my 11 year old daughter loves her father she wants to hug him all the time, she wants to sit on his lap and be rocked and held, is that ok for 11 year old girl


Joyi - posted on 12/29/2011




I read once that around the age of 6 or so children will start testing their place in the family / society. Their trying to figure out their social role includes territorial type behaviors. For instance my daughter who is 6 has recently started trying to push me away from my husband or she makes sure she is closer... i.e. getting in his lap. I have no doubt that my husband is my daughter's first crush... as is true with most children around her age. I do not mean to say that my daughter flirts with my husband - she honestly has no concept of flirting, and yet instinct leads her to compete with me for my husband's attention.

My daughter is going through a defining time in her development and how my husband and I respond is important. I want my daughter to really know that her father and I both love her and that she is OUR child. I am her father's partner and (going back to instinct) I am the "alpha" female. My husband is very affectionate with my daughter and she still cuddles in his lap and whatnot, but she is no longer allowed to squish in between us like she could when she was four. And there are times that I want to sit by her father and / or talk with him without her hovering or trying to climb up in his lap and I tell her to get off her daddy's lap and go play in her room for ten minutes while we talk. Her father backs me up.

As our daughter grows older, I am sure there are things that will become uncomfortable for my husband or maybe for me and it will be our job to set appropriate boundaries and whatnot. It is important that her father and I keep in mind that she is learning and testing how to behave with men and women in general - and that she needs to know that she is a safe and secure situation while she goes through these "trial runs."

I think that as long as your husband is not uncomfortable and your daughter is not purposely being flirtatious that there is no reason for her and him not to be affectionate. I would say, though, that it is important that you assert yourself if your daughter is attempting to push you away so she can get attention - and your husband should back you up. I am not meaning you should be harsh, but just clear that if Daddy has his arm around you, then it is not okay for her to demand his attention in such as way that you two are interrupted while you are paying attention to each other. And you should make it clear (firmly, but without any harshness) that she is not allowed to "move you over" so she can be next to Daddy.

It should also be noted, that since your daughter is so clearly comfortable showing affection to her father, your daughter is secure in her identity and she is secure in feeling loved by both you and her father. If she were being abused in some way, it is doubtful that she would feel worthy enough to "compete" with you or confident enough to seek attention from her father. Keep in mind that at her age this would likely not have any sexual type of connotation for her, however; what she learns from this experience is going to influence her actions and thoughts as she becomes a young woman and begins to build relationships outside of your and her father.

Kimberly - posted on 12/28/2011




It is fine unless you have real reason to doubt their love. I think it is great that a daughter has the chance to express her feelings to her father as I never had that. My daughter is only two but loves her daddy very much, I would never take that away from either of them unless I had real fact that it was something more then love. No matter how old we get we will always be someones little girl


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Michelle - posted on 12/27/2011




It makes me sad that our daughters can no longer show how much they love their Dad without people thinking the worst.

I quite often hugged my Dad and sat on his lap. Gosh, when I went to Europe with him for 2 months when I was 12/13 I had to share a bed with him (we were both wearing PJ's) because my brother had the fold out bookcase in Dad's 1 bedroom flat.

I think it's wonderful that your daughter has a great relationship with her Dad. Unless there are other reasons for your concerns let them share the special bond that Dad's have with their Daughters.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 12/27/2011




This could get interesting.

But unless you give more detail( like how much is all the time? is her body language when she hugs him/sits on his lap? Is it the same as when she was 2,3,4,5....ect) then what your saying seems normal to me.

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