My 13 year old daughter is suicidal

Alicia - posted on 09/21/2013 ( 54 moms have responded )

28

0

1

Monday night my daughter took a bottle of aspirin in hopes to kill herself. She woke up tuesday morning throwing up, got scared and told me. I took her to the nearest hospital where for 3 days she had to have ivs leveling out the acid level in her blood. She was transferred to a mental health clinic and is currently on a 72 hour hold. They already called me to inform me that because of the amount of aspirin she took they want me to sign her in voluntarily for longer. I didnt get to visit yesterday, only a phone call. She thinks shes "being good" and will be going back to school next week. I searched her room to find journals dating back about six months that she and her friends cut and that she has attempted this before. How do I stay strong when my baby girl wants to die and hurt herself?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Shereba Von - posted on 09/23/2013

1

0

0

I will probably get a lot of hate from people here by saying this.
I am thirteen and I am going through the same things as she is. She may feel neglected, like if she has older or younger siblings and you pay more attention to them than you do to her. It could also be things going on at school, what with bullying, by teachers and peers.
If you don't understand the cutting I can explain this; the brain processes emotional and physical pain in the same ways. When you are in physical pain, endorphins are sent out to the spot to numb it. But because emotional pain does not have a spot in the body, it is ignored. It just builds up over time. Cutting is like a coping method. When you cut, the endorphins that are sent out for the physical pain also help the emotional pain for awhile. But the cycle just repeats over and over because bullying doesn't stop. Or things don't change. It does get to the point that suicide feels like the only option, because if you talk to somebody or tell them, they try to talk you out of something that you truly believe will make you happier.
All I can say is try to spend more time with her, but don't smother her, because she will just feel like you are constantly watching her. Which I guess you will be when she gets home, but keep it in mind.
I don't want anyone else feeling the same way I do. Hugs and I hope you guys will be alright in the long run.

Aileen J - posted on 10/30/2013

66

0

9

Dear Alicia
I am very sorry to hear that shes doing so badly in school, I know from what I have read and my own daughters symptoms that poor memory is a big thing in depressed teenagers so this may be a temporary thing, could it be the Prozac either I think you problably need to talk to her health care proffessional, I know it is easy for me to say this but compared with what you faced a month ago this is nothing you can cope with this and so can she, my instinct would be not to be too hard on her if she seems to be trying as she is coming back to you and ask her what she thinks might help. Do they know in the school she is medicated and has been ill or are you keeping that private any behavioural issues noted on the reports?
With my own girl I have moved the goalposts entirely at the minute I am just glad she appears not to be cutting any more( I am not 100% sure) and is talking a bit more but we still have a long way to go, she was a straight A student before this, now she has had one suspension and two detentions since the beginning of September but we are getting their bit by bit.
I am sending kind thoughts to you.
You can do this.
Try if you can not to be "on her" too much she may be doing all she is capable of at the minute.
Aileen

Crystal - posted on 09/23/2013

6

12

0

That is so hard to hear, as a parent you sit there and wonder what might have went wrong how do u miss the signs... there could be plenty of reasons and I pray that those reasons get found out.. mental health sounds bad but can be a positive for her.. I hope your daughter recovers and heals

Aileen J - posted on 10/30/2013

66

0

9

I had post natal depression which although very different gave me some idea of what it might be like.
At one point being alone with my two children then two and a newborn ( I have two more now) was more than I could easily cope with which seems incredible to me now when I am ok, but was really the case then, things do change, depression does lift.

Having a shower and getting dressed to go out was an achievement and the smallest problem (the newborn needing to be changed just before we went out or spitting up or crying) was the end of my world.

It may be that getting up putting on a good face and walking into a new school is where it is at for your daughter right now, other things will come. Tell her she will be well and well done for anything she is capable of at the minute.

