My 12 year old son talking back

Shanna - posted on 07/01/2013 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My son is very Opinionated and always has a Answer for everything and he always wants the last word. He thinks everything funny and makes a joke about everything. It's making it very Difficult to know when he's joking or being a smart ass and should be Punished..

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User - posted on 07/05/2013

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He sounds like a very creative boy, and at least he is interested in talking to you. You don't want to quash those qualities, but you do want to channel them, as it won't serve him well when he is in the working world.

Maybe sit down with him and first off tell him that you admire his creativity, sense of humor, enthusiasm and willingness to talk with you and that you do want to hear what he has to say.

But.

That your feelings matter too - not only as another human being, but as the mother who gave birth to him and raised him, an that you would appreciate if he could speak more respectfully (don't forget to praise him when he does so!).

Then present him with a nice journal and pen and tell him that the clever/funny things he may want to say, that may not be appropriate can be written down, and if he would like to share them afterward with you, he could work on a way to word them that would indicate he has taken your feelings into account and is trying to show respect. He can even ask your advice or suggestions for better wording choices. (don't forget to praise him when he does so!)

(Many times my husband gets frustrated with the people at work and has written emails that he has me look over, and together we re-word them so the gist of the message comes across in a non-confrontational, respectful, non-accusatory way. He's gotten pretty good results from that, compared to his previous inflammatory emails that just fueled fires.)

Getting the last word in is a power thing. Don't get into a power struggle with him - just de-rail it by showing you're willing to work together with him for a more harmonious relationship. And remain calm. Negative behaviours are poor choices for getting the attention from you which is what he really wants. By showing you will react with negative attention, he won't work for the more rewarding positive attention. Don't give up your control by letting him bend you out of shape emotionally. Try reading "1-2-3 Magic" it's a great book on dealing with manipulative behaviors by kids.

Jackie - posted on 07/04/2013

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I have taught for 36 years and have one son who is 19. My preschoolers start talking back and I let them know that won't fly. They are told, they are sat and reminded and then the principal calls home if nothing else works. Disrespectful behavior is not funny or acceptable. We can make excuses for their behavior but they need to be taught what is acceptable, no matter what their circumstances are. My 19 year old is very respectful to me and his dad as well as other adults. We let him know that being a smart mouth wouldn't fly and his dad and I have been divorced since he was 4. I truly believe respect has to be taught early on or your child will cross that line and it is very hard to get them under control. Tough love is very important. Consistency is the key which isn't easy. Parenting is a hard job and we aren't always popular but that is ok. If you feel a behavior is unacceptable, it is. Don't lower your expectations or hesitate to do what you have to when your child don't meet them. We only have one chance to raise a child.

Kelly - posted on 07/01/2013

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Yup, my "smart ass" turned 11, I usually turn the tables on him though. I asked him after one of his many moments what it meant to be "fiscally responsible". He said he didn't know, so therefore I told him he didn't know everything! ;)

9 times out of 10 If my son doesn't stop the behavior he gets the iPad taken away (it's technically not his, but we let him use it) If it goes further, it's automatic timeout in his room. Once we deem he has suffered enough, he has to tell us the behavior that got him there and apologize.

Kelly - posted on 07/02/2013

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I think for the most part, they are testing us..;) no longer are they our "little babies" but trying to see where they fit into this crazy world. Not babies, not teens, somewhere smack dab in the middle and I know that has a lot to do with his friends. I actually wrote my son a letter the day he "graduated" from elementary school. I babbled about various things, but the point I tried to make clear is that I am here if he wants to talk about anything. Plus I said, the next couple of years are going to be difficult and we aren't going to like each other but the one thing I want him to understand the most is that I love him, good or bad. He rolled his eyes, lol. We have to trust that we've taught them enough..;) what helps is that my son has been in cub scouts and is now a boy scout, he's learning what goals and expectations are...which is soo cool to watch. As far as the joking and taking it too far, I have to look at it in perspective and ask myself "is it hurting someone physically/emotionally etc?" or is it "Just annoying the begeezey outta me"

Luella - posted on 07/01/2013

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My son does the same thing. I have simply made jokes like that unacceptable. He's finally gotten the message, but every now and then slips back and I have to remind him. I wish you the best of luck in finding what works for your family.

