my 12 year old daughter

Lashanda - posted on 07/06/2016 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Listen I don't need negative feedback from mothers but more so some positive answers or direction. I just found out a couple hours ago my 12 year old was pregnant, I work swing shifts to provide for them, this by far is the most hurtful thing. I taught her to always respect herself and stay a virgin til she marries. Now I don't know what to do or which direction to take, I have made her an appointment but I'm scared that I will be locked up behind this situation someone who has gone thru this please give me some insight on what to do? Oh abortion now adoption is an option at all!!

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Marciabernice797 - posted on 07/07/2016

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Please take your child to a doctor as soon as you can. You didn't say if your daughter used a home pregnancy test, but verification from a doctor is always the best option. Home tests can reflect false-positives, particularly with a girl so young. Then, if she is really pregnant the next hurdle is her physical well being and if her young body is capable of delivering a live baby. Only a medical professional can provide this information and guide you with choices. From then on, take it step by step, listening to doctors and those professionals trying to help you and your daughter. Prayers to you!!

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2016

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I can't imagine you'd be jailed for your child having sex. However, you might need to prepare yourself for CPS being notified. The doctor caring for your child and the staff at his office are all mandated reporters. The concern of inadequate supervision may be brought up. If it does come up, just remember that CPS or DCFS is not out to jail you, take your kids away or force her to give up the baby. They just want to be sure everyone is safe and adequately supervised. Be honest with them and things will go more smoothly for everyone. Also, if they are notified, all that means is they will visit and talk to you and your children; it doesn't mean a case will be indicated. Good luck!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/06/2016

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Regardless of whether or not you wish to raise the child, the young man and his parents are equally responsible. They don't get to choose abortion. They get to face the music, just as you and your daughter do.

Take them to court. Prove paternity and file for sole custody, and support. Encourage visitation. That baby will need all the family it can get.

Dove - posted on 07/06/2016

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Wow! I'm so sorry for what is going on. My ex left us when my twin girls were 6 and having a young pregnant teen was my biggest fear... cuz I know the statistics. I've spent the past 8 years (girls are 14.5 now) taking VERY proactive measures on full education and getting them involved in activities... and keeping them in contact w/ several positive male role models... Plus making sure they were well supervised for a LONG time.

I know none of that does you any good NOW because the damage is already done, but it is so, so, so important for all moms to keep in mind that if their children are not getting what they need... they WILL go and find it... and often in very inappropriate ways.

I think you are probably doing about all you can be. She definitely needs close monitoring and prenatal care. She is definitely not equipped on any level to parent, but she should absolutely be held accountable to help as much as possible when she is not in school. This won't be a doll that she can just ignore when she wants to go play.

I would also highly recommend you get into some family counseling and also have her attend parenting classes.

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Meghan - posted on 07/08/2016

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Hello, I would just like to say from a once teen mother myself, that it wasn't her intention to hurt you, and you should try not take it personally, support her through it and all will end well, this is one of the things life has decided to throw your and your daughters way, all you need to do now is stand strong and help your daughter stand strong too through this- this is tough for her too.

I hope everything goes okay.

Lashanda - posted on 07/06/2016

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Thanks Sarah, that makes me feel much better. I'm ready to take on whatever they come at me with. I'm a working mom and take care of my daughter to the fullest.

Lashanda - posted on 07/06/2016

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Thank you for you response and definitely will be doing that and not that I haven't been their for her or showed her all the love and attention she needed. You can be around them as much as you can but they'll still make their own decisions whether right or wrong!! Appreciate the advice!!

Lashanda - posted on 07/06/2016

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Thank you for that response, I really appreciate that!! It was accurate also!! Will do just what you said!!

Dove - posted on 07/06/2016

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Oh yes... definitely what Shawnn said as well. I forgot to address that part of the issue.

Lashanda - posted on 07/06/2016

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The father is only 13 himself, prior to this months before she had all her STD screenings so she don't have anything unless it was during the time of her having sex but will find out when she goes to the doctor and yes I'm scared of going to jail due to listening to others opinion but as a mother I'm going to do what it takes to keep her safe and support her.

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2016

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Well it isn't an option for the father, he made a baby and whether he chooses to be part of the baby's life or not he is still obligated to support the baby. I only asked why adoption was not an option, as you did not clarify that you were planning on raising the child in the OP.
I still don't understand what you mean by "I'm scared that I will be locked up behind this situation" ? Are you worried you will go to jail because your child had sex at 12? How old is the father of the baby? It's unfortunate that she did not use birth control. She will need to be screened for STDs as well at the doctor visit.
Do you have other children?

Lashanda - posted on 07/06/2016

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Also I've contacted the father and his mom neither want to be apart, they told me to abort the baby, but that's definitely not an option!!

Lashanda - posted on 07/06/2016

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Adoption isn't an option because I'm going to keep the baby that's why? I'm in Georgia and laws here are different for one. Yes we've talked about being on some sort of protection!!

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2016

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What do you mean by "I'm scared that I will be locked up behind this situation" ? is there a typo in that phrase?
I suppose the first thing you do is contact the father's parents and arrange to discuss the situation with them. Your 12yo is not going to be able to parent, so you are going to have to raise this child. I know you wanted her to remain a virgin til marriage but did she have any knowledge of birth control and how to keep herself safe? Just curious why adoption would be off the table?

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