Mother in-law ruining my marriage! Husband letting it happen.

Alyssa - posted on 06/28/2015 ( 13 moms have responded )

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The title says it all.

I am aware I am not the only woman going through this.

My husband and I have been married for a short while.
Only one problem - He is a massive Mama's boy and I had no idea it was this bad.
His Mother is rude and disrespectful to me and my side of family. Yet my Husband does not stand up for me. She communicates through face book and text messages so he can read into it,

At our wedding she completely turned into the devil, she was rude to my friends and family. And her wedding speech was just about my husbands achievements - absolutely nothing about me. Because she was in a horrid mood she made the wedding about herself and her feelings. Husband forgave her the next day for that one. And blamed me for the way she was acting.

She constantly lets her son down with her negetive comments, even about his choices in life but yet he always reply's with a "sorry" or tells her how much he loves her and he will do better etc;
I think it is disgusting and very embarrassing.
I've spoken to him about this "issue" and he agrees with me and is aware of what she is like. I've told him she needs to go, He will lie and say he never hears from her, but the secret messages and phone calls when I am not around say otherwise.
Why is my husband doing this to himself? And why is he keeping it a secret when he talks to her?

I am 9 weeks pregnant with his child.
I feel like I don't even know who my husband is anymore. Need advice!!!!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Cutemommy - posted on 07/01/2015

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my husband was like that until i couldn't take it anymore and left him. A little less than a year later we got back together, and he put his mom in her place (as just a mother and not a wife). I guess the months while I was gone he started to see things for himself. I don't recommend leaving but I can recommend knowing when the right time to leave is. If you are not being treated with dignity and respect why stay. I would cry myself to bed sometimes, it was that bad. Now his mom is extremely nice which scares me because i still don't trust her, but I go out of my way to be nice because that is still his mother and my daughters grandmother. When he starts to put you above her in your rightful place she will either back off or learn to love you. I say learn because its hardly natural for some mother in laws to love the women their sons choose. keep your happiness dont let her rob you of that, he needs counseling.

Arrdieu - posted on 06/30/2015

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Sit your husband down and tell him how you feel about the mum coming between you two, i think your both old enough to now what you both wants without mum intruding, !

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/29/2015

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1) You knew this about him prior to marriage. He didn't just wake up on your wedding day and decide to let his mother run everything.
2) If you want it to work, you both need to commit to counseling. If he won't, make sure you have solid paternity proven and get custody and support established as soon as baby is born, because this relationship ain't gonna last if it stays this way.

Candie - posted on 06/29/2015

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Have you considered marriage counseling? There may be some underlying issues to why this is happening. He may be keeping the conversations from you because he doesn’t want to upset you. On your end, it’s not right; on his end it’s justified.

That’s just been my experience. Somehow you need to get on the same page - with the help of a counselor. For me, I had to try to be less judgmental. Since this is an issue you’ve been dealing with for a while it’s going to be hard. For him: being open to listening when you do bring something to his attention. Chances are he doesn’t even realize it most of the time.

Getting a third party perspective to the situation may help you both get past this. The two of you should definitely be on the same team. I’d be looking to address the issues before a baby comes along. If you're both willing to do the work, a change is possible! Good luck to both of you.

~Candie~ with an -IE

MaryAnn - posted on 06/28/2015

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I dont have any advice... im in the same boat.
but i can say the worst is the let down.
Reminds me of that story about Socrates. She'll make you feel like youre a worse wife than she is a mom, and then just go and smash his heart some, leaving you feeling like you could never measure, and he has no one strong enough to turn to.
Youre not alone, its hard and it hurts. And if anything, im hoping to at least help you feel your feelings are valid- because i dont know what else to say :(

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Lena - posted on 06/27/2017

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This topic is near and dear to my heart. I have a mother in law that is authoritative, bossy, loud, controlling and believes she is the matriarch of the family. If she doesn't get her way or if you dont do what she TELLS you to do, your are s**t to her and she has no use for you. She has controlled my husband since birth and it's disgusting and unnatural. She sees nothing wrong with what she does and is in fact proud of her behavior. She buys the people in her life. She buys the kids in the family toys and toys and the adults, whatever they want. She lends relatives money so that they continue to speak with her, she offers it obsessively not that anyone asks her for money. She is in your business night and day and I could no longer take it or deal with her rudeness. Soo, it was not ever going to change so I removed myself from that side of the family. I married into that family, not that it's mine. In fact, my family will not even deal with that side. They can't handle the rudeness, the controlling factor and just the way she screeches loudly and thinks when she says stuff to hurt you or embarrass you, she gives a little giggle and it's all supposed to be ok then. It's sickening and believe me, it will not ever stop. You have to handle you, keep your emotions and feelings in tact and take care of you. Like I said, I removed myself from her presence and the family.(I don't interact with them or spend time at functions) My husband is aware of this and he has to accept it because he does nothing to set her straight. So it is what it is. I hope you have better luck than I had.

Elle - posted on 06/26/2017

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Well at least your MIL didn't pull a knife on you or try to poison your child by purposely giving her foods that she is allergic to.

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