My 11 year old has not been listening to me

Melissa - posted on 12/18/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 11, she's my only child. Lately, she does not listen..at all. She will say "Wait a minute " everytime I tell her to do something. She listens to others, but not me. I use to spoil her & never disaplined her, but lately started & now have a problem. How can I make her listen? I've read to put the fear of God in her. I have always been very honest with her.

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Sarah - posted on 12/18/2015

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I agree that consistency is critical. So do not make a threat of a consequence that you won't follow thru with completing. We had one incident with our now 19 yo son. He was 15 and needed a rude awakening. He was in general a good kid, just started up with the attitude and thinking that his privileges were actually his entitlements. We stripped his life down to a blanket, a pillow, a flashlight and change of clothing. No door, no furniture, no phone, computer, TV, or social life. Shelter, clean pair of clothes and food. That was it. It was an enormous pain, but it was so worth it. Fortunately all of my other kids know that I will do the same to them if needed. I doubt it will ever come to this for your daughter, but it's an example of if you say your going to do it, you have to do it!

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Melissa - posted on 12/18/2015

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Thank you Shawnn Lively, I appreciate your input & I think your exactly right. I want for her to continue being a good person & don't want it to go past the not listening to me & end up having her not listening to teachers, authorities, adults, etc.. & if that means taking things she loves & not getting her everything she wants then I'm willing to do that to make sure she grows up to be a respectful, caring, genuinely good person! Thank you for taking time to help a fellow mama! :-)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/18/2015

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Part of the problem is that you raised her without discipline, so she got used to not having consequences, etc.

Since you've now changed boats and decided to enforce discipline, you're going to need to work harder at it. Consequences. Consistent consequences, enforced fairly. Define the difference between a 'want' and a need, or a privilege or a necessity. Remove all 'wants' and privileges from the equation. In order to earn them, she needs to listen, follow directions, and respect rules.

Lindsey - posted on 12/18/2015

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Yeah it's the age to but I have to show him to be reasonable and I have also taken him out of soccer before to for the same reason but the phone I think hit harder, and he tells me I ruined his life to but I try and not let it get to me or he will take advantage.. I also have a 9 year old son who is mentally ill so a lot of my time goes to him but I need to keep my 12 year old in check to .. I hope it helps

Melissa - posted on 12/18/2015

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Lindsey, Thank you so much for taking the time to help. Wiw, I only have 1& know how hard it is, so kuddos to you! & Yes, my daughter loves her phone. I think the only things that she cares about is her phone & her acting, singing, dancing & modeling. I told her she couldn't do a acting job once & she told me I ruined her life. I felt so bad, but I didn't know what else to do. I felt like the worst mom for taking away something she is so passionate about & really it was not my idea, It was my husband's. So I am going to try the phone thing. She loves her iphone! I'm glad to hear things are getting better with your son. A lot of people keep telling me "Its just that age!" but I hate it.

Lindsey - posted on 12/18/2015

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Hi, I have a 12 year old son how does the same thing and I never really disapline him but I had to start so I started to take away his most pride possession which was his phone and told him he couldn't have it back till he started to listen to me because I'm a mother of 5 it's hard .. But he started to do what I asked of him and if he forgets he gets it taken away again.. Hope this helps

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