My 10 year old girl is hurting my feelings!

Siya - posted on 04/19/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have a 10 year old girl who i have raised by myself for 9 years and she was perfect, over achiever, polite, honest and just a pleasure to be around! Last year i got married and for the first time in her little life she had a "dad" and i had some help and love! We moved to a different country to join my husband and everything was great! When we got to the new place , again she just fit in so well and got a leading role is a school play and made friends and she really had the time of her life..up until February this year, she started lying about things..i would catch her out and talk to her about honesty but still she kept on.She does delibarate things to hurt peoples feelings..Just before Easter i found out from school that she was bullying a fellow classmate to the point that child refused to go to school anymore! 😢 this act made me cry. We spoke to her again and she did not seem too affected by it but she appologised and life went back to normal..but she has changed! I don't believe she likes me 😢 she talks to me but refuses to do anything with me. I think i cramp her style, but her friends are always singing my praises as i am a young mom and am very interested in kids stuff so in most cases i am involved in lots of games and fun stuff but i see she just can't be bothered with me! She acts fine when my husband is home and she volonteers to do stuff with him! I decided i wanted my child back and decided to take a holiday with just her and me to our previous country for a few weeks just to get her back to how she was in some way...this has been a bad move 😯 she is constantly bragging about her new life to anyone who has ears to listen to her. She refuses to address people in our native language and would rather just speak English. She refuses to do anything with me and is just rude to me and has these looks where i can see she is not even listening to me anymore. The first week we got here she went to youth camp at church..and she managed to loose her mobile phone and fell and broke her arm..she lied about the phone when i confronted her and has just been showing off about this new arm! Sometimes i am so embarrassed by how she is behaving i just want to hide her away from other kids as i dont want her to infect anyone elses kids.. we are leaving in 2 weeks back to our new home..i dont even know if im happy or sad to be going back but she really gives me uncomdortable feelings! I dont think im supposed to feel like this 😢

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Raye - posted on 04/20/2016

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Well, first you should realize that her whole life was turned upside down. You got married, you moved to a different country, these are both really big things. She may have tried to hide her struggles by fitting in at first, but it takes a toll on a person. I'm not excusing her behavior, just maybe giving you some insight that the transition has really been hard on her. Some of it could also be that she is nearing puberty, and is having hormonal changes that make her act differently. Your baby girl is growing up, and a normal part of that is pushing boundaries and trying to find herself.

You need to have clear rules and consistent consequences. Just taking away TV isn't enough. She needs to know you are serious. Take away her phone (which I hope you're monitoring what she does on that phone!). If she's involved in extracurricular activities (like acting in the play), explain that she can't participate until she improves her behavior. Find her "currency", what really matters to her, and use that against her to teach her real life lessons. If I don't live up to my responsibilities, I don't get to do the fun things. Adults have to do a lot of things we don't want to do, and that's life. If your daughter doesn't learn these lessons now, she'll have a much harder time as an adult when no one is telling her right from wrong.

Siya - posted on 04/19/2016

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She gets grownded, no tv! I tend to talk about my feelings when she has upset me with the hope that she will realise the seriousness of this ehole thing!

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