Moving

Brittany - posted on 07/27/2015 ( 26 moms have responded )

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To explain a little before I ask for advice.. I have a son and am not with his father however am getting married to a member of the marine corps in December. His father and I were never married so I have had full custody and he has had visitation since my son was 1. My son is now 2. I am struggling to make a living and life to support my son and I and have a chance to make a great life with him and my fiancé. Currently I live in New York with my parents..however we are stationed in Hawaii, they provide housing, food, day care, schooling for the both of us, piano lessons for my son and gymnastics. They also have therapy if needed from the stress of the situation and the move. I have filed to have my full custody and to change visitation for the move but the father is unhappy with the concept.. He isn't saying he wants to stop us but he does want to of course see his son. I made a suggestion for 1 month per year and Christmas when we fly back for the holidays.. But he said no and asked for 6 months and holidays which is unacceptable.. When I offered 3 months and when we come home for Christmas to split the holiday he was still unhappy.. Any suggestions on what to do.. ? Anyone been through something similar? My fiancé and I want to have a baby and start our family but we can't if this is weighing over our heads..

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/29/2015

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Well, since it was not on THIS specific thread I didn't read it. If it was written on another thread, well quite frankly I am not keeping track of all of your threads on the same topic. *shrug*.

Dove - posted on 07/29/2015

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Yep... 5 is the youngest they can fly as unaccompanied minors.... but the unaccompanied minor fee is a LOT cheaper than another plane ticket. ;)

Jodi - posted on 07/28/2015

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I think what you have offered him is reasonable, if this is around the equal time that is in the current visitation orders, and I don't really have any suggestions on how to make it fairer. However, I would hope this isn't 3 months in one block - I don't think that will be healthy for the child. Are you planning on splitting it over a few different visits?

Secondly, you need to think ahead to when your child starts school, or you will be back to square one and having to go through the process all over again when your child is due to start school. You should consider what arrangements will work when your child is school age too, and put in an allowance for the future (eg, when the child begins at school, dad might get half of all school holidays or something).

Having said this however, I do understand his request for 50/50 and don't understand why this can't be an option until your child starts school at the mandated age.

You should also both set up skype and have some sort of arrangement where you can each have contact with your son when you are not with him, and arrange what that should look like. This way, you are maintaining some continuity and stability even when he is changing homes.

Dove - posted on 07/27/2015

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You need to go to court and get it all worked out before you move. Perhaps you can work it out w/ a mediator and have it signed by the court, but if you can not agree it will be up to a judge to make a ruling.

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Brittany - posted on 07/29/2015

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I know there is the restrictions. That's why I said in previous posts for his father to come get him and either have to drop him off again or id go get him or id be able to get one of his family members bringing him back

Sarah - posted on 07/29/2015

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I think you are correct and then you have to pay an extra fee for the supervision. Some airlines charge until 13, some 16.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/29/2015

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Exactly. There is an age restriciton. I cannot remember how old they have to be but I am pretty sure it is over 5.

Sarah - posted on 07/29/2015

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A two yo cannot be expected to fly under the supervision of a flight attendant. You'd have to go with him.

Brittany - posted on 07/29/2015

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Thank you and I thought of that and am offering to pay for Lorenzos ticket either half or full so than its like paying half of the total for the trip .. Just hoping for the best

Dove - posted on 07/28/2015

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You should be aware that if the move is approved you will likely be providing most of the transportation costs for your son to fly from Hawaii to New York and back... since you are the one moving away which is limiting your son's access to his father. It is unlikely that the court will expect the father to go and fly to his son just to stay in a hotel which is an added and unnecessary expense. Granted, I don't have any experience w/ New York's court system, so I could be wrong... just be prepared.

Brittany - posted on 07/28/2015

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Correct.. We will see what happens.. They will dictate what is environmentally, educationally, economically, mentally and physically better for my son. Only trying to give him the life he deserves. Thanks for the opinions

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2015

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Ah, you left out one thing...No "stress and his father's weekly visits"...See what the courts say. This is NOT something that can be resolved without judicial involvement.

Brittany - posted on 07/28/2015

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Ny=struggle, no college, no child care, not able to make a family and move forward, stress and his fathers weekly visits when he shows up.
Hawaii=housing, schooling for my son and I, better jobs and a stable home environment, sports and a nice affordable hotel his father can afford to stay at plus he can take him equal to or more than he sees him per year...
I appreciate the thoughts and opinions but staying in ny benefits are far less than what I can give my son if we move

Sarah - posted on 07/28/2015

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Also, of course the lawyer you consulted will put a positive spin on things, he wants you to hire him! Once he is paid and the case is over, he isn't the one who has to deal with the outcome.

Sarah - posted on 07/28/2015

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I really wish mothers would limit their posts to one thread! Rather than pasting the same post four or five times, it just causes frustration. The multiple opinions don't get shared and the responses get confused and misunderstood. If you post and don't get a response, add to your own thread to keep it active.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2015

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Here's one, where you admit that the kids father isn't thrilled with what you've dictated to him, and where you've very 'nicely' offered to 'let him come to Hawaii whenever he wants', which is great, if he's a millionaire and can afford the frequent travel... http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-circ...

and here's the one where you dictated to him that he had to be involved '100%', which you then promptly negate by telling him you're moving to Hawaii... http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-circ...

In both, it seems that he is not in agreement with the terms you've 'offered', so yes, this is going to be a court deal. So, what are you going to do if the judge decrees that the child would be better off staying in New York?

Brittany - posted on 07/28/2015

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Without the move I basically have nothing because besides the small income I make now the state does not help. Guess we
Will see once I go to court

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/28/2015

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And what are you planning if the courts decide that the move would not be beneficial for all? You really need to consolidate ALL of your posts on this subject into one. You're betting multiple answers, on multiple posts.

Brittany - posted on 07/28/2015

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The only reason why I think one block of visits is because of travel expenses other wise I would give more and split it up. He also can't afford day care and his family works. That's a good idea to plan the future so we don't have to go back to court. Definitely planning for Skype as much as they can

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