My 12 y/o lies, steals, and more

Taylor - posted on 10/30/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter has always been independent and resisted ever having her hand held metaphorically speaking or being told what to do however now days it seems she is literally unable to follow any sort of rule what so ever. We say she can stay out and play till six, she'll come home at 6:30 with smart mouth attitude. We say no friends can come over when we run to the grocery store and come home to find her sneaking her friends out the back door. And so on and so on.

She is big on social media like most kids her age, but literally freaks out if I attempt to put any limits on her access, time on said medias, or my vigilance over her activity on said medias.

For example, she isn't allowed to have the table in her room when it's time for bed on a school night...so she waits till everyone goes to bed and is asleep before sneaking out of her room to take it. She's even hid it in her room so we can't take it away from her.

Then there is the type of activity she does on these sites, again for example a alternate facebook account pretending to be her adopted sister. She also claims on this alternate persona that she's cutting herself(which is false...I checked her to make sure) and claims to be suicidal.

I've tried being understanding, punishing, yelling, and even forbidding her internet access...which fails because either she again steals my phone or table to gain access or wait till my husband and I are out of the house or she'll go to her friends house to gain access.

I really don't know what to do any more. We can't trust her to say even the smallest of truth and she is getting to be nearly impossible to be around. Anyone have any suggestions?

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Erin - posted on 10/31/2014

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Sorry you're going through this. Parenting is definitely not easy. Dr. Dobson wrote a book called, "Parenting Isn't For Cowards." How true!

The truth is, at this stage in her life, she's not going to want to be best friends with you. She's going to question you on everything lol, and challenge whatever disciplinary boundaries you try to put in place for her. You have to stand your ground and be consistent in your punishment.

Hang in there. Things will get better but these years are difficult by design, They are crucial for her development and she needs you to parent well. Good luck!

#LIvn'ItUpInCO

Michelle - posted on 10/30/2014

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Like Shawnn has said, if she freaks out when you discipline then tough luck, you're the parent so it's your rules.
I would also password protect the internet and change it regularly so she can't access it. There are a lot more that you can do but you'll have to put up with the tantrums.
When she is having one of her tantrums also let her know that if she's going to act like a toddler then she will be treated like one. As toddlers my kids knew that tantrums didn't get them anywhere so a preteen should be able to grasp it.
It does depend if they have worked in the past though because then you have to "retrain" her.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/30/2014

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First of all, who is the parent? FB is restricted to 13 + years old. Period. If she throws a fit...OH WELL...she's not the adult, and she's not proving herself to be responsible.

LOCK up the tablet, in your room. That handles the 'sneaking out' to get it after you're asleep. For the times that she's allowed to use it, BLOCK the websites. Set her up her own parentally controlled account. She can only access what you allow. And again, if she throws a fit...OH WELL...rules are rules.

For the foreseeable future, she will need to accompany you on all outings, or have a trusted ADULT sit with her to make sure she's not sneaking over to friends, etc.

Take control.

Julie - posted on 10/30/2014

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Start with some couseling. I was a rebelous middle child too. Maybe shes getting the wrong kind of attention but hey its attention to her. Find things to do with her that are fun to redirect attention in a positive way. Even though she probably deserves punishment maybe more positive fun will bring her out of it. Good luck

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