My 13 year old son refuses to go to school

Susan - posted on 05/08/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old son keeps telling me he doesn't want to go to school because he has a headache and upset stomach. Lately it has been a big fight with him. I don't know what to do because I have the school board and social services down my back all the time now. I am at my wits end with him. He is a gamer as well and I have taken away his laptop and Xbox so many times now that it doesn't work anymore with him. please help

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/09/2014

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Well, go to court, and follow what you're told to do.

He needs to be in counseling. YOU ALL need to be in counseling, if you and his father cannot agree on disciplinary measures, and neither of you apparently contacted the school to get on board with a plan to find out WHAT was happening that he was trying to avoid.

Most likely, the school (mandatory reporters) called CPS because of the initial failure to get him to school consistently. That usually indicates a problem in the home, or school, or both. Since they didn't really have any word from you about there BEING a problem at school, the school would have assumed a problem at home. CPS, when talking to your kid, discovers suicidal thoughts, and sees the situation as one where no one is intervening on the part of the kid.

Good luck. You'll need to make sure you comply with court orders. The reason that you're not being told where he is is due to his suicidal nature at this point, and CPS may feel that you and his father may be a contributing factor to that mood. I say MAY, not that they absolutely DO think this. Their job is, first and foremost, to see to the welfare of the minor involved.

Susan - posted on 05/09/2014

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No its not illegal to leave my 13 year alone and beside he wasn't alone he had his big brother with him, my boys are always together when they are home alone. He is in a foster home now and they took him to school. I will be able to see him on monday afternoon.

Jodi he was taken because he told the case worker that he was in a dark place in his mind and that he wanted to kill himself.

Jodi - posted on 05/09/2014

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Is it illegal where you live to leave your child alone at home? You are allowed to go grocery shopping and pay the bills. Your son should have been at school, and if not at school, he should have been made to go with you. However, it sounds like he was taken not because he was left home alone but because you are not sending him to school.

Susan - posted on 05/08/2014

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Well I no longer have my son because social services came out today and took him out my house when I was not home. I guess that I am not allowed to go grocery shopping or pay bills, I have to go to court within 5 days and talk to the judge. They ripped my heart out and jumped on it, My son is in a foster home and they wont tell me where.

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2014

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Find a babysitter/nanny. Make it a big deal when he stays home by taking him to grandmas or aunts or babysitter. Do not let him stay at home alone. I began to get a little worried when my brother began "staying home" to often. My brother is 14 and I started checking on him when he would be home from school alone. I recently walked in on him "staying home" from school and he was smoking pot in the bathroom!!! I repeat do not let him stay home alone. He denied it to the fullest but I was a dumb kid once too. Since me catching him and informing my mom of what was happening when "staying home" she now makes him come over to my house and be babysat. My brother goes to school now without a fight... I would sit him down and give him the talk about drugs and girls and try to find the reason he is not wanting to go to school. Have a few meeting with the teachers he talks most about (without him being aware you are doing so) and see what they say... Teens are tough to raise so good luck to you and try not to be discouraged(they sense that!!). :)

Jodi - posted on 05/08/2014

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OK, well, you and his father need to talk. Clearly you are not on the same page, and I would suggest he is well aware of this and is playing you.

I wasn't asking if the school agreed with you that he needed to be in school. That's a no brainer. I asked if there were issues at school.

Finally, what does he do all day when he stays home?

Susan - posted on 05/08/2014

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Hi Jodi

I take his laptop and Xbox away so many times because he won't go to school and his father keeps giving it back to him. I have talked to the school and they agree with me that he should be in school. Its always a fight with him to get him up in the morning and get him ready for school. I have taken him to the doctors and they said that there is nothing wrong with him. So now I am at my wits end with him. I have even tried a rewards program with him which means that I have offered him the chance to earn a game if he went to school but that didn't work so now i am stuck and don't know what to do.

Jodi - posted on 05/08/2014

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Why have you taken away the laptop and xbox so many times? Why are you giving it back????

I think you should talk to the school about if there are issues at school. This is usually the major cause of a child this age not wanting to attend school.

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