Aileen J - posted on 10/29/2013

66

0

9

I hope things are good with you now I often think of you and your daughter

54 Comments

View replies by

Alicia - posted on 08/11/2015

28

0

1

I wanted to post an update for anyone reading this and those who supported me through this trying time. My daughter is doing amazingly well. She ended her Freshman year with all As and 1 B. She is completely off her meds now for about a month now and seems to be doing great! I'm not entirely sure what changed. I think it was a combination of medication, therapy, never giving up on her, support from family friends and her school. She now believes in herself. I know she still has ups and downs and the depression is always there. She works hard to push through it and always overcomes it. School starts soon and we are confident she will have another successful year.

I want to thank everyone who was there for me, for us, through our darkest hours! It allowed me to be stronger so I could give strength to my daughter, who needed it most. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

Advice for anyone going through this is to reach out for help. You do not have to battle this alone. Friends, family, professionals, and supportive words from supporters on circle of moms helped me get through this. Don't be afraid to speak up. Don't be embarrassed. Don't be ashamed. Don't blame yourself or anyone else. Stay positive and strong. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Alicia - posted on 01/31/2014

28

0

1

Aileen,
Thank you. I am so glad to hear you all have turned a corner. Haven't had that yet but have had steps forward and back. She is getting comfortable with the new school and she's getting excited about high school. I am very nervous but I'm learning to let go of some of that. Thanks for touching base. It is always nice to hear from you :)

Aileen J - posted on 01/31/2014

66

0

9

I hope things are good for you and your daughter we have turned a corner here thank god and are gradually healing with a long way to go yet but with three steps forward and two back we are making it bit by bit it has changed us all me as well as my child and I have realised many things about myself some very uncomfortable that I never did before growth hurts but is needed I think of you oftern and wish you well aileen

Alicia - posted on 12/06/2013

28

0

1

Better 2 forward even with 1 back then none at all. Very much the same here. Still ups and downs but all in all we are moving forward. Thank you again! :)

Aileen J - posted on 12/06/2013

66

0

9

We to are getting there albeit slowly two steps forward and one. Back but heading slowly to a better place I hope you too have a great holiday and I am glad you are moving in a good direction god bless Aileen

Alicia - posted on 12/06/2013

28

0

1

So far it does seem as though the worst is over. Therapy and the medication seem to be helping. I'm staying at home now which gives me a lot more time to really pay attention too. I hope you all are doing well also. I think of you often and am thankful you were there for me in my darkest hour. I hope you and your family have blessed holidays. :)

Aileen J - posted on 12/06/2013

66

0

9

Hoping things are good for you and your daughter now and that the e worst is over. Aileen

Alicia - posted on 10/30/2013

28

0

1

I know. I feel like I cant do it at times and I am at a loss of words or actions. We will get through this. I know it wont happen overnight. Im just always hoping for a breakthrough of some kind. By no means are the bad times out weighing the good ones. Its just the bad times are so hard to carry. I love her so much it hurts to see her in trouble. I dont understand depression because I have never had it. I can only listen, research, and hope I am helping and not making it worse.

Alicia - posted on 10/30/2013

28

0

1

Thank you Aileen. Just had a long talk and I agree, shes probably doing all that she can. Thanks again :)

Alicia - posted on 10/30/2013

28

0

1

Well I spoke too soon. Got her progress report and she has all Fs. Im seriously at my wits end. All I do is make her do her work and I am on her all the time. I just dont know what to do. :(

Alicia - posted on 10/29/2013

28

0

1

Thank you Aileen! She seems to be doing better. She goes to therapy once a week and is still taking 20mg of prozac. We have had some good times together as well as a few bad ones. She is doing well at the new school but still complains about moving. She misses her friends. She still stays in touch with them a little. I just keep reminding her that I want her to focus on herself, school, family and not just her friends. I feel stuck sometimes because I dont want her to be unhappy but I also dont want her to lose sight again. How are you? Is it getting any better/easier?

Aileen J - posted on 10/12/2013

66

0

9

Dear Alicia and kramos we will get through this and hopefully our girls will be better and stronger and some time in the future this will just be a bad memory aileen

Alicia - posted on 10/10/2013

28

0

1

Im sorry to hear that. It is the most incredible shock and my heart is more broken than ever before. I am blessed that she is still with us here on earth. We are all healing and learning and growing. I still have sporadic fits of tears. Then I usually come back stronger and more determined. I still look at children and babies and my heart hurts to think that one day their parents too may face such heartache. I only hope that by one day at a time we all get through this and may see our kids grow up healthy and happy. My thoughts and prayers go out to all the families that are facing these troubling times.

Kramos - posted on 10/10/2013

1

0

0

I found out two days ago that my 12 year old daughter tried to kill herself twice. I took her to the ER and they transported her upstate to Four Winds to heal and be treated. You are not alone. The pain, sporadic crying, and longing when you walk past her room pales in comparison when I think how she is being healed. To all of us=love, and the comforting rod and staff of the Lord.

Aileen J - posted on 10/10/2013

66

0

9

I am glad it helps I think for one reason or another we moms often feel alone in our difficulties and it helps us all to know we are not also I think we are all responsible in a way for all the children and if by sharing we can help each other it is worth it
Take care of you both

Alicia - posted on 10/10/2013

28

0

1

I am sorry to hear it is so difficult to get the help. We are blessed with so many resources, most of which are within a few minutes from the house. Thank you so much for sharing with me, it makes me a little stronger. I hope that you and your daughter stay well and continue to grow and flourish :)

Aileen J - posted on 10/10/2013

66

0

9

I am glad to hear that it is hard to access therapy here ( in Ireland) as the child psychiatry services are poor and the stigma attached to mental health problems huge I am lucky in that my daughter is getting counselling from a charity that deals specifically with self harm and suicide in both children and adults but it is a two hour drive away and I am lucky that I can do that otherwise she would wait a long long time I am going to see someone through a work scheme I hope it works out for you both things are improving a bit with us but I feel I am on eggshells a lot if the time and I do not know if she is still cutting but hope she is not

Alicia - posted on 10/10/2013

28

0

1

Thank you. What a great way to describe my daughter, she is very much like that. Everything appears smooth on top yet she is treading her lil feet underneath to stay afloat. She is in therapy once a week. I havent arranged therapy for myself yet. I know I need to. Thanks again for your support.

Aileen J - posted on 10/10/2013

66

0

9

Is she still getting counselling the good kid is hard to deal with because you are so much at a loss as to what is in their head a good description I heard once was like a duck gliding on the surface and paddling like crazy underneath Are you getting any therapy I found my daughters self harm self hatred and anger so difficult to deal with that I have made some arrangements to see someone myself on Monday for counselling to help me deal with it please mind yourself so you can mind her

Alicia - posted on 10/10/2013

28

0

1

Thank you. Things seem to be ok. That worries me because things seemed fine before. She is doing well adjusting to the new school. I just hope she truly knows how much she is loved and learns to love herself.

Aileen J - posted on 10/10/2013

66

0

9

Thinking of you both and hoping that you are coping ok sending good wishes

Alicia - posted on 10/02/2013

28

0

1

My daughter came home on Monday. She seems to be doing ok. She officially starts her new school today. She went yesterday to do testing and to take the official tour. I am so pleased with how her new school is handling everything. Takes some of the worry out. She is settling into the new house as well and seems to like it ok. Thank you all for your support. Even though some of it was hard to swallow it helped prepare me to handle it.

Alicia - posted on 09/30/2013

28

0

1

Thank you. I am so nervous about today. Hopefully they give me some tools to move forward with all of this myself. She seemed better over the weekend but I am nervous that I wont be able to keep her safe. Im basically a stay at home mom now so I will be able to keep a much closer eye on her. But now I have a new set of evils to look out for. All this time I was worrying about all the things mothers worry about in the outside world and now I have to worry about things under my own roof. We have locked up pills and stuff. Now I just have to figure out how to protect her from herself.

