My 13-year old son has said he wants to go live with his Dad next year for High School, but I think he should go now?

Maryann - posted on 01/05/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




I am so hurt and confused because I have sacrificed the last 11 years to only my son. I have tried to do everything to set him up for success. His father and I don't agree on anything and he loves to buy him everything, and I can't buy him anything! He has ADD - the inattentive type and I have gone through hell to get him on medication, IEP, ect., through the court. His father doesn't think he has ADD, and won't give him his medicine when in his care. How is he going to get through high school. His father's current girlfriend is playing a great role right now, and gives him money all the time! Soon his father will screw it up soon, because he is not well. When she is gone, then what? I am tired of getting all the hard times and his father gets all the fun; but I still feel like I am failing him? His Dad wants to change schools NOW, and I don't know if I should pull him out now, or if I can deal with finishing out this year, while I am so hurt and sad. I just am sick over this, I have another son who is 5, and is always second... With my older son with his father, I won't have to go through the court for every little thing, and it would be a lot easier for me, honestly. My time with my 5-year-old would be nicer... Still, I am his mother, and we are not at odds. e just got back from the two-week vacation with his dad and springs this on me... I'm so upset and sad. I don't know what to do?


Mommabird - posted on 01/06/2015




I dealt with this when my 23 and 24 yr old sons turned 12 and 13. Their dad and I divorced when they were 6 & 7 and I raised them practically by myself. Their dad and I rarely got along, he was thousands of dollars behind in child support and would go months without seeing them even though he had bi weekly visitation. So yes it was hard to understand when they asked to go live with him at 12 & 13. But I also realized it wasnt their fault their dad was a jerk, and they ARE naturally boys are going to want that bond with their dad. Despite my feelings I let them go stay with their dad. I DID however let them know that if they changed their minds that was it, no going back and forth except on his weekends. I realized they were at an age where nothing seemed fair in life and they wanted that father/son bond more than anything. They quickly realized I was the better caretaker and that their dad had a temper and tried apologizing for it with material things. They realized quickly they missed their mom and moved back. Like Shawnn said....its not a competition between parents. Boys will always want that special bond with dad. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you. He's just being a boy.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/06/2015




What is the age of choice in your area? He could be old enough to choose residence at this point.

You need to find that out, and if he chooses to go live with his dad, let him. Its not a competition between parents to see who can give the kid the most "things", after all.

Also, at 13, he is able to follow a med regimen on his own, and should already be doing so. He should not have to be dependent on his dad to manage his meds.

Check out the age of choice in your area, visit with your son, and your ex, and determine the best path for everyone.


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Maryann - posted on 01/08/2015




Thanks! I really appreciate your responses. I was so emotional that evening, I doubt I made any sense. It feels like it's all going to be alright, and I am going to let him go. He kinda seems like he doesn't want to go already. I did tell him he could come home, and I have a feeling it will be sooner than later. His dad is hounding me to change the order, but I am not doing anything of the kind. I guess we will just have to learn to get along... Thanks again!

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