My 12yr old son has no friends!!!

Tammy - posted on 01/25/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 12yr old son brought home some work from school I had to fill out in 5 spaces what I liked about him, he also had to fill in for himself and then there was a spot for friends to write them down and he put NO FRIENDS that just breaks my heart, but it don't seem to bother him as much as it used to, he is bullied, and told what to do by both the boys and girls he tells me he just ignores them or at least tries too, the bulling I have had to deal with already with the school, and the principal has been very involved. When I asked about the girls telling him what to do and where to stand he said he just blows them off and don't listen to them. He was diagnosed with mild aspbergers and his socialiazation can be hard for him but he wants it but is not given the opportunity. They want to put him in a class with other kids who has difficult time with socialization I know he has a tough time with it, but I beleive he would be social if he was given more of an opportunity from the kids instead of being treated like crap all the time. I just don't know if I want him in this class or not! He also told me that a couple of the kids in his class noticed he was rocking and he does this and times don't even realize he is doing it, his teachers have noticed it but they don't make it an issue. I don't know what he should say to the kids or if they even deserve and explanation, the girl who sits behind him is the one who is always telling him to stop and maybe it does bother her but she is one who bullies a lot of the kids also. I feel like I'm just ratteling on. I have mentioned to my son also if he wants to let the kids in his class know about his aspbergers this was mentioned to me by the school phychologist and when I mentioned it to him he said no because it would only make it worse and I have to go with what he wants as he is the one who has to go to the school not me. He is my only child and I love him it took me 10yrs to get him, after all me and my husband went through to get him it was the greatest day in our lives when we adopted him. I know I'm not the only one who has these problems and some are worse than what my son is going through I'm just looking for some imput if anyone is willing. Thank you!!!!

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Terrie Lynn - posted on 01/26/2013

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PUT HIM IN A PROGRAM FOR YOUNG GUYS SUCH AS BIG BROTHERS BIG SISTERS PROGRAM, MY SON IS 20 YEARS OLD NOW BUT, HE ABSOLUTELY ENJOYED BB/BS PROGRAM, YOU CAN TRY FOOTBALL CAMPS, TRY TRAVEL CAMPS, MOST YMCA HAVE THESE AND MAKE SURE HE IS NOT SURROUNDED BY THE FRIENDS AT SCHOOL. HE NEEDS TO MEET A WHOLE NEW CREW OF KIDS THIS WILL HELP WITH HIS SOCIAL SKILLS AND ACCEPTANCE TO.. HE WILL BE JUST FINE.. ONE THING IS TO SK HIM EXACTLY WHAT IT IS THAT HE WOULD LIKE TO DO WHAT DOES HE ENJOY?? YOU WILL BE HAPPY THAT YOU DID!!!

Rebekah - posted on 01/25/2013

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I agree with Julianne Marie... therapy would be helpful. Is the class you mentioned for the whole day, or just part of the day or a few times per week? It sounds like the school is trying to do something to help him. What makes you question putting him in the class? Would he be willing to try it? He might be relieved to get away from the kids that are giving him a hard time.

My other thought is, can you find another group for him to be a part of where he can connect with kids based on an interest area? Whether its an after school club, or a youth group, or somewhere he can volunteer... ? Just brainstorming. Find what he really likes to do or what his strength is and see if he can nurture that in a group of people that will encourage that too. It provides a vehicle for him to connect with others.

Juliannemarie - posted on 01/25/2013

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Tammy, People with aspergers syndrome have a hard time socializing because we can't pick up on body language or tone of voice. We don't understand the emotions behind what someone is saying. Only 7% of spoken word is contributed to what the conversation is actually about. The best thing to do would be therapy, but not to curb violent behaviour. Therapy to teach him how to use critical and logical thinking to decipher what body language is. If we learn body language from text, it makes communication easier and it relates to aspies the way we understand. So, while other people use their natural instincts to communicate, we can use our strengths to analyze the conversation and properly understand it.

Juliannemarie - posted on 01/25/2013

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Ashley, I find that very offensive, discriminating, judgmental and just plain wrong. You have no idea what you are talking about. I have mild aspergers syndrome and while I was always shunned by my classmates, did not go on a "violent damage". I am a very well adjusted adult. Mother of two beautiful children whom I properly care for. You should do research and actually think about what you say before you decide to discriminate against a disorder you know nothing about.

Tammy - posted on 01/25/2013

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Who the hell do you think you are!!! I don't believe that is in my son he has a big heart and the last thing on his mind is hurting a person or any living thing... He has seen a psychologist and there are no signs of him being hurtful to anyone, or himself just so you know. I would appreicate you not responding to any of my posts again.

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