My 14 year old daughter is out of control

Nancy - posted on 07/19/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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She smokes weed and cigarettes, drinks, and hangs out with guys that are 17-20. I also think she has 2 tattoos. Her grades are not very good, mostly A's and B+'s, and she spends more time at work (McDonald's) than at home. I'm not sure about this but about 7 months ago I suspect she was raped. Ever since then, she has been much quieter. I try to talk to her but she thinks she can make decisions for herself. Since she was little, she has always done her own thing. I blame myself for that for always being at work ever since she was 1. I'll admit that she's very mature her for age but I also don't trust her judgement. I am so worried for her and I want to be a better mom for her but I don't know how.

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Chaya - posted on 07/23/2012

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If my kid were doing that, I'd literally handcuff her to me or dad, or whichever adults I trust until she can handle ten minutes at a time of freedom, then 15, then 20. If she screws up at 20, it'll be two weeks before she can try for ten again, then 15, etc.
This is one of the advantages of having a large family.
I am legal guardian of an older sister who is like this, I use a leather belt on her. She wasn't allowed to live with me unless I remain her guardian, and she was told up front that disobeying me will get her a leather belt. I have very few problems with her disobeying me.

Sasha - posted on 07/19/2012

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I think it's time to crack the whip if it really is getting that out of control. First off, if you suspect she was raped then you need to rush her to a doctor/hospital. She needs to be examined for pregnancy, STD's and other physical/emotional damage that was done. Secondly, she's only 14, unless she HAS to work to help support the family and household, there is no need for her to have a job. I had a job at 15 but my mother made sure my grades were on point. I think you both need counselling together to talk whatever issues are between you two. You are her mother and you have the control. You can keep her in your house where you can see who, what, where, when and why. If you think she'll run away? Put locks on her windows/doors. I am 22 years old and have my own family started but I am still afraid to ever disrespect my parents. You need to gain the control back before anything happens to your daughter. Being a parent isn't about being their best friend, it's about ensuring they are successful and safe.

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