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Comesha - posted on 07/14/2013

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He's a teenager they tend to do that h will realize that that's wrong an disrespectful.i think that's a phase that some teenagers go through don't give up on hime

Jessyca - posted on 07/07/2013

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My 10yr old has had stomach cramps that bring her to tears throughout the day since breakfast. I've tried heat, Teen Pamprin, Motrin, Warm Milk, Ginger Tea- nothing gives my baby any relief for more than 2-3hrs:( She sees the Dr Monday. (unrelated) Im thinking it's time for her 1st period, but my 16yr old didn't go through it this young. Due to her age, I was able to put her on the pill to counteract the bad cramping. Any thoughts or advice is GREATLY appreciated!! #helplessmama

Gregina - posted on 07/06/2013

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I have one of these 12 year olds too. He is at a very aggrevating stage right now. Lots of prayer, patience, and communication.

Joann - posted on 07/06/2013

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lack of respect is also a form of humor with a bit of sarcasm and really means i can say what i want, i can talk back but in the long run..it is verbal abuse to the mother or parents and punishment should be given to these sarcastic human beings that we have produced or someone has produced that causes quite a bit of problems in raising children the right way.

Staci - posted on 07/05/2013

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I can gladly say I've never had any of my children talk back (ages 20, 12 and 10). Now me on the other hand, I gave my mother a run for her money. I believe this is the reason my children can't get away with anything. Growing up they did need to be punished (not very often). My oldest messed up (he was about 11 yrs old) and his punishment was to have anything in his room electronic taken away. But instead of me physically removing the entire item, I took all the power cords so it looked like I was never there. He still remembers that to this day!!!

LOL!!!!

Cherissr - posted on 07/05/2013

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My son is 9 years old and I'm having the same problem with him. I really think that he gets it from his 19 yr old sibling, which is a girl (of course). I'm starting to punish him for this behavior. Its unacceptable and disrespectful! Some claim that I never disciplined my eldest child but I feel that I did. Nevertheless, this behavior needs to stop before he becomes a teen because today kids are heavily influenced by others, music, and so on. Its not funny when theyre mouthy in public!!!

Shanna - posted on 07/03/2013

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I Totally agree with you Kelly they are all trying to find Where they fit in this crazy world.!!! I love that you wrote him a letter. I might just have to do that with my son. Because you are right there not going to like us very much the next couple of years but we will always love them.!!! Best of luck to you and your family.!! 😃

Shanna - posted on 07/03/2013

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I know as a child of Divorce even as an Adult it's very hard to deal with. My Mom has got Remarried and he has 2 kids of his own. So now that makes 8 kids altogether and 19 grandkids. It's very hard to find the right place to fit in. My Stepdad and I have never been Close and Properly never well be. It's hard for me to love him and feel like that means I love my dad any less. I know in my head that's not true but that's how it feels. So I keep him at Arms length. He's not a very Inviting person anyway. But my point is it's hard to find Where you fit into in a new family. And if he's Close to his real dad it make be the Reason his Being apprehensive about his Relationship with his step father.. I needing to go to Counseling and so did my son when my step father came into our lives so if you haven't already Tried that I would try counseling. I am praying it all works out for you and your family.

Tanesha - posted on 07/03/2013

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I got married two years ago and my older son who is thirteen still has not adjusted to having a father figure. I was a single mom and it used to be just the two of us. He has gone from a cheerful boy to a sullen and angry. He locks himself in his room all the time and talks back and grumbles about everything. I call him for dinner and he does not know why i called but his answer so angry. I argue at him mostly cause he just looks straight ahead and i think he blanks us out.

I try to talk to him, my husband talks to him but it seems pointless. He obeys when we are at home but his attitude toward chores is appalling. He plays with his baby brother sometimes and i would see a glimpse of the happy child i once had but his smile and laughter is rare. I question whether i should have gotten married. I love my husband but lately I wonder

Khristy - posted on 07/02/2013

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I am experiencing the same problem. I really don't have a good solution. It's good to know though that others are in the same boat. :)

Rhonda - posted on 07/02/2013

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I am having the same problem with my son that just turned 13!! It's driving me crazy and I have no idea what to do. He's a good kid but just SO mouthy!! I'm wondering if it has something to do with puberty/hormones?

Shanna - posted on 07/01/2013

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Thanks Ladies. I hope we can find something that really get his Attention. Because taking his Electronics away doesn't seem to be working. We even Tried grounding him from going outside and playing and all of his sports. He's just not getting it.. My husband and I joke around with each other and we joke around with Zach but he just doesn't know when to Stop or what's to Far.!!

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