Moved to new school district for 14 year old daughter

Jessica - posted on 08/27/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom of a 14 year old girl who has social anxiety and an extremely low self esteem (extremely low). She is extremely intelligent and she was looking forward to high school. Trying to make a better life, I bought our first house and moved before she started 9th grade this year. I knew it wouldn't be easy to switch school districts but I had hope that she would find others like her. We have just ended the 2nd week of school but she is miserable. I know it is partly because she is defensive with anyone new which turns people away before they know her. She thinks that nobody likes her (even family) and I know this is only in her mind. My heart is breaking for her and I am regretting my decision to move but since I just purchased, cannot sell without losing big. I hate that money is a contributing factor but I am a single mom who doesn't get any support elsewhere. Yesterday, she told me that she sits in the bathroom all lunch because she doesn't want to sit in the lunch room and feel unliked. It breaks my heart and I am contemplating letting her stay with my mom during the week so she can attend her old school. But then I think I just need to give it more time as we haven't even had 3 weeks of school. How long should I let this go on? I also have a girl that started 5th grade and she is having trouble still but I am confident that she will make friends. Please help! Anyone else gone through these things?

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Lisa - posted on 08/31/2016

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Could you plan a small get together? Maybe give her a chance to meet some of her fellow students outside of school? She could give you the names of a couple of girls that might be good candidates for friends. I am sorry she is struggling. Counseling is a good suggestion. Someone other than you, telling her she is special. I am always amazed how my kids listen to others who say the same thing as me. But I am grateful!

Sarah - posted on 08/27/2016

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Have you reached out to the school guidance counselor? At the large public school in out district, a new student would be paired with a "buddy". This is usually a child a year or two ahead, who knows the school and agrees to help the new student find their way and assimilate. This may help your daughter. I would not pull her and send her back, it doesn't solve the problem of her self-esteem. For that, I would suggest some counseling and encourage her to try sports, social or academic clubs. If she is very bright she may make some good friends in a math or science club.

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