My 14 year old has no boundaries, when I tell him to behave or try to punish him he runs to his grans telling tales about how awful I am and they gang up on me - and get labeled the bad cop.

Rachel - posted on 11/15/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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As above, he is now turning into a rude, unpleasant and spoilt person who has no respect for me or anyone else.
I really want him to take responsibility for his action but my attempts to discipline him is not backed up.
If anyone can offer any advise I would be very great full.

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Julia - posted on 11/15/2013

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I have overly involved parents so I know how hard that is. I always try to remember that old saying. There are three sides to every story, my side, their side and the truth. I always keep my long terms character development goals for my son at the forefront but I also try hard to see there side. There are a few things to consider.

1) do you ever become more insistant or dig in your heels just because it has really become a power struggle between you and the grads? Decide what battles are really worth fighting.

2) how much help do you get from the grands? If they are doing a lot then you may consider accepting less help. The more autonomous you are the less their say will matter.

3) step back and evaluate their perspective to figure out where they are coming from. Is there anything they have a point on? Anything worth negotiating or taking a softer approach on?

You wil ultimately need to decide what batted are worth fighting and some things should be just let go. Also if you are not completely independant you will need to become more so if you want to be in a position to make ultimatums if you ever feel it neccisarry.

There will inevitably be people who say just cut them out. Don't let them see your family but at 14 your son doesn't need you to call his grandparents and you want to really want to consider how much you really want to start strife with elderly people.

Decide your discipline methods and stick to them. Use things like cell phones and iPods are good things to take away since that is outside of the grands preview. Don't fight with the grands. Be polite, smile, acknowledge when they make a good point but then do what they want and feel must be done in regard to disapline aka agree and proceed.

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Rachel - posted on 11/17/2013

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Thank you Julia, I really appreciate your response and sorry I took so long to reply-my password wasn't working so I had to reset. I don't rely on them for anything, my son just loves to be there as they have all the video games and tv which he will play on endlessly. He goes there when I ask him to do his home work or is in trouble at school when he needs to be home getting on with what he needs to do. Instead of them supporting me and sending him back they just say that he shouldn't have to do so much home work etc and that I am too strict etc...They are going against me and I need them to stop it. I can't take anything away from him after bad behaviour as they will just give him it to him at their place or ring me and say he is not coming home until he gets what he wants. He is there only grandchild and they want him to have everything whenever he wants it. I am finding being a parent impossible. Now my son is 14 and he doesn't respect me, we end up arguing and its so sad as I love him and feel I have lost him.

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