Mother's Day

Sarah - posted on 03/10/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I know this might sound silly and shallow but I have just had the worst 1st Mothers Day. My partner made no effort at all. I was the one who had to get up at 7am with our 8 month old son while my partner slept until midday. I got no card, present or even a cup of coffee! I spent the day cleaning as he was too busy on the computer all day. Like I said, I know it's petty compared to other problems but I just feel so hurt and unappreciated. I am living in Turkey with my partner who is Turkish so I have no family around me to help with the baby and my partner works long hours 6/7 days a week. I just thought for one day he could give me a break, make me a cup of tea and let me relax!! Instead I have spent the day in tears. Was I asking too much?

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Jodi - posted on 03/11/2013

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Actually, Rebekah, Mother's Day is something celebrated in many countries.

However, I just looked at all the dates, and if your husband is Turkish and you live in Turkey, Mother's Day isn't until the second Sunday of May. So unless you actually discussed that this was YOUR expectation for Mother's Day (which would indicate to me that you are either British, Irish or Nigerian), he may not have been aware that it was even Mother's Day.

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Liz - posted on 03/11/2013

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Yeah, sorry about that! Hopefully the edit solved that problem! :) I'm not functioning on all cylinders yet after the clocks went forward on Sunday.

To the OP, I realised I also didn't say something I meant to, which is that if the day went by completely unremarked, I'd feel upset too. I don't expect my 3 year old daughter to understand and/or plan to come up with things on her own, so I do hope that my husband will guide her through some easy steps, for example. I'll be doing that on Father's Day, as well as maybe cooking him a special breakfast.

It's definitely not shallow to notice that a day like this went by with no attention to anything special. Jodi's point is a valid one though. If you're living in Turkey and he's Turkish, he may not even have been aware that it was the UK date and that you'd follow this in Turkey.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/11/2013

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Of course you do. That is what you are used to. I am sure that if I went to a different country I would probably prefer the way I am used to celebrating. There is no argument there. By your post (which you cleared up) it just sounded like the kids don't celebrate their moms.

Liz - posted on 03/11/2013

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Well yes, I do give a simple thank you. My point is not that I don't do anything and stand there like a fish, lacking suddenly in all ideas of basic courtesy, more that the fact that the British custom is different means that I perceive that difference when I'm in the USA and prefer the way it's celebrated at home.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/11/2013

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I like giving my mother and my MIL something nice for mothers day. No one else really does anything like that, I don't give my sister a card, or people at work. It is primarily for the grandparents and the mother. I have never heard of it going beyond that. But different people celebrate it differently. A simple thank you would suffice for someone going out of their way essentially to say you are a good mom and acknowledging you on mothers day. I would personally be flattered.

Liz - posted on 03/11/2013

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I would have thought that my last paragraph explains how I perceive the difference. I edited it a bit anyway, hopefully to sort out that unintentional ambiguity! Oh, the written word, eh? :D

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/11/2013

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I am not really sure what you mean by your statement "I prefer the UK one, to be honest, as the custom there is for children to do nice things for their mothers, give them presents and cards etc." implying it is not customary for kids in the USA to do this??? This is practiced here also. And usually my husband does something nice for me also.

Liz - posted on 03/11/2013

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Mothering Sunday, as it is in the UK, predates the American one as the practice started in the sixteenth century.

I prefer the UK one, to be honest, as the custom there is for children to do nice things for their mothers specifically (and nobody else), give them presents and cards etc.

I never really know what to do in the USA when random people or extended family members give me cards and wish me a happy Mother's Day. All I really want to say is, 'But I'm not your mother!'

And don't get me started on Valentine's Day!

Rebekah - posted on 03/10/2013

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Did your partner fully grasp how important it was to you to get some special treatment? I'm thinking Mother's Day is an American thing...is it celebrated elsewhere? Anyway, I wondered if his coming from another culture has something to do with it. My husband personally feels like Mother's Day is something of a racket...driven by card and gift companies. (and we are American) He is grateful and supportive of me...he would just rather show it at his own initiative, rather than be told by some institution to do so. However, out of respect for me, he does do small gestures. But I digress... I don't know if you and your partner discussed it openly, or if he knows how you feel, so be sure to let him know that such gestures are appreciated and desired by you. Some people need to be specifically told what is wanted from them.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/10/2013

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I am sorry to hear that. It is not foolish. Lots of mothers want special attention on mothers day.

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