my 12 year old daughter.

Gail - posted on 09/22/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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my 12 year old daughter has just told me that she's depressed and says she cuts herself BUT the thing is she dont do it to want to die she cuts to live. now to look at her arms (were she says she does it) u can't really say she does I no for a fact that she likes to pick if she gets a car scratch etc and she has scars from that so I'm not really sure what to think. I got her into consulting also her dad is not really being the dad she needs like when he says he coming to get her and don't he says he's stuck at work (not sure if he is) and she says that makes her mad cuz it happens so much also school is fine with her grades are good she always talking with friends etc so I feel like she's trying to get attention from her dad and when she trys to talk to him and he tells her he needs to work etc she just leaves or hang up. also her dad hasn't really been round whole lot with being in jail 3 years ago then being made to go to church and live with there nana now this. can someone plz help me

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Anne - posted on 09/23/2016

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Thanks for the back drop. I know how churches can influence a person's perspective on things, so as long as you are convinced your daughetr can separate church practices from the Bible, she will be able to recognize the true character of God.

Life is a journey isn't it? And every road block we face is an opportunity for God to reveal Himself to us. Would we ever choose to find out about God that way? Probably not. But when we look back in our life we can be thankful for those growing pains that changed us on the inside. I am so glad we have had a chance to share, Gail.

Anne - posted on 09/23/2016

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As I read your story I can't help but feel a sadness for your daughter. She is stuggling to be acknowledged, to be cherished, and to be in the center of her father's love. To me, that is what every child longs for whether they consciously realize it or not. There is an emptiness inside her heart that only the presence of her father can fill.

God made us that way. He made us with a need to feel complete and it all begins with the unconditional love and authority of a father figure in our lives. The cutting she does is an attention-getting device because to her, negative attention is better than no attention at all. Your daugher is not being self-ceneterd by displaying this behavior, she is crying out for help; "Someone notice me, someone listen to me, some please tell me I am important!"

In all my years of learning and observing, I am convinced that fathers do not know the crucial role they play in the upbringing of emotionally and spiritually healthy children. And if they do know, many do not have the tools to get this job done, or, they simply excuse themselves from this God given responsibility.

One way you can respond to her cry for help is to spend as much time as possible verbalizing your concerns, your attempts to help her, and your deep heart felt understanding that what she is experiencing is important enough for you to surround her with affection when she needs it the most. She wants to know you are on her side even when she might be harboring some anger towards her father's lack of attention.

The most important feeling a child needs to make it through this lifetime is an anchored self-identity. That starts to take shape the moment they are born. Maybe that didn't happen when your daughter was born in the way you had envisioned it would, but the good news is that hope is not lost. God is in the business of restoration and mending the broken hearted. He did for me and countless other people all over the world.

God became the Father to me I never had. My dad lived in the house but he was so emotionally and physically disconnected from our lives he may as well have been invisible! Teenagers didn't cut themselves in those days, but they sought out attention in a whole lot of other negative ways. That is part of my story, how that aching longing was finally satisfied when I allowed God to become the center of my life.

I am saying all this to emphasize the fact that you or anyone else may not have any control over what her father chooses to do with his heart, with his time, and with his affections. But your daughter's self worth and purpose can be healed by the love of her heavenly father.

One thing that might be a sort of self-therapy for your daughter is for her to start journaling her feelings, her hopes, her dreams, her disappointments, and her successes. Something happens when you get those feelings out and read them over. It is a valid statement of who you are and it feels good to document these things. Then, as time passes, she can look back and measure any changes or progress and see that she doesn't have to stay stuck in a dark place.

I am so sorry this heavy burden weighs upon your heart momma. Let's pray together before I leave this page.

Father in heaven, you can see exactly what is going on in the mind and heart of my child and why she feels the way she does. Right now I feel so incapable of fixing her situation. I don't have the power to change these circumstances. I am asking you to intervene and do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. I ask you to soften the heart of her father and to bring to his attention the need for his presence in her life. Only you can do that father, because you want their relationship restored. You desiged a father's love to be a shield and a protection. Thank you that you care so much and that you love my daughter more than I do. I place my trust in you now, amen.

Betty - posted on 09/22/2016

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You must make her the center of your life find things she likes and do them with her to keep her mind of her inner self

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Gail - posted on 09/23/2016

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i was already thinking that. lol. and i no thé LORD can do some pretty amazing things and he has for my self also. she herself knows what he can do. when they were made to go the a church which I'm not sure were ur from but this church is in canada new brunswick and is known as a cult just because of somethings they have done. u could even Google it and will show. but this place is Pentecost so they were made to wear what they didn't want to. anyway she does know. just to get it so she will use the tools she learns

Anne - posted on 09/23/2016

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I like your idea Gail, and I think anything is worth a try. The goal is to give her a place to release these pent up emotions that she can't harness.

The other thought I just had was for you to do the writing. You can record her words as she's talking and she will pick up very quickly that what she is saying matters a lot to you. When you do find some quiet time to address this topic, tell you you would like to write things out so you have a list of things to bring before the Lord when you pray.

You might also have some pre-made questions prepared so when you do spend some time together talking, you will have some questions all ready to ask her and then you can write out her answers. Even if this doesn't bring a quick fix, you are still sending out the meassage that her life is so important to you and you will be there for her no matter what. Knowing you are there for her will help ease some of her emotional conflict.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18).

Gail - posted on 09/23/2016

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thank YOU SOOOOOO MUCH. I broke into tears when reading this because whsts she's going through with her dad and her brother sister is also. i went throught it with my mom and even more rate now I'm 29 years old and I struggle with anxienty panic distorted and her going through this just kills my heart. I talk to her every day bout what's go in on and trying to help her find what's hurting her the most and wanting to help her and she knows were I stand when it comes to her and her dad. I told her to tell him anyway she has to. to let her anger make see that she needs him and rate even more. and I have done a book b
but it's just plan note book and she dont wanna write in it but u have giving me ideas thank you so so so much. one more thing would a secreat pin pale help. cuz when j tion her To .ental health she talked To mer so maybe she Mike that better. but IVe never givin her any reason that she cant talk To me

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