My 11 year old watches porn and I caught her! How should I punish her?

Gabriella - posted on 01/25/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

2

0

1

My 11 year old has always been good, school captain and music captain at her school. So I was completly shocked when I went to say goodnight and give her her milkshake (she always has one before bed) and I caught her watching porn through a crack in the door! I knocked on the door and heard her slam the computer lid shut so she obviously knew what she was doing was wrong. She has her period and has hit puberty.
I knoe I should punish her, but I don't want to break our bond and trust. How should I confront and/or punish her?
Thanks, Gabriella Swift.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 01/25/2015

7,663

7

915

First things first, why does she have a computer in her room alone? That needs to be out in the open areas of the house such as the kitchen table, living room, dining area: Just any area you can see the screen when you go by.

Secondly, you need to sit down with her and have a long talk about the porn and what it shows. You need to tell her that what she is watching is an act not the real thing and that its not what happens in real life. Tell her the actions do but they are exaggerated way too much. She needs to know that its for adults only. You also need to talk to her more about sex, what happens when two people have it, the emotions involved, and do it on her level of understanding not at an adult level.

Thirdly, I would be putting parental blocks on the computer but also keep checking it. Check her history. The parental blocks will help keep her out of places you do not wanting her to go such as the porn sites but nothing is better than you. You can also control the time she is on and for how long.

Fourth, if you want to give her consequences for this you can take her computer. She is going to hate that because I assume like most other teens and preteens, she keeps up with friends on it. She is going to have to learn not to be able to have this freedom. Only allow her to use the computer if she needs to do homework because a lot of their classes anymore want homework done on the computer. Make her earn the trust back.

She needs to know that starting this kind of thing is going to maybe lead to other behaviors you want to stop now. Kids just a wee bit older than she is are texting sex chats between them, taking nude or partially nude pics of themselves and this can lead to problems with the law if they are caught, and can lead her to wanting to experiment even if she thinks to do so. I am not saying she ever will do these other things but she needs to know now that these things can have bad results before she gets to involved.

She is your child. Take care of her.

Jodi - posted on 01/26/2015

3,561

36

3907

Not sure about punishment, but a logical consequence is not to allow her to have internet access in her room. Computers should be set up in a public area of the home so you can monitor your children's usage. What you need to do is set rules around her computer and internet usage, and sit down and have an honest discussion with her about how porn is not reality.

And you are worried about breaking your bond or trust? You are her parent. You have an obligation to address this.

2 Comments

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms