my 14 was caught with alcohol at school today: (

Judy - posted on 02/19/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




I got a call from the principal saying my daughter was caught under the influence of alcohol, my husband went and got her.. she isn't home yet, and I don't even know how to start this conversation, I am so dissapointed in her I've been crying.. help!


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/19/2014




First, you tell her how disappointed you are! (after determining her exact state of inebriation, that is)

Now, being "that" kid (30 years ago...) I must add that she may not be 'drunk', but may have tasted, or sipped, so smells of alcohol. Not that it's any less of a problem, because she was on school grounds, but...she may not have actually gotten schnockered...

She's old enough for you to have an adult conversation. Explain your disappointment. Ask what she was thinking, why she wanted to participate, etc. Ask what she's accomplished by doing so, so far (I'm assuming that the school will assign some sort of suspension to this, whether it's in or out of school).
Ask her what brought about the idea to try in the first place. Was it with her ‘regular’ group of friends, or with someone else?
When I did it, I was restricted to house for a month, with a bunch of shitwork chores to keep me busy. That was after the mandatory 3 day suspension. And I was SO thankful that my daddy picked me up and not my mother…Mother would have beat me bloody, but daddy just shook his head. His quiet disappointment had much more of an effect on me than my mother’s ranting would have, I have to say!
Good luck! If your kid is like I was…maybe this will be the one and only time she’s in a situation like this. I know I certainly learned my lesson.

Guest - posted on 02/19/2014




It's a tough conversation. What have you told her in the past about alcohol?

My son sees me drinking wine and sometimes a neat Jameson. He knows that alcohol is an adult drink, and that it can be very dangerous to younger people. He also knows, because I've told him, that it affects the way we think and react to the world around us.
I've told him that while drinking can feel good, it is VERY important to remember that it must be done responsibly--never try to drive, never have more than one or two drinks.
I've told him about liver diseases caused by excessive and early alcohol use. I've told him about alcohol poisoning that can cause permanent brain damage and even death.
Don't go straight to punishment. Ask her why she tried the alcohol. Ask her what she already knows about alcohol and what she would like to know about it. If you open this discussion up in a way that lets her ask questions and express her curiosity without fearing punishment, she will not only be more honest now, but she will be more honest in the future about her experimentation with alcohol and drugs (if she ever goes there, hopefully not).
Experimentation and rebellion are both normal parts of adolescence, but they must not go unchecked.
After the conversation, tell her that you are very glad that the conversation took place, and assure her that she can always come to you with questions, but you must put some discipline in place.

Something that has to do with the consequence would be best. Perhaps volunteering with families who have lost loved ones to drunk drivers, alcohol poisoning, or liver disease caused by alcoholism; or volunteering in a setting where she can help those struggling with alcoholism where she can see first hand the damage it can do to a life.

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