My 14 year old step son is coming to live with us.

Cassandra - posted on 07/03/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




My husband and I have been married for a year but together for 4. Every summer we have his two children ages 14 and 13 come stay with us and then we go and visit them every winter. I have two children ager 9 and 8. This summer we got a call from my step sons mother saying she doesn't want him coming back home. Apparently she cant handle him. He is a good kid, although has been exposed to certain things and been in trouble a couple times. The first week he was here I caught him with an e-cigarette and chew, both were brought with him from his moms. We instantly had a talk with him about it and threw everything away. Then I find a condom in his shorts while doing laundry... he is 14!! I found out he isn't a virgin. His way of living at his moms is so different than the way I raise my children. His internet and phone is not monitored, which I believe should be, he was allowed to stay the night at his girl friends house, and his 14 year old cousin/best friend got a girl pregnant where he is from. I am nervous that with him being here, he going to become a bad influence on my children. I know him living with us is the best thing for him and I want him here, I just need some pointers on how to make this transition easier on everyone. Im kind of being thrown into the "teen parenting" stage rather than gradually learning about it. Any help would be appreciated. (:


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Ev - posted on 07/04/2014




Anne Blakely Rose--I do not understand how you can say that you understand what this step mom/mom is going through. You are fourteen. Although you have some good ideas, there are some other issues here besides his actions. And this is a mom's site.

To Cassandra:

I have not had to deal with those issues much with my kids but I can understand how hard it is to be tossed into something you have not had time to get used to. You do need to sit with the boy and his father and have a long talk about his actions and why he felt he had to do them. You both need to set up a set of rules for him to follow in your home, moniter his phone and internet, set up consequences for his actions when he goes against those rules. You must also let him know that he is going to be an example for your own two children and that they might think its okay to do what he does and you do not want that kind of behavior. You all might check into therapists to talk to and work through this. Its hard to go from part time visits to full time living in the home like this. I hope this helped.

Anna Blakely Rose - posted on 07/03/2014




Well, I'm a teenager and I have a cousin, Dawne, who is thirteen, almost fourteen, so I understand what you are going through. First of all, I would let him earn your trust. Don't go all psycho on him before you know what he has been through and how trustworthy he is. If he does another thing that might prove him distrustful, maybe take away his phone or computer or don't let him go hang out with his friends for a week.

And, don't be too pushy on him, he has just moved away from his long term home and probably misses his friends and old school. Maybe, if he wants to and you are okay with it, let him throw a party and invite some people from school, he can meet people and it would be fun.

For your children, he probably won't want to spend a bunch of time with them (what fourteen year old boy wants to hang out with 8-9 year olds?) Also, don't go through his things without asking, he will definitely get mad at you and definitely won't like that. Good luck :)

~Anna Blakely Rose

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