. My daughter and I were both abused by her father as were 2 of her half sisters that lived with us, she no longer has a dad. It should have happened the night his mother tried to push me down the stairs or a hundred times after that. She and her sisters never should have been subjected to his abuse. Poor decision making by me and their mom.

I could go on about bad decision making and the long term affects but you'll either get it or you won't. You'll fuck up along the way no matter what, we all do. But, you are at a crossroads right now and it is an important one for you and your daughter. You need to put your big girl panties and your thinking cap on and clear your mind and think about what/who you have in your life and your responsibilities, what/who is healthy in your life and what/who you are going to need to take care of your responsibilities and provide a healthy lifestyle. I'll give you a little head start....In order of importance: God, your daughter......then you.................then, maybe your husband because he's an abuser so he's a long shot 3rd place.

Good luck!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/17/2013

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I haven't seen any reason why you cannot move out. If your spouse is uncooperative, leave him there. If he's so damned controlling, get out now.

Quit making excuses. If you WERE in the military, you weren't taught to "accept" your situation, you were taught to work to change it for the better.

I agree with Kristi's post. You sound like you expect one hell of a lot out of this situation, and are pissed that you aren't getting it.

You piss & moan about your SIL being unfit, yet it's ok for you to leave YOUR kid with her? Um...yeah, I'm SMH too on that one. If a person is an unfit parent, why the bloody hell would you leave your child with them?

Your MIL goes to the mall, but you haven't been in *gasp* months. You claim to not be materialistic, but a few sentences before that, you say that you "live going out like any young parent"...FYI, I was young when I had my kids. Ya know what? I didn't "live going out". I lived in my home, taking care of my kids. I went out maybe once every 2 months. MAYBE. You're a parent, not a party girl.

You can't use HER car! Oh, the horror! Get your own, or take public transport.

If you don't like your situation, change it. Stop telling yourself that you can't do anything. Like I said, if it's that horrible, if he's THAT CONTROLLING, get your shit together, and get out, and on your feet.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/17/2013

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Well then you and your husband seriously need to find a way to move out on your own. Sounds like a terrible place to live.

Ashley - posted on 04/17/2013

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thanks for the tough love maybe hard to read but i can take it. let me explain before i met my husband i was doing my own thing i served our military had gotten accepted to a university the whole 9 but i gave up everything and i go out and talk to people they all wanna hire a vet but my husband doesnt let me work. like literally i have tryed and we did nothing but fight. i tried leaving mto my parents big fights.
dont take me like that girl that is materialistic cause im not military showed me the most important thing in life is ur gun but my most important thing is my family
i havent went shopping for clothes since i moved in with my husband, i only got a mani pedi once inmy life im not into that bt im just dieing till it gets hot to take walk with my daugther in her stroller. to the park.
being a stay at home mom wasnt my plan. i love working and making my own money. had jobs since i turn 15 always a go getter but i just feel stuck in a corner without jepordizing my marriege .
its her car but whenever my husband gets his hands on it he lets me driver im certified to drive trucks in the military. kinda insults me tat she thinks i cant drive a little honda accord. and everytime we do go out she calls us every 1hr to ask where we at like we little kids which i cant stand but my husband doesnt seem to mind
sometimes i wanna open my mouth n tell everyone to F off but concern that once i open my mouth it jepordizing my relationship.
he diesnt but in cause hes a stupid mammas biy n everytie i tell him to tell her something he gives her 1million excuses
i dont even get to buy her diaper. his mom will pick him up after work amd shell take him shopping ill be upstairs on the 1st floor sitting down and shell literally wait till i go downstairs to get up and leave to go to the stores just so i wont ask?? .his mom buys her clothes which i hate cause i feel like i dint need them to help we can handle our daugther ourselves. feel like a little kd when im a grow as women. i was happy n content a few months back we had a car that his father bought but his father made him sell it cause we supposibly moving to puerto rico this summer to live our life and have our own place.
only reason when im really trying to hold my tongue cause feel like we so close but so far. his mom talks so much crap about him that hes lately became fed up and we discussed once we go to puerto to search for our first apartment we are going to be far from his parents n i will definitely give her a hard time to see her grand daugther when we do. cause what goes around comes around
and sorry for what u went threw . crazy sh$t thats one thing i cant deal wth is someone touching me .

Ashley - posted on 04/17/2013

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thanks for the tough love maybe hard to read but i can take it. let me explain before i met my husband i was doing my own thing i served our military had gotten accepted to a university the whole 9 but i gave up everything and i go out and talk to people they all wanna hire a vet but my husband doesnt let me work. like literally i have tryed and we did nothing but fight. i tried leaving mto my parents big fights.
dont take me like that girl that is materialistic cause im not military showed me the most important thing in life is ur gun but my most important thing is my family
i havent went shopping for clothes since i moved in with my husband, i only got a mani pedi once inmy life im not into that bt im just dieing till it gets hot to take walk with my daugther in her stroller. to the park.
being a stay at home mom wasnt my plan. i love working and making my own money. had jobs since i turn 15 always a go getter but i just feel stuck in a corner without jepordizing my marriege .
its her car but whenever my husband gets his hands on it he lets me driver im certified to drive trucks in the military. kinda insults me tat she thinks i cant drive a little honda accord. and everytime we do go out she calls us every 1hr to ask where we at like we little kids which i cant stand but my husband doesnt seem to mind
sometimes i wanna open my mouth n tell everyone to F off but concern that once i open my mouth it jepordizing my relationship.
he diesnt but in cause hes a stupid mammas biy n everytie i tell him to tell her something he gives her 1million excuses
i dont even get to buy her diaper. his mom will pick him up after work amd shell take him shopping ill be upstairs on the 1st floor sitting down and shell literally wait till i go downstairs to get up and leave to go to the stores just so i wont ask?? .his mom buys her clothes which i hate cause i feel like i dint need them to help we can handle our daugther ourselves. feel like a little kd when im a grow as women. i was happy n content a few months back we had a car that his father bought but his father made him sell it cause we supposibly moving to puerto rico this summer to live our life and have our own place.
only reason when im really trying to hold my tongue cause feel like we so close but so far. his mom talks so much crap about him that hes lately became fed up and we discussed once we go to puerto to search for our first apartment we are going to be far from his parents n i will definitely give her a hard time to see her grand daugther when we do. cause what goes around comes around
and sorry for what u went threw . crazy sh$t thats one thing i cant deal wth is someone touching me .

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