Mum needs an advice on what to do ? Is he cheating ?

Shanice - posted on 09/28/2015 ( 23 moms have responded )

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I have 4 children and I have a babyfather which is a father of 3 of my children. He is not the babyfather of my oldest child just the 3 small ones. My oldest son dislikes him very much they never get on they don't talk , they had 2 little scruffs when the first one the had a grab up with each other and the second one my babyfather put dragged my son to the ground. So now they do not talk at all. I also have a problem with him aswell now , but I am really in a difficult situation as I have twin babies & a 6 year old son as it is hard that's why my babyfather is still here. He goes out 7 days a week in the evening like 7/8 comes back 11/12 o clock and he makes excuse saying " His going to find food " Or " His going to play music " or " Am going to chill at my friends house " and I really want to know if his cheating and putting his personal life first over the babies he don't really like watching the babies he don't like when I go socialise with my family and all I do is go shopping I never socialise but it's alright for him to go socialise with his friends. My oldest son which is 17 wants him to leave the house but the situation is if he leaves it's going to be hard for me to watch the babies. Because usually my babyfather drops the 6 year old to school everymorning whilst I watch the babies so if he leaves who is going to drop my 6 year old to school ? But I really had enough and I really want to kick him out but when I do , I need ideas of who can help me with the twins because there only 10 months, so please share your ideas ?

23 Comments

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/02/2015

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Well, it's time to learn. You need to figure out how to be self sufficient. Making excuses constantly is getting you nowhere, but making you miserable.

Michelle - posted on 10/02/2015

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Why can't you get your 6yo to school? Do you not drive? It IS possible to put the twins in the car and get your 6yo to school on time.
I have 2 children and have always managed to get kids to school, make appointments, do shopping, pick kids up from school and everything else that's needed.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/29/2015

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FFS. You need to be prepared to do the parenting. You need to be ready to adjust if you can't make other arrangements for the 6 YO...

I get the feeling that you're keeping him around because that's easier than actually doing something...

Shanice - posted on 09/29/2015

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Yes thanks everyone for your advice. The only I thing I would need to do Is report to the school that my 6 year old is struggling getting to school when he leaves

Julia - posted on 09/29/2015

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whether he is cheating or not is none of your business. He is not your husband and you are not his keeper.,that is number one. the second thing is EVICT HIM he is undermining you has zero respect for you and you are reinforcing that in your sons mind. You need to take action now and dont be passive. You need to get rid of baby father NOW there are a lot of resources for you to pay rent without him. just do it.

Jodi - posted on 09/29/2015

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Well, yes.....you CAN do it. You just aren't used to doing it yourself. But it sounds like he does very little and you shouldn't just keep someone around for what they can do for you. You aren't setting your children a good example if you just want this guy gone. I mean, you clearly don't like him very much and have no respect for him, and now you just want him around because he drops the 6 year old off and gets up to the twins once during the night. If anything, you will probably find he is like having an extra child on your hands, and a burden will be lifted when he goes. After all, the man also assaulted your oldest son.

Shanice - posted on 09/29/2015

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So all i should do is tell the school about my 6 year old having problems going to school and I do the rest basically ?

Sarah - posted on 09/28/2015

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The twins are 10 months old so you are nearing the time they can and should sleep through. I think if you decrease the chaos in your home, everyone will relax and you will develop a routine and figure out how to manage. You CAN do it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/28/2015

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So, basically, you're saying that, because he gets up in the middle of the night once in awhile, you can't kick him out?

You're a mother. As mothers, we do whatever it takes...including taking ALL of the childcare duties if necessary. When my kids were babies, my husband worked out of town, so would have to be up by 4 am, and on the road by 5 am to get to work on time. He'd get home between 7 & 8 pm, spend time with the babies, and then head to bed. I did ALL of the night time care, and 90% of the day...so I'm telling you right now that it is QUITE POSSIBLE to do it on your own. Stop making that your excuse to not do anything.

These ladies have given you very reasonable suggestions. If you TRULY value yourself, and your children, you'll get rid of this loser (making sure you have custody & support filed in court) and move forward.

Shanice - posted on 09/28/2015

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Like I need help with when the twins wake up at night , when I kick my babyfather is gone because am planning everything in advance.

Michelle - posted on 09/28/2015

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What do you need help with?
There are a lot of women who do this on their own. As Mother's we seem to just make things work.

Shanice - posted on 09/28/2015

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I cannot wake up my 17 year old son because he's got college in the mornings so I would need someone to help me out at night if that's understandable ?

Shanice - posted on 09/28/2015

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Yes that's a good idea, but also when I kick him out I would need help at night times when the twins wake up at night like I need someone to help when they wake at night ?

Jodi - posted on 09/28/2015

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Is the only reason you aren't asking him to go because you need help getting your 6 year old to school? Talk to the school about the situation (that you are struggling to get your 6 year old to school) and see if they can help you get together with someone else who has a child to get to school who lives near you. I am sure the school would provide a level of support to help you.

Shanice - posted on 09/28/2015

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I do have family but they all have there own kids too look after & I don't want to improve it I just want him to go.

Sarah - posted on 09/28/2015

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Do you have family support? You don't even refer to this man as your boyfriend or partner. Do you even want to improve the relationship or is it just easier to leave it be?

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