My 10 year old daughter constantly lies & craves attention

Dee - posted on 10/19/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My 10 year old daughter constanly lies, she loses her friends and the lies dont even make any sence. She told her friends she was 12 and she went high school & she lived with her father and i was dead & i apparantley found her on facebook 2 years ago. her father walked out on us 7/8 years ago & we have no contact, any me and my partner who i have been with 4 years really try, we end up arguing over her a lot. She wanders off and goes places she isnt allowed because its dangerous..she cant be trusted she will talk to anyone and i see her being a victim of abuse, as awful as it sounds, i was abused as i child, i have never told her.. I am at my witts end, i have tried disapline but i dont know what to do, it seems everything that comes out of her mouth is a silly little lie.. the local kids keep asking me questions as fawn has said she had rabbits, dogs, she getting put back a year at school, there are so much more,I used to stick up for her but now i dont, and will not.. she is making herself look so silly and she has lost all her friends. she has a heart of gold and is very generous. but the worse is more than the nicer things she does... i dont want her to be bullied and friendless.. is so sad, i love her so much.., she has become very lazy just leaving her mess every where, leaving the tv on & computer and just waltzes off, her room is a mess most of the time, she cant even be bothered to pull the toilet chain., Her tantrums are getting me down & being stoppy.. i dont know what to do now, please help me

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Queen Of My - posted on 10/19/2013

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Wow! That is really hard. She clearly is in need of attention. I would definitely seek professional guidance. Girls start to get really weird around 10 and it goes until about 13 or 14. So it's not totally abnormal that she is acting strange - but some of the things she is doing have the potential to have long term effects. Don't spend your energy trying to stop the behavior but instead why she is doing this.
Do you work full time? Does she get one on one time with you? What is her relationship like with your partner? What leads you to believe she is a victim of abuse? With her father, has she asked why he left? Does she feel abandoned? Has she expressed interest in contacting him? Does she have any hobbies or interests that she feels accomplished or successful in?
I would definitely start spending some alone time with her. Don't discuss the lies or problems, keep it light and fun. This is a time for you guys to bond. Try getting into something she would enjoy - like training for a race, taking an art class, dance class or language class. Even just some time baking or cooking might do wonders.
Having a parent walk out on you - especially when you were so small must be difficult to deal with. I am sure the lies are a cry for attention but also she is maybe bored - and this is a creative outlet or a way to create drama - or she feels worthless and needs to make up a more exciting life.
She is clearly troubled - if you can't get to the bottom of it, get a professional to help you. The good news is, she is really young and hasn't done anything yet that is irreversible. A little guidance should go a long way. Good luck!

Dee - posted on 10/19/2013

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She told the school pete had hit her & i was too drunk to fill out her reading report card, she admitted both were lies but that hasnt stopped her, i went to social services for help, they didnt see a problem & told me to go on a parenting course.. i has 2 older children and i don have as many problems with them.. hope i can get some advice..

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