mothers day

Liz - posted on 05/13/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

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my daughter who is 16, ignored mother's day today, i told her i was hurt, and she said i was being over dramatic, i feel sad , i thought i would get something,like a card, or a email, or maybe have my coffee made this am. but she didn't even say good morning to me, ( as usual) i think i failed as a mother, and this is the way she is telling me. i have centered my whole life around her, but now i can see that i need to start planning my life without her, because she is obviously angry at me. how do i get thru today.? she wanted to go to the movies, to see something she wanted to see,,but i feel like ..why should do something for her, and call it mother's day..i always got my mom a card, or something, by 16 years old, and she had alot of issues. my mom is dead, she died 15 years ago, i wanted to go to her grave site, alone, and put some flowers on them. maybe i should take my daugher if she wants to go..so she will realize that some day i will be gone, no matter how much she seems to hate me

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Gale - posted on 05/15/2012

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I don't know the whole story, but maybe stop doing things for her even if it little things like buying something she wants or doing her laundry, if she gets upset then explain to her that relationship is a two way street and since she getting close to adult hood that your going to start respecting as an adult but if she doesn't show appreciation to you then she shouldn't get it back. Mad or not it time to learn how relationship works.

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Nicole - posted on 05/21/2012

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I completely disagree with many posters that say 16 year olds suck. They can be self centered, but they can be taught respect. I told my husband not to remind my children (16 and 18) of Mother's day. If they did not remember from the hundreds of reminders around them daily then I did not want anything from them. One remembered one did not. The one that remembered will always remember I'm guessing the one that did not, will always remember how terrible he felt when he forgot. He apologized profusely that night. If they had forgotten completly I would have been hurt, I would have told them, and I would have moved on. I would chalk it up to a lesson to them for hurting me. I don't need anything from them to make me happy. I control my happiness. Their hurting me is a hurt for a short term and if it gives them a lesson then my hurt is worth it. Every year past they have been reminded, this year not. So to me it was a great way to teach them respect, and to teach them to honor thier mother even in thier self centered world. I don't ask for anything, just a thought on that day. Talk to your Daughter, tell her of your disappointment. Then move on. The more you show her of your hurt the more power you give her to make you unhappy. YOU control your happiness.

Mary - posted on 05/19/2012

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I have the same problem as yours - with my 20 year old son. My son never greets me on year-round holidays. For me that's fate - even if I have provided him all the comforts in the past - he is just not thankful... I move on .... lead my own life.

Ashleigh - posted on 05/15/2012

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she's 16. 16 year old girls suck. I know I was one at some point. It's not about you. I used to 'hate' my mom for no reason. she will grow out of it. For now just try to get through it, only 4 more years until she's not a teenager anymore.

Spring - posted on 05/15/2012

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This sounds like you're having an online pity party. If her behavior upset you then tell her. And don't just say that you're upset explain to her why.

Letitia - posted on 05/15/2012

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Sorry about that. These days children are just not like how we used to be with our mothers. My mom is 70 years old and has lung cancer. I love her so much and I am sure this will be my last mothers day with her. Please don't give up on your daughter. Speak to her and the main thing is that YOU must stay calm and try not to interrupt but just listen. Hope everything works out for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers my dear.

Julie - posted on 05/14/2012

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I'm sorry you had such a bad day! My kids are not teenagers yet but when I was 16 I was terrible and it took until I was about 22 to realize what a jerk I was as a teenager. We've has a good relationship since then and now that I'm married with kids I call her everyday. There is a light at the end of this tunnel but its long tunnel. All you can do is make the best decisions you can think of and keep trying to express how you feel and fingers crossed she gets the message a couple years sooner then I did!

Jennifer - posted on 05/14/2012

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Maybe try ignoring her on her next birthday;-), or just as effective do it any other day of the year. Remind her that the other 364 days a year are Kids Day, you only get this one day to do nothing and not feel guilty. My mom used to tell us what she wanted well in advance of Mother's Day. She would say "All I want is to sleep in and not have to cook or clean all day". If we got out of line, she would remind us that she is not cooking or cleaning because it is Mother's Day. It worked. Now I say that to my own kids, and it works. Elementary school teachers help out our little ones with gift giving on Mother's Day, but then they do not do anything from middle school and on, so it really becomes the Dad's responsibility to put the bug in their ear, in your case that may not be possible and you may have to play the role of Mom and Dad all too often. She will one day regret the way she treated you. The best thing you can do is forgive her right away and move on.

Natalie - posted on 05/14/2012

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I was a terrible 16 year old.....but I still loved my parents, even when I didn't show it. I am nothing like that now, however it did take a while for me to grow out of it! I'm sure you are doing just fine. Teenagers can be quite challenging. Happy belated Mothers Day!

Liz - posted on 05/14/2012

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happy birthday.. to you..what do they say, being a mom is the hardest job in the world, with no pay..i bet neither one of us would change a thing, even though sometimes i wonder about if i did this or that instead, but c'est la vie...take care..her dad is mia..by the way,, he is a real jerk..

Lynn - posted on 05/14/2012

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It sounds like your husband needs to steer her in the right direction, and show her how to treat her mother.

I do understand your disappointment.

My kids made some adorable gifts for me at school (ten and eight). My husband got me a card, we saw a movie the kids wanted to see, then he started being a jerk to me, and the kids whined and complained about going to a restaurant we'd never been to before. I was so aggravated by the end of the day! My birthday was Saturday, and I just wished they could have been NICE for two whole days!

Melissa - posted on 05/14/2012

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I love my mother very much, and I loved her when I was 16, but I was selfish and headstrong and too cool for her (or so I thought). Chances are you're doing just fine as a mother. I know it hurts to go unrecognized, but I agree that she is "a work in progress" as one of the other commenters said. Hang in there. Talk to her. Be relenetless. Never back off with your love for her.

[deleted account]

That is very sad. I feel for you. Don't think that you failed as a mother, at 16 your daughter is still "a work in progress". Don't give up on her, keep giving your love and one day she may open up to you and tell you what makes her feel indifferent towards you.
Love to you.

Katherine - posted on 05/13/2012

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Why does she have all of this anger towards you? I'm sorry you had a bad Mother's Day :(

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