Hopefully she is ready for a new beginning.

Aileen J - posted on 09/29/2013

66

0

9

Dear Alicia it is very difficult for you when her biological father is pulling against what you know to be right for you and your daughter i will be thinking if you on Monday and sending good wishes and prayers your way. You are on a hard road please keep messaging if it is helping you and if you ever need an ear I am happy to be messaged any time I am on the other side of the world in Ireland but as mothers we all have more in common than we think a wise person once said to me a mother is as happy ad her unhappiest child they were so right remember to also take care of your own health try to eat ok and get done sleep to be strong for your child take care of you Aileen

Alicia - posted on 09/26/2013

28

0

1

Things are getting even rockier now because her absent father got it in her head that she should go live with him in a whole other state. He hasnt been there for 13 years but now he thinks he can just jump in and save the day. If circumstances were different I would consider it but he doesnt even want her to get mental help and he doesnt want her taking medication. So now she has another thing to be mad at me for. It almost feels like shes looking for reasons to be mad at me. As hard as it is I will continue to do what it takes for her to be healthy and happy and safe. This includes her not going to live with him.

Her target date to be discharged is now Monday. Im still so worried that she is deflecting so much and not dealing with it. I know it will take some time and I also know she will be mad at me for a long time. Hopefully soon she can see that I will do anything to protect her.

Aileen J - posted on 09/25/2013

66

0

9

Thinking of you and your daughter and hoping things are going ok for you

Alicia - posted on 09/23/2013

28

0

1

Thanks. I have been doing alot of research. Im prepared to go through many more tough times. Hopefully we can find a psychiatrist and therapist that she will open up to. I do feel blessed that she is still here and am prepared to do whatever it takes for her to be healthy and happy. I feel stronger knowing what I do know and even though it hurts learning more it is empowering me at the same time. Thanks again for the support. :)

Tatianna - posted on 09/23/2013

1

0

0

I myself was in your daughter's shoes...so I will say, her being there is one of the best things for her. It took me until I was 22 to get actual help. Only thing I can say that you could help is love her no matter what, understand her (research, research, research) & find someone whom she will speak to.

Alicia - posted on 09/23/2013

28

0

1

Todays family visit went better than expected and even my daughter said so. She is mad at me but also understands or at least says she does. I anticipate she will be out in a few days but dont know yet. Taking everything one day and even one moment at a time. Strength comes and goes but it comes back. Thank you to everyone for all the support. :)

Alicia - posted on 09/23/2013

28

0

1

Thank you Shereba for sharing. I know it must be hard to share so I truly thank you and appreciate your insight. I do plan to watch her more closely when she gets out and hope to gradually get trust back to let her be loved but not smothered. Thank you again for sharing. :)

Aileen J - posted on 09/23/2013

66

0

9

I hope things get a bit better for you soon and your daughter talks to you again she must feel really powerless at the minute with all that is going on just keep loving her as hard as you can and try to see as much positive as you can in everything even it is ok right now because I am drinking tea be in the moment not past or future it is helping me to cope a bit

Alicia - posted on 09/23/2013

28

0

1

Thank you. She wouldn't talk to me on the phone lastnight. We have our family meeting today at 4. Hopefully by then shes had a little time to process the move and I hope shes talking. I do know that she may be mad but she also knows I have to do and will do everything I can to help her be happy and healthy.

Gena - posted on 09/22/2013

306

1

655

Good Luck to you and your family. Antideppresants can really help,it would be good for them to see how she reacts to them there.They can check the dossage and so on. You are doing a great job beeing there for her and supporting her! Its always good for anybody to know that someones always there and supports you.

