my 12 year old curses

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Sarah - posted on 04/19/2015

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I got soap once, but all I really learned was soap tastes bad! I must have said something really shocking, becasue my mom had a different trick for cussing. She'd tell us that is those were the only words we could think of to say, "then we were not very creative" then she'd make us hand write a list of words we could say in place of the swear word. The length of the list depending on the word and the context; but try coming up with 100 alternative to the f-word! We learned quickly that it just wasn't worth it. All of my kids have dropped a swear once or twice, mostly for shock value I think.

Michelle - posted on 04/17/2015

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Like Jodi has asked, what are the consequences for swearing?
My children don't swear and I have never put soap in their mouths.

Ev - posted on 04/17/2015

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I got the soap in mouth one time for getting a younger child to repeat some things that were not nice...no swearing. I never did it again. But I do not think its a good thing to use to curb the swearing. I had a couple kids I worked with that lived at home with parents who did and was warned by the parent of this. Over the course of a few weeks, anytime either said a swear word I would remind them we did not use them where we were. It was not long that they were not using them no more. They were also in the 2 to 3 year old age range.

Dove - posted on 04/17/2015

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Dish soap in the mouth?! Ugh... horrid. I would never, ever, ever put something in my child's mouth as punishment. Abusive and disgusting.... and I don't care who supports it. My opinion on that will never change.

My kids don't swear. I don't swear and they were just always taught that our family doesn't talk like that. Living in this neighborhood they all hear it a LOT on a daily basis, but my teenagers will even search up the clean versions of songs on Youtube because they think foul language is stupid and they don't want to hear it.

Raye - posted on 04/17/2015

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My step kids will cover their ears when they hear a bad word on TV, and we say "yeah, just ignore that part". We both do not cuss in front of the kids, but my step-son just told me this week that his momma cusses a lot. We'll see how they do when they're older. But it will not be up to me to punish them, anyway.

With my mom, at first, she would ask us to stick our tongues out and she would dab a little on there. If we refused, she told us it would be much worse if she had to force us, and she would take her finger and coat the whole inside of our mouths. But once it got to the point that she would have to wrestle us to do it, she quit. Punishment no longer effective.

Trisha - posted on 04/17/2015

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My husband and I curse like sailors... I know we shouldn't, but we do.
My step son is 16 and does not swear in front of us. We are fully aware that in his social group he will, but we have made it clear that he does not swear in front of his elders. He needs to be responsible to the people around him, and do what he can not to offend those around him. I think that this method has worked for the most part. He doesn't swear in front of us.
I think everyone has a responsibility to the people within their hearing range. If it is offensive, people don't need to hear it. I suggest you focus on this with your 12 year old.. Good luck.

Jodi - posted on 04/17/2015

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My kids don't curse in front of me either, and I've never put a taste of soap in their mouths (or anything else for that matter). To me, it is up there with physical punishment (well, it is a form of physical punishment).

If you teach your kids correctly about respect, manners, and the rest of it, they will know that there are things that shouldn't be said or that aren't appropriate. And remember, I have adult children. I assure you, they all know what is appropriate and what is not without having soap in mouths. It's a totally unnecessary punishment. And for some children, can be dangerous due to the chemicals - I have heard of cases of children having physical reactions.

Not to mention this is a 12 year old. Are you going to use physical violence to hold the child down to administer the punishment? Just wondering.

Saying "well my parents did it to me" is the same argument parents give for hitting their kids..."well my parents hit me with a wooden spoon or belt or shoe (or whatever they were hit with) and I turned out fine". No, you turned out respectful IN SPITE of the physical punishment, not because of it.

Raye - posted on 04/17/2015

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Jodi, I know that approach is not agreeable with everyone. But even to this day (I'm 39), I try not to cuss in front of my mom. I will if I am directly quoting what someone else said, or if I'm really mad (not at her) and it slips out, then I apologize. The taste of Palmolive and learning to be respectful to my mom has stuck with me.

Jodi - posted on 04/17/2015

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I don't agree with washing mouth out with soap.

However, I will ask if you have consequences in place for this.

Raye - posted on 04/17/2015

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What have you tried as discipline to make them not curse? My mom would wash our mouth out with dish soap.

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