My 13 year old daughter is a nightmare

Kaylee - posted on 10/08/2017 ( no moms have responded yet )

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After years of therapy and placements out of the home I have come to the point where I am not sure I can parent my child anymore. She steals, lies, manulipulates, refuses to follow rules and the fun new thing is asking strangers to be her boyfriend... multiples daily on social media accounts she shouldn't have on phones shes stolen, she cant have her own phone because she is stupid with it.... I have tried everything. Therapy, family therapy, placement, reward systems, punishments, moving, seriously this list could go on for years... I don't know what to do anymore. Tonight I caught her on a cell phone she took from my room.. an old one of mine. She was talking to some boy. Tried to hide it when I went in her room. At my wits end I spanked her like she was a small child. Took the phone away and put her on 100% lock down, meaning school and home that's it! But it will be more of a punishment to me... she will likely physically attack me. The people of power claim she is not "bad enough" for a long term placement. I can't stand her anymore. I feel like crap for saying that but I have done everything to try to help her and things just get worse...

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Kathy - posted 2 days ago

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How about church groups for her age after school? Take away her computer, iPad, phone, and have her good behavior earn them back slowly. I'd also consider writing out a home "contract" of all the things you expect from her, both as a live-in and behaviorally speaking. But yea, kids have no motivation to be moral or upstanding cause "everything goes" nowadays. Sad. If they read the Bible, they would see that no, not everything goes. And it's for our own good that God tells us not to do certain things. Hugs and prayers go out to you!

Susan - posted 5 days ago

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Kaylee,
My heart goes out to you - and you should not feel guilty about your words...a behavioral problem can be extremely frustrating for a parent once control has been lost. It could put any of us over the edge. It sounds like she has a lot of impulsivity going on - and she definitely could benefit from a behavioral counselor...maybe even something to calm her impulsivity. Is she under the care of a psychiatrist?

Sarah - posted 5 days ago

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The root of her behavior is far past the need to correct her actions. No matter the cause it needs to be ended. What has the school done for you thus far? If not much, I'd push for more help. IMO she need long term residential placement and while those places can cost a fortune, they also have scholarships and sliding scale. If that is not an option, then some aggressive therapy may help. Exact consequences for her actions will help, but you have got to be consistent.

Bella - posted 5 days ago

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I really am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I can only encourage you to continue to be strong and not give up on her completely. She needs you and I think it's important to find out what the root cause of her bad behavior is. Her extreme behavior could be a result of some inner emotional turmoil she is going through which somehow the therapy has not been able to address. This might mean you have to look at another source for counselling for her. I know a family organisation 'Focus on the family' that can help with referrals if you need.

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