My 12 year old keeps stealing and lying!!

Lisa-marie - posted on 11/10/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I've had an onging issue with my older daughter. She keeps lying and stealing betwern £3 & £5. I'm a single parent and trying to make money stretch but find I'm down money considerably. At first I thought it was me and then I found out the truth. NOW...I've used grounding, removal of all technology and made her work for the money by doing chores. This evidently has had no affect on her as she has done it again today. I had enough and felt a sharp shock would scare her by saying I didn't want a thief living under my roof and therefore asked her to pack her bags. She did this without a fuss or begging not to go. She just walked out with 3 bags full without saying anything.

Did I do the right thing?

What am I to do, chastising just isn't working.

Does ANYONE have some advice on tackling this awful situation please, i'm in desperate need of.an outsiders opinion. I feel like I'm failing.

Please note: I knew where my daughter went and I picked her up after 30 mins. It was unbearable!

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Sarah - posted on 11/10/2014

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A new baby is an adjustment for everyone. However, you do your daughter a great disservice by excusing her behavior. She may just need someone to talk too. If she feels resentful to the new baby, she may be ashamed to admit it. Maybe you can find a counselor for her to talk too? Or, even a close female friend or yours, who she can just let it all out? She may feel angry, jealous, and even hateful towards the new baby. All ok feelings....it is her behavior that is not acceptable. The sooner she learns that you love her just the same, and she will continue to receive the same consequences for her behavior, the sooner she will get back to her old self. Be consistent, she will get the message.

Lisa-marie - posted on 11/10/2014

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Thank you Sarah for your honesty.

I had been a little slack prior to the stealing, but stood my ground since when taking things away. Upon good behaviour after a week or two she would get something back. If a computer was required for homework she would use books and get information that way. I asked her tonight Why she steals and her response was, "I want your attention".

In my daughters defence she has been adjusting to a new baby and I'm doing everything possible to not make her feel left out. However, when I do makeor have time for her she chooses either not to do anything or not spend time together as she wishes to be with friends instead.

I do give her an allowance every week and she has to earn the money before recieving it otherwise she gets nothing.

Sarah - posted on 11/10/2014

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This is an example of don't lay out a consequence unless you really plan on following through. Don't you think your daughter knew you were going to come get her? The fact that you picked her up in 30 minutes to me reflects that maybe you were not consistent with the discipline prior to asking her to leave.
When you choose to remove her phone, computer, clothing or whatever, you really have to take it away and don't give it back until she earns it back, period. If that means she has no phone for two weeks, a month so be it. If she tells you she needs her computer for school, tell her she should have thought of that before she stole from you and make her figure it out. Continue to remove things and don't give anything back! If she ends up with a blanket and pillow on her bedroom floor, with no door, furniture or lighting, she'll get the message that you mean business.
Is it a hassle, yes. Is it hard, of course. Will it be worth it, definitely.
Why is she stealing? Does she earn an allowance?

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