Mutual masturbation (boyfriend and myself (me?)

Pauline - posted on 04/27/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Being a YOUNG DIVORCED gal I still remember the "dating process" in HIGH SCHOOL. It was fun and it was of course awkward; very much so. Downright embarrassing at times! Boys being boys - ya know.

SO I am back 'dating' and am perhaps in need of a "tutor" when it comes to the situation of "pleasure"? NOT MY "pleasure" mind you ..... but HIS!

I am NOT a 'prude', but having a guy out of the blue suggest that we BOTH "physically pleasure" our selves while "sharing the act" with one another seems TOO "NEW" for me; especially at this early age of the relationship! In fact it is too much at any stage as far as my "mind" tells me. Perhaps OK for the committed and long term folks - but for a "couple" on their early dating scenes it seems TOO MUCH!

SHORT VERSION: "Tom" suggested that IN PLACE OF INTERCOURSE we simply watch some "adult erotica" (is there ANOTHER kind of "erotica"?) and .......MUTUALLY "pleasure our bodies" without the worry of "doing the nasty"! NO PRESSURE he says..... since we BOTH know what "we like" then "getting off" should be ever so EASY and fulfilling! I AM NOT SO CERTAIN! I still see MASTURBATION of just that "masturbation" and as such it should not be the precursor to the actual sex act!

I think I painted the picture fairly well.... so I a VERY curious as to HOW YOU LADIES FEEL about "self-pleasure" in front of a new guy (or gal) in your life. Is this guy jut TOO HUNG UPON "getting off" as he stalls time! OR should he be looking to start over with a FRESH SLATE and let the relationship move as quickly or slowly as it can??

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Sarah - posted on 04/27/2016

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You summed up my thought as well, Raye. While intercourse seems to be the most intimate sexual act, this sort of act; to me seem even more personal. Most important, you guys are talking about it and that's the keep to a good sex life; communication.

Raye - posted on 04/27/2016

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Oh, and as Sarah said, porn is not for everyone. I don't have a problem with it on occasion. But definitely wouldn't want it to be part of our play all the time.

Raye - posted on 04/27/2016

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If you're not having sex together yet, I can see his point of sharing some intimacy by masturbating yourselves together (or even giving each other hand-jobs instead of intercourse). It's safer, and it's still being intimate. Seems a mature suggestion. I have never masturbated myself in front of a romantic partner, but with my husband I often "help myself along" when we're having sex. I have done him, and he has done me. If he suggested we do ourselves, I might be a bit shy about it, but I wouldn't necessarily say no either. So, I don't know. I do understand the "taboo" nature of it, even that it seems dirtier somehow than intercourse. So, I get your point. But I wouldn't rule it out.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2016

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I suppose this really comes down to what you are comfortable with doing? I guess it's good that you are talking about it rather than just doing it. However, if you feel it is too early in your relationship for sexual activity then I'd say no. Also, are you into porn? While i think to adults can do and watch what they desire as part of their sex life, porn is not for everyone. If he wants to start your sex life with porn, IMO means he must be pretty into porn. I think this sort of act takes confidence and enormous trust in your partner; you are in a very vulnerable position and you have to feel safe. Otherwise you won't enjoy it.

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