My 14 year old daughter wants to live with her dad

Kariline - posted on 11/18/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old daughter wants to live with her dad. First let me say that I have always put her needs first and made many sacrifices ( as mothers do) and have always tried to protect her from harm ( as mothers do) I'm empty without her I am a mother who loves being a mom and loves her child. I'm angry, hurt, and feel helpless. And they treat me like a second class citizen which iam not. I dont want to lose her and i dont want her to miss out on the blessings that mothers can be to their children but she is pushing me out of her life. She will call when she needs a ride or clothes or wants to go eat and then after that its back to drop her off at her dads house. Dealing with her self consuming father (who would sell his dying mother to the highest bidder ) is impacting me deeply, of course he provides my daughter the big house, the expensive things and gives her so much reign of the house. Im so tired of the constant Arguments and feeling of being of no importance to My child. Its not okay with me and i dont believe any good parent should constantly turn the cheek the other way to keep the peace. We are human beings and we matter too.It's not right for a Parent to suffer such pain when all we do is focus on what's best for our kids. There is a lot to this story but I will just start here and hope to hear from compassionate and understanding mothers who might be able to help. I appreciate it so much.

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Dee - posted on 07/22/2015

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Hi Lisa W and Karline, I know this is an old post but I'm going through this now with my 15 year old daughter and I'm so heart broken. Can I ask what the status of your situations are now?

Lisa - posted on 11/21/2013

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Hi Karline, I feel your pain, I too am going thru this. My 17 year old daughter and 14 year old son all of a sudden turned on me and decided they wanted to live with their dad. Now my son tells me daily he hates me. My daughter moved out one day while I was at work. My son is slowly moving his items from his room to his dad's house. I'm so tired of the fighting, the drama, how sad and depressed I feel inside. My daughter got mad at me for one thing because I grounded her from ipod, phone, and car due to failing grades in school, she went directly to her dad's house where she has had no consequences for this. I can't even try to work on my daughter's relationship with her because her brother is constantly putting me down and fighting with me when she does come around, which is usually only one hour at a time. Any time I try to bring up subjects that are uncomfortable about her moving out, she just gets up and leaves and there is nothing I can do about it. I got married three years ago and my son does not like my husband, so that is another reason he wants to leave. My kids both treat me like dirt and go around and talk about me to my friends, family, and anyone who will listen. I'm just at a loss of what to do, now I am being taken back to court by the ex for full custody of my kids, we have joint custody. I've cried and cried over the situation, I've grieved over the loss of my daughter and our relationship, we used to have such an open relationship and we could talk easily. I'm so sad when I look into her face and see how she despises me now. My son also, I look at his face and see how he utterly hates me that I haven't let him go to his dad's house yet too. Its so upsetting and I don't know how much more I can take.

Kariline - posted on 11/18/2012

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Dove, thank for your response and for your perspective (as the child) in these types of situations. I appreciate your input and I'm happy to know that you and your mom have reconnected. A mother daughter relationship is a blessing.

Dove - posted on 11/18/2012

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Let her be. Let her know that you will always be there for her if she needs you, but then let her be.



I had practically no relationship with my mom, so when my parents split right before I turned 16... I chose to live with my dad. We still had little to no relationship from the ages of 16-25, but when I became a mom... we started to mend. It's been 11 years since that time and we have a GREAT relationship now. We possibly could have had a better relationship when I was younger, but I felt like she was pushing me and she was overbearing and annoying so I wanted nothing to do with her.



You don't have to let her walk all over you. If she calls you because she wants material possessions.... you don't have to budge, but calling for a ride or to eat with you can be turned into quality time and conversation.



I don't know. Just 'trying' to offer some input from the kid side of things, but since I'm not her I don't have any real idea of what she is thinking or feeling.



I'm sorry. From the mom side of things.... I can't imagine the hurt you are feeling right now. :( ♥

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