Mechelle - posted on 12/30/2014 ( 14 moms have responded )
Hello Ladies, I need some sound advice!!
I have a 10 year old daughter that knows absolutely nothing about her biological father. She actually thinks my husband is her dad. My husband has been in her life since she was about 2 years old so she knows no differently. Together my husband and I have two children together. He had a son before we were married so altogether we have 4 children. The bio father and I already have a visitation agreement that was put in place by a judge when my daughter was 2 years old but he never went through with it. The original order was that he had to come to my house and spend a few hours with her until she became familiar with him and until I, as the mother, was comfortable with him being alone with her and we gradually work towards overnight stays. Recently, the bio father contacted me via facebook and asked if he could be apart of her life. Although I wish he would just fall off the face of the earth I told him "ok". He ended up calling my house and he got very rude with me because my schedule and his schedule always collided. He told me that he feels I should work with him and meet him halfway. Of course, I don't feel this way because he has been absent for almost 8 years and I've tried several times to contact him, invite him to bday parties and just be apart of her life...but to no avail. Well, my husband heard him yelling at me on the phone so he stepped in and had a few words with him. We told him that we could work it out but because we had family plans it would be two weeks later before we could actually meet. Well, needless to say the bio father went to court. We didn't go before the judge (which is the same judge that put the first order together) because I agreed to go to mediation. He is requesting to get her every other weekend and sometimes during the week. I personally feel that is a bit much to start her off with. Even after 10 years what if there is a time when she doesn't want to go with him....should she be made to? She is suppose to meet him for the first time on the 5th of January but the bio father doesn't want my husband to be there....he just wants it to be me, him and our daughter. Ummm...I'm not too sure about that and I don't think my daughter is going to want to go without her "Dad"....is that wrong? I'm trying to figure out a way to tell her. I want the relationship she has with my husband, the one that has been taking care of her, to stay strong. OAN: when he was living in another city he wanted nothing to do with her but now that he is trying to be a politician for our local city I believe that all he is trying to do is clean up his "mess". He is also married now with three other children. Two by his wife and one by someone else. He is not a bad guy, he is just sneaky and I don't trust him.
How should I tell my daughter? What should I do about the visitations? Should I have gone before the judge verses going to mediation? How long should he come around before she goes away with him? Not only and I worried about how this is going to affect her but also our other children.