Mothers Day should be boycotted

Karen - posted on 05/07/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi I have just registered with this site. My name is Karen and tomorrow is mothers day.
I have a 25 year old who has left home after I phoned the police when he pushed me to the floor after an incident where by I tried to talk to him about his continual drug dealing of marijuana, he wont speak to me even when I ran into him in a store he didnt want to know me (this is a very brief story of the circumstances). I also have a 16 year old son (which is the one who has really broken my heart) who got into a full relationship at the age of 15 and when I tried to put the brakes on it, the mother of the girlfriend encouraged them to be together when they like) hence, his leaving! I was raised in the days whereby sleep overs with the opposite sex were taboo. Obviously throughout the journey with Harrison (15 year) old over the year, I had to become more flexible, so, I allowed him to spend weekend sleepovers with her at her place. The mother is totally insane, has depression issues and has a boyfriend who's sick attitude I despised from the start. I met the mother and boyfriend not long into the relationship of our kids, who came for the get together, and was totally embarrassed for my son and myself. The mother and boyfriend instantly began discussing our kids sex life ( at a public billiard room where we were supposed to be having a happy meeting get together). My son was cringing whilst he had the daughter on his lap and the boyfriend casually laughed and asked him if he was getting a "stiffy"!! I looked at Harry and saw his face and did what I could to diffuse the situation, especially the discussion of the apparently sad story that the daughter had to be put on the pill! I just made comment that I had not encouraged this depth of their relationship and didnt agree to the sleep overs. Well Harry is now 16 and 4 months ago after spending day after day at the girlfriends house and me hassling him to be at home during the week nights to do school work and spend time with family etc, he grabbed what he could out of his room and said he was leaving. I was having a quiet night watching tv and enjoying a couple of merlots with dinner. Upon watching him with his bags at the door, after he walked out, I thought "this is ridiculous," got in my car to say "Hey Harry come on, put your stuff in the car and lets talk" I was only one house down from mine. Unbeknowns to me he had contacted her on his phone and said we were having an argument, so she called the police. when I saw him I saw people talking to him and had no idea they were police as it was dark. I spoke with one of them and told them what had been going on between us, he seemed like a nice man and said he understood that I was a good mum, but, informed me that Harry had said that I physically abused him... I was speachless, the policeman then went to say that he wasnt going to press charges. I said I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life and the policeman agreed, telling me that they had checked him out and saw no physical evidence of his claims. I tried to talk to Harry everyday after that incident to no avail, he wouldnt take my phone calls, and apparently told someone that he wanted a break from me. Weeks later came back for his big screen tv accompanied by the Mother and Boyfrien and girfriend in the Boyfriends pick up truck. That was 4 months ago. Ive heard through the grapevine (which is next to nothing as my best friend died 2 years ago and my extended family dont talk to each other) that the mother couldnt handle Harry being there so she hand balled him to friends quite a few suburbs away from me. I have continually tried to talk to Harry on the phone but he hangs up. He has blocked me on facebook and I have finally stopped trying to call him, because Im scared he will delete my number, which is the only form of contact we have. I had to move into a share house and loose everything when he left, because Im studying and on centrelink payments. When he applied for the staying away from home allowance I couldnt keep our house ( which I wanted to do in case he came home). Im appauled at our disgusting system, and our generation for allowing it to be so easy for our young ones to do what they do and up and leave. That just wasnt allowed when I was 15 (im only 50 now) I dont blame him, I blame the adults who allow this to happen. I was trying old school values and parenting, but how can you when there are all these parents out there who say this stuff is okay, and then winge when their kids fall pregnant or leave etc.
So they are the facts.......about me?? Im an absolute MESS! Ive got phsycology appointments and mental health appointments booked for this week. I just CANT sleep in peace or get out of bed in the mornings and my studies??? what a joke! Tomorrow is mothers day and Im a basket case. I used to love mothers day, taking my mum flowers (what a joke, shes disowned me) and now I think its a very difficult day for so many people who have either lost their mum, or their children and it throws them into turmoil. Im gutted, feel sick to my stomach, feel like my heart has been ripped out (even as I write this I want to call Harry, but know he wont talk to me), and I just dont see an end to how Im feeling.
The awful part is I have no idea where he is, and if anything happened to him or me, the last time we saw each other was with that awful goodbye. I pray that he is safe continually and what makes it really sick is that if anything did happen to him, society would probably say "where was the mother". Im here Harry Im here.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/14/2016

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I kind of have to agree with Sarah on this, though...Why should Mother's day be boycotted by all, just because a few don't have a good family dynamic?

And again agree with the statement: "If you did not agree to sleepovers at 15, then you say no and mean it", furthermore, you enforce your rules! Since you did not at that time, you indicated that your kids would treat you in any way they wanted with no consequence.

Kate - posted on 05/07/2016

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Hi Again Karen,
I wish I could take you out to brunch or something! Try to focus on YOU. Moving forward with your life. The sooner your kids have to deal with their own prob;less the better.
Its totally not fair and if I wasn't going through similar crap, I would never even understand what you are going through.
I know mothers day is sucky for me to. Fortunately, my 31 year old son is the exact opposite of his 18 year old sister He is respectful, trustworthy, dependable, loving...My daughter posts things about me on twitter that are totally untrue. She makes up things she knows will hurt me the most;
She recently posted: "all my life my mother told me I was worthless" - It couldn't be further from the truth and totally absurd. I am having a very hard time dealing with her ability to cut me off and intentionally try to hurt me.
It is really hard to deal with and hard to understand unless you've been through it!

Sarah - posted on 05/07/2016

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So...why should Mothers Day be boycotted? Sorry your kids have treated you like crap; but you tolerated it from the get go. If you did not agree to sleepovers at 15, then you say no and mean it. If you 25 yo still lived at home and was committing a crime, you should report him to the police. A drug addict is hardly able to have a healthy adult realtionship anyway.

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Michelle - posted on 05/13/2016

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Now that you have explained it's his girlfriend it makes more sense. Hopefully he will see how controlling she is and break up with her. Until then you just need to make sure you let him know you are there for him when he needs you.

Karen - posted on 05/13/2016

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Well, Harry treated me with utmost respect and we had a very loving relationship, with free commuication, the girlfriend, doenst like it when he spends time with his mates, (who he now bearly sees) and his whole attitude has changed and I know she is a big part of that! Her mother also, has made derogatory comments about me tom my son the whole situation is not good, I can only hope he moves on and finds someone who brings out the best in him again.

Michelle - posted on 05/07/2016

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We can't just blame others for the way they treat us, we also have to accept some blame. Others will treat us the way we let them.
Hopefully your children will get their lives together and realize that they have been at fault as well.

Karen - posted on 05/07/2016

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I spoke of the police that night, but failed to mention the important part. I was breathalised and lost my license for 6 months...my god I dont drink drive ordinarily and knew he was only a house or two up the road when I tried to collect him and his stuff. So now, very difficult, If not depressed already I cant even get into my car and go for a long drive, or get serious employment!

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