My 13 year old is rude, careless, and disrespectful!

Tallisha - posted on 02/16/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I told my 13 year old to clean her room and stop leaving her things on the ground (clothes, teddy bear, books, homework, etc.) and I got shocked when she put her hands on her hips and told me to shut the f*** up. I told her many times that we do not use swear language for unreasonable situations but she still does! She's been like this since she started middle school and I can't figure out why my child is behaving this way. I thought it was hormones the FIRST and SECOND day she started acting out but it's getting too much than hormones....
I have two other kids in our household so it's very difficult to pay attention to her 24/7 but she seems to want attention more than anything. As for the internet, I ask who the people on her friends list are on FB and Instagram and she tells me to mind my own beeswax whenever I do. I told her that I am the parent, the mom, and she doesn't tell me what to do because it's my job to see her social media accounts and if there's a reason why I can't then her account(s) have to be deleted. She started friending people about in their 20's or late high school aged that lives in our city but I don't seem to have met them before and most of the people she has are people from outside of school, not friends from school. I started wondering if there SHOULD be some kind of limit in friending people online. Any suggestions? There's a big problem with her rudeness, and she swears in front of anyone without a REASON to. I'll have to get a guidance counselor...

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Tallisha - posted on 02/17/2015

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I did set up limits... she MUST tell me who that friend/acquaintance/person whom she knows is and I have told her just about now that there are important REASONS why mothers and fathers do not allow their kids to friend people they don't know.
I took away her privilege of computer time due to her secretive behavior towards me until the young lady understands appropriate manners for her age. However, I do expect a little moodiness in my teens and I've never delt with this with my 16 y/o...

Dove - posted on 02/16/2015

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You should have set up limits BEFORE she got the accounts. My daughter knows that she can not friend anyone that she doesn't personally know and if I ask 'who is this?' and she can not tell me... that person is deleted (hasn't happened yet) and if she refused... the account would be gone... as would any device she owns (my daughter doesn't yet own any though) that she accesses the accounts on.

If she is leaving things on the ground outside of her room... either pick them up and dump them on her floor... or bag them up and take them away.

Does she have any privileges? TV time, computer time, cell phone, hanging out w/ friends, etc...? Start taking things away one at a time for the language and sloppiness. Don't give it too much attention. Just set up a chart of the behaviors you will not tolerate and the consequences for those behaviors... and casually and calmly stick to it. If it is attention she is seeking.... give it to her... but in the form of mother/daughter time... go out to eat, watch a movie, go shopping... whatever.

Definitely do not hesitate to seek outside counseling for both of you if you are overwhelmed w/ the situation and/or you feel their may be extenuating circumstances causing the behavior.

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