Move or NOT?

LuCkY - posted on 12/30/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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So I guess I have to rewrite what I worte because all ive been getting are responses about my sons father being around and the court systems which wasn't my question to begin with...

My son is 4 years old and I've always wanted to move even before I thought about having him just never got around to doing it. Now I have an opportunity to pick up and move out of state if I want to but Im not sure if I'm doing the right thing. He doesn't see his dad but he sees his grandma every other week for a few hours. He sees my mom almost every few days and all my other family every few months or more. I know I can drive back a few times a month. With work and school he wont be seeing them a lot if we stood anyways. I don't get along to well with his grandma and me and my mom butt heads a lot. I don't want him blaming me when he's older for moving him away. I don't know what to do????

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Ev - posted on 12/30/2013

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It sounds like you have your bases covered with the court and all. I just wish I could tell you to move and not worry about things. But that can not happen either as it would put false home so to speak in your wishes and wants. All I can say is good luck and hope it works out for you one way or another.

LuCkY - posted on 12/30/2013

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Yea I hear you. I have a few police reports and print outs of all hes been arrested for. Hes never been alone with my son so for him to harm him wouldn't happen hopefully. Hes a ticking time bomb. They seen the documents and reports and documented it all, but yea if your doing everything on ur own without a lawyer they don't do to much. Yea I just am tired of dealing with his dead beat self and his crazy family. I don't think its good for any child to be around that even for 30min or so every few weeks. I don't raise my son in a crazy manor and am over protective I don't want him exposed to stuff like that. I have an order of supervised visitation with his dad as his grandma takes him and I can pick the days and hours they see him right now. Which he dosnt look for him unless hes not on drugs or single. Even when his mom takes my son he dosnt go by. My sosn birthday was last week he never called but posted an old pic of them online I thogut was sad and retorted,

Ev - posted on 12/30/2013

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I can understand the frustration. But you say you have pics of the father not being fit and all. Will a judge allow those in evidence because they want documented proof like police reports or criminal records and such. Because some of what you say in court depending on what you have to back it up may be considered he said/she said and judges hate that. So be sure they are allowed to be used in court first if not find a way to get them to be useful for you. Courts take their time in everything and it seems that it makes your life stink. I have been there and done it all. I can see the want to move at the same time I can also see what a move out of state might do against you rather than for you in court. But until family services or criminal records show that the father is really a harm to the child, there is not going to be much you can do if he should decide to come back and have his own way about things.

Just saying.

LuCkY - posted on 12/30/2013

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Yea of course its a mess I wish I got sole custody already. I don't think it will look good for him if he goes to court because hes missed so many court dates already and I have proof hes crazy he just got arrested about 2 weeks ago for beating up his sis and in the summer his girl. I have pics and documents saying hes been on drugs damaged my property and dosnt care for my son. He pays child support every few months which is like nothing. And told me he will sign his rights over if I take him of lol smh. But yea I hear you I did most of the lawyers job with the documents and stuff its just paying for ones a pain im thinking of doing it when I get income tax. Im not sure about moving 10hours away anymore maybe less then an hour will be more realistic or even a few min away. It sucks though bec his mom stalks us if I don't pick up for her she drives by my moms to see my son and my mom lets her take him without me knowing if im working. I feel like I have no say and they don't respect what I say or the times I say she can see him.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2013

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So basically, it is still up in the air. You still share custody with him. I would still think that it hinders the move though. If this custody has to be refiled and all. Maybe the father does not care right now but I have read other stories that all of a sudden the child is 10 years old and dad wants his rights to see and have the kid around. I think you should refile and go back to court before you move or you are going to be going back and forth a whole lot to get it set straight and if dad decides to show up the next time its going to get complicated. I am sorry you do not get along with those family members that are close to you now, but that is not the case you are worried about or should be worried about; its the best interest of the child and this move you want to make. You need to get those things about the custody set straight before the move or you are going to be in a lot of hurt in trying to straighten it out later.

LuCkY - posted on 12/30/2013

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Yea I know I talked to two lawyers and they told me I shouldn't have an issue to file to modify and he dosnt look for him anyways so it shouldn't be an issue. ive been to court 3 times in the last 2 months and he never went once and the judge was pissed. We share custody but I have documents and pics on how hes unfit and dosnt care. The judge was going to grant me sole custody 2 weeks ago but since they didn't serve him the right way he told me to re file and come back to court not sure if im going to right away or get a lawyer just in case. But yea I just am not happy out here I have family out where I want to move and I know it wont solve everything but its cheaper and with all the stress and drama here it would help. I can always drive back every weekend or what not.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2013

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Lucky-

Okay, you know about the courts and all but that is still an issue here. I do not need details but if you do have some sort of custody set up with visitation and all, dad can force your hand if you do not go through the proper channels to make sure you make this a smooth move. I know this for fact. And I only moved over one county where I lived but that was due to the issue of being able to stay where I lived--it was on my ex's parents land and on our house. I had to move because I did not know if I could actually stay there with that issue.

The point is if you move and he takes it to court because he can not see his child as much as he wants to--you are going to be in trouble for moving out of state like this. Most states do not allow moves unless the parent goes alone and leaves the kids with the other parent unless all parties agree.

LuCkY - posted on 12/30/2013

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I know about the courts and the father part. I don't want to get into detail about all that that's not my issue. My issue is do I move to start fresh and enjoy my new career in a new location with my son. Where I live now is super expensive and impossible to live on your own without some type of state assistance or a roommate or what not. I have family here but I don't care for to much, I only stay for my son to see them but even that isn't going to happen a lot once I start working again and hes in school/ programs.

Ev - posted on 12/30/2013

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Do you have a custody, visitation and child support order set up? That would help us to know.

Just for the gist of it all: If you have those things above in place, you would have to contact dad, court, and all to get it approved to move out of state. You just can not pick up and leave. If you do not have any of this and his dad gets wind of it, he could go to court and start to fight for his rights thereby causing you to have to stay. THIS DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN BEING ABLE TO PICK UP AND MOVE. You also need to have valid reasons for court to move and take said child with you because they do look at the chances of the father having time and relationship with his son.

And why would you move? Is there a job waiting on you that makes the move necessary? Are you going back to school for something and its in a different state? Those would be good enough reasons to move.

Other than that I do not know how to answer the said question.

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