Raven - posted on 09/22/2013

23

0

8

Bless you. Stay strong, and take care of yourself so you can be there for your daughter. Be careful with antidepressants, they can have serious side effects especially on teens. I would make sure she stays in the hospital as long as you are sure it's helping her. Get her someone to talk with at home too. Try out different counselors till she finds someone she trusts. Unfortunately this is an all too common occurrence for girls in our society. Good luck.

Alicia - posted on 09/22/2013

28

0

1

Thank you for the support. I need to talk about it so I can stay level headed as much as I can.

Ali - posted on 09/22/2013

3

0

0

Having dealt with mental illness all through my adolescents i know it had to be really hard on my parents, i'm so sorry that this has happened to your family the best thing you can do is be there for her and let her know that you aren't judging her. i know it helped my mom a lot to be able to talk to someone about what she was going through.

Aileen J - posted on 09/22/2013

66

0

9

This sounds like a really good decision in that case I would have a relationship with the parents as well it is such a difficult age you want to give them space and privacy then when you do things can go wrong sometimes I wish we all had time machines to fast forward or go back and change the way things worked out schools here anyway are not great at dealing with bullying and one of my own biggest regrets is moving my daughters school a long yime ago so stick to your decisions and open your house to her friends wishing you all the best it will get easier

Alicia - posted on 09/22/2013

28

0

1

Yes. From what I read she has no positive influences friends or teachers. Shes been getting bullied for 6 months with no help from the school. Shes worried about how it will be worse when she goes back. I did tell her I would do everything I could to keep her connected with her friends but that they had to be healthy relationships and I would have to have relationships with their parents as well.

Aileen J - posted on 09/22/2013

66

0

9

Hang in there it may get worse my daughter has told me she wishes I would hate her because then she would have a reason for hating me all the time which took a bit of dealing with . Now I think she is hating herself and looking for someone to blame and that person is the person closest to her was school a problem for your girl if not dies she have to change schools she may miss support if she has good peers

Alicia - posted on 09/22/2013

28

0

1

Thank you, hope it helps too. You and your daughter are in my thoughts as well. Todays visit was a little better but shes still not talking about the issues. Shes still mad at me and more so now that she knows I went through her room and she isn't going back to the same school.

Aileen J - posted on 09/22/2013

66

0

9

I really hope it works out for her I have heard good things about Prozac and if my daughter does not improve soon we may be going that route

Alicia - posted on 09/21/2013

28

0

1

Thanks :) I think it will help. Just googled the heck out of it and it sounds like its very helpful although it may have negative side effects. Id rather they try it while shes being watched so closely. I just didn't expect it so soon.

Taz - posted on 09/21/2013

58

0

13

Awwee poor baby and mom!!:-( Ive been on prozac ,it truly does help with depression. I pray it helps her

Alicia - posted on 09/21/2013

28

0

1

Thank you. It is disturbingly comforting to hear I am not alone in this. Today's visit didn't go well because I had to tell her she wasn't coming home after 72 hour hold was up. Also just got word that they want to put her on 10mg of prozac. Any thoughts?

Aileen J - posted on 09/21/2013

66

0

9

You poor things you are in my thoughts and prayers do not judge yourself and be glad she did not succeed you are at least on a track where you may both get help I do understand and if you ever need to talk I would be happy to do so my 13 year old has been cutting and thankfully I found out before she went further she is depressed and I feel she would have she is now undergoing counselling psychotherapy I did not know for eighteen months and thought we were so close so do not judge yourself or your parenting just move forward from here it is a ciche but a friend said to me it is always darkest before dawn I will be thinking of you

Taz - posted on 09/21/2013

58

0

13

ohhh I'm so so sorry!!! I think her being in there is good for now,i would get family therapist to see why she is doing this and to talk it out. It may be hard for her to talk to you alone and a therapist can help her get those feelings out.Sometimes at this age they're just wanting attention or following the crowd. I would say she needs new friends and for you to be more involved in her daily activities if your aren't doing so already. ;] God bless you both and it will get better

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms