My 13 yr old daughter

Roxanne - posted on 12/04/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am a stay at home mom of two teenagers. My daughter is 13 and it has been the roughest age to deal with thus far. Her attitude is horrible, she is disrespectful, ungrateful, and just plain ugly sometimes. She comes from a two parent home, has lived in the same house her whole life, has two loving affectionate parents who sacrafice for their children, She has always been told how smart, beautiful, talented and wonderful she is. Today I found a notepad that she had writtenin..not a diary, just a notepad. It said that she hated me and was tired of saying that she loved me because she was lying to herslef and to me. Needless to say, it just broke my heart. How do I handle this? I am so devestated by these words.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/04/2012

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Roxanne, most of the time, at that age, all kids hate their parents. And all kids vent in some way or another, whether it's through a journal, a diary, or just on a piece of paper somewhere. Did you have permission to read that particular notebook? Or were you just picking up a possession of your daughter's and reading through it because it was there, and she wasn't there to say "that's my journal"?



You have violated her trust by reading something that she intended to be a private vent, unless you had her express permission to do so. If you did have her permission, then you may address the subject with her, gently, without accusation, without trying to make her feel guilty for having less than happy thoughts. My recommendation would be to tell her that her feelings are hers to have, but that no matter how she feels about you, you still love her, and will for the rest of her life.



If you did not have her permission, and you confront her on the issue, you will stand the chance of driving a larger wedge into your relationship. Understand that she was expressing the exact same feelings and emotions that almost every 13 YO feels. My eldest, at that age didn't bother to write it, he screamed it at me during a conversation. Then, he went to his room and thought about it, and later, on his own, let me know that he did love me, but that at that particular moment, he didn't like a decision I'd made.



I, personally, had the same type of writing in my journal at the same age. My mother confronted me, admitted that she'd trespassed into my private journal, and tried to guilt me into apologizing to her for having less than charitable feelings about our relationship. I refused, and the gap widens to this day. The woman violated my small amount of privacy. She delved into my private journal, and not only that, she shared it with the rest of the family. The relationship suffered from then on, and isn't completely healed even now, 32 years later.

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