Moving

Brittany - posted on 07/27/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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To explain a little before I ask for advice.. I have a son and am not with his father however am getting married to a member of the marine corps in December. His father and I were never married so I have had full custody and he has had visitation since my son was 1. My son is now 2. I am struggling to make a living and life to support my son and I and have a chance to make a great life with him and my fiancé. Currently I live in New York with my parents..however we are stationed in Hawaii, they provide housing, food, day care, schooling for the both of us, piano lessons for my son and gymnastics. They also have therapy if needed from the stress of the situation and the move. I have filed to have my full custody and to change visitation for the move but the father is unhappy with the concept.. He isn't saying he wants to stop us but he does want to of course see his son. I made a suggestion for 1 month per year and Christmas when we fly back for the holidays.. But he said no and asked for 6 months and holidays which is unacceptable.. When I offered 3 months and when we come home for Christmas to split the holiday he was still unhappy.. Any suggestions on what to do.. ? Anyone been through something similar? My fiancé and I want to have a baby and start our family but we can't if this is weighing over our heads..

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/27/2015

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You need to figure out a better solutioin. You wouldn't be happy with the terms you offered him, so why should he settle? You, in your last post, indicated that you dictated to him the terms that he'd have to meet to see his son to begin with, and now you're going to move so that he cannot meet those terms that you laid out...convenient for you.
Go to court. If the judge says that you cannot make that change in the child's life, then you'll have to figure out other arrangements. How can moving to Hawaii and severely restricting the child's father's access be 'better' for the child? Answer: It cannot.
Before you make another 'offer'...see if you'd be willing to live by the same terms. If not, work harder to come to an agreement.

Brittany - posted on 07/27/2015

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If it was switched and I knew it would better my son and if I were in his shoes I would have been upset but open about it because it's not about me it's about a good life for him, of course seeing him from both parents is a must and very important. He only started seeing him regularly starting at one because he was voluntary in and out of his life since he was 4 months old. After a year went by he finally wanted to fully be in his life and we went to court. Before this he made it seem like he didn't care so I gave him a chance.. If he wanted to be in his life it has to be 100% and if not than I won't Harass him for anything.. He would stop talking to us for months and than all of a sudden come around. So the court granted me full custody and less than 17% child support. And granted him visitation rights. He financially only gives 39$ per week and doesn't think he needs to help anymore than the child support is taking out and giving to my son..

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2015

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What if the situation were reversed and he wants him 9 months a year and offers you summers and holidays? You'd say no of course. You are both obligated and entitled to the same things. To financially support the child until age 18 and to parent the child in equal amounts. Why did visitation only start when your son was one? Why has he not been parenting since he was born?

Brittany - posted on 07/27/2015

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I'm not trying to take him away completely.. It's a matter what benefits my son.. When he starts pre-k and school it can't be half and half

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2015

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You had a child with a man and he is entitled to 50/50 custody. Why do you believe you have the right to dictate the terms? I understand that the opportunities in Hawaii are wonderful but that cannot take the place of a father's rights to parent his child.

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