Mourning breakup of daughter and her boyfriend

Karen - posted on 04/15/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter's boyfriend broke up with her Monday after school. She's very okay, but I am a mess. They only dated 3 months and everything seemed fine. He didn't text over the weekend and she was devastated. I knew something was up. I'm taking this way too personally. Do teenage boys text 'I love you I love you' one day and then just say 'I don't have feelings for you' the next...?

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Sarah - posted on 04/15/2015

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Yep.....welcome to teenage love. They are SO in love one day and then the next day have moved onto something different. She is most likely going to go through plenty of boyfriends in the next coming years. I would just welcome each new adventure it brings, but I would not look at each one as if that is the guy she is going to marry......no matter how long they date. Their interests and maturity is going to change tremendously in the next coming years. She is going to learn a lot about what kind of guy she really wants to be with. Each one will most likely be devastating to her and she is probably going to feel like each guy is the love of her life. Be there for her, but also guide her. I am SO glad I did not stick with any of the guys I dated in high school. I learned from each one and I think that helped me eventually date my husband......I knew what kinds of qualities I wanted in a guy and then became more selective as the years went on. I also grew up. Teenage love is a lot of lust. As you mature you start to look beyond that and look for what you would want in a husband and a father.

Sarah - posted on 04/15/2015

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It is teenage dating.....stop analyzing it. Like I said it is more about lust than love not matter who says what. They will both move on and be dating someone new in a few weeks or months. As far as a parent being in the home when the opposite sex is there....this is a no brainer of course there should no matter what your daughter says or wants. If it is awkward so be it....life goes on. Same goes with the small talk. This is a parents job and no teen likes it. You are not your daughter's best friend you are her parent. As a parent you are going to do and set limits that your daughter does not like.....oh well.

Karen - posted on 04/15/2015

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They exchanged gifts (my daughter liked to buy him things)...and he thought that was awkward...and he said their time together was awkward... In the beginning he took her out; park, movies, bowling...but then it stopped...and he would just come to our house... We tried to give them space...but it was awkward being in the house... I didn't like feeling like I had to hide to give them privacy... Not sure how to deal with that going forward... I mean, I think a parent should be at the house...but I'm thinking they wanted no parent at the house... And the my daughter thought there was too much parent interaction... When he came/left...we always made simple small talk... 'How was track practice...?...Good to see you...?'

We think he has some anxiety and depression issues... Divorced parents...and he has to go to therapy once a month to talk about his Dad... Our daughter said he misses some early classes on that day...and he is depressed and it puts him in a funk...and then he gets sick... That was weird... And...he didn't want to post their relationship on FB...and he didn't want her to meet his Dad... Ultimately she did...but when I dropped her off at his house (he looked like he was going to puke)...

I just overanalyze everything... We really liked him and thought he was sweet... A good clean cut kid... It was nice having him over...

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Jodi - posted on 04/15/2015

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Sounds pretty typical of this age. I think you are overanalysing it too. It was only 3 months - not like they had some serious marriage vibes going or anything. If your daughter is okay about it, time to leave it alone.

Karen - posted on 04/15/2015

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Oh...and my daughter said she really wanted to get to know him more...and he was the one driving all the kissing and hickeys ++... He ultimately said they were both going to fast...but my daughter felt he was driving all of that... And he wanted to sleepover...? Very confusing... We said 'no'...and...not sure what that's all about with them both being 16... So...he wants to make out and sleepover...but then dumps her and says they are going too fast....??? And again...his words... He texted... 'I know longer have feelings for X. I know that sounds bitter and harsh of me but I really don't know how to put it at the moment...everything for me is just so confusing...but I do still want to be good friends with her, because she's a nice and fun person'

I'm just trying to understand and rationalize something...that I probably can't... :)

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