Mother to an older daughter still needing guidance!

Judy Elaine - posted on 07/22/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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My youngest daughter Hope, is my main concern. I lived with her stepfather before we married for three years. During those three years I questioned his methods of dicipline which were to me a little harsh, then the way he would withdraw from her to punish her if she did something he didn't like. He would yell at her, if she got in his face ,he pushed her down, he tried to help her with her schoolwork,but soon tired of it if she was slow to finish. Other times though, he would do little things with her like watch tv, ride a bike, allow her friends over to spend the night and throw them a small party. He was to himself a lo of times though, although he would stand up for her against bullies. In 2007 he had received a settlement which made him decide to use this to relocate to his homestate of Virginia. I was not ready to moveand feltwe could buy a house there and sell it later to move up there. He claimed to need time with his son( they feuded and haven't talked in a couple of years. He knew I wanted to remain in S.C. to help finish raising her. At htis time she went to stay with her real dad because she and my recent husband did not get along. I knew she still needed me,but he was set on being near his mom and dad (He was away from them for 20 years due to workand visited from time to time) Now he sees his dad every week, but has had plenty of time to rebuild a relationship with his dad which I knew he lacked as a child at one point in his life. His dad had left and came back after two marraiges to my husbands mother. His dad takes care of her but complains a lot about this and everything. My husband is becoming the same way. He stell criticizes my daughter about her coices in life and says shes lazy. When she and her brother came up to visit, he welcomed them, but after two days got aggravated and stayed in another room when they didn't jump to help clean up the kitchen mess. He knows they are not real domesticated and that they were just wanting to relax the few days they were here. Should he have reacted the way he did. Most of all, as a mother, I blame myself for not being there when my daughter and kids really needed me. I've wanted to return to S.C. at one point to make up for when I should've been there before, but she's grown now, just not totally in an emotional way. She's married but sometimes still like a child. I don't want to rule her, just want to be an inspiration. Shoould I continue giving in to my husbands wishes( we've been in VA, six years). He doesn't have much to do with his family except his mom and dad(which he complains about his dads demands now)We seldom do things together anymore and have no more friends. I feel totally isolated. He doesn't understand my need and desire for people and my youngest daughter especially. What would you do in this circumstance?

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