My 14 yo daughter telling lies got herself in trouble

Carla - posted on 02/13/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I found out my 14 year old daughter has been telling lies to her boyfriend. She lies about herself and me. She told him I mentally abused her and her life at home is horrible. He called a hotline, and I ended up being investigated by child protective services. The case was thrown out because it was obviously not true. At first we didn't know where the report came from, but because of other things that happened afterwards, we found out it started from my daughter. She denied any knowledge about it. She also told her bf that she cuts herself and that she was thinking of hurting herself. The police showed up at our door at 10:30 at night to do a well-being check on her. Again she acted like she didn't know why anyone would think that. Of course she had no marks on her. Finally she was called down to the office at school because her bf reported that she said she was raped at school. She denied it and would not cooperate whatsoever with the police. She eventually wrote a statement that she would prosecute for the rape. The whole thing was investigated and proved false. She has subsequently been arrested for filing a false report.

I can't for the life of me figure out why on earth she would say these things. I guess it's for the benefit of the bf (who is her age and seems to be a very nice boy). She met him in middle school so he doesn't have a history with her from her younger days. She would never be able to pull this off with anyone who has known her very long because they would know she was lying about me for sure. I am the opposite of an abusive parent. I have loved on her since she was born; gone to every game, field trips, raised butterflies every year, let her play in the rain. Besides feeling very hurt that she would say these horrible things about me, I am worried she won't stop even though she is in serious trouble for lying. If anyone had told me 6 months ago that we would be going through this, I would have called them nuts. She had never done anything like this before; never been in any trouble, always followed the rules and genuinely seemed happy and content. I'm not sure what to do. I went to a counselor because I was having trouble sleeping due to all this, and he started seeing her also. It didn't get anywhere because she will not talk about it to anyone. Now I worry when the phone rings during school hours because I'm afraid she may be in trouble again. I wish I could just make the last few months disappear and go back to the simple life we had. I want her to stop telling lies; I don't trust her anymore, and that makes me very sad.

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Onetraeh - posted on 02/17/2015

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best case scenario would be tht she wants attention.maybe she doesn't feel cool enough or pretty enough;maybe she's having problems @ school with her peers or bullies tht she hasn't told you about.which would maybe cause her to want positive attention?like people feeling sorry for her being abused @ home or raped.worst case scenario would be a possible mental illness but I don't think so since you said she's not cutting herself (thank goodness) or things like tht.14 is a tough age for girls;I'm sure she's under an enormous amount of pressure & body image might be a factor too.maybe it's a teenage phase!u said she's always followed the rules but I hope there's not too many rules (or too little) because sometimes it can have sort of the opposite effect.just think @ school she's probably turning down offers to do drugs,to smoke cigarettes,have sex with boys & on top of all tht she has to get good grades & look like kim kardashian or some such.it's awful tht child protective services was called on a good mother :( I hope it's just a short phase & it'll be over.maybe you could take a trip together!& she would confide in you a little.bestest of luck

Dove - posted on 02/14/2015

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Don't stop having her see the counselor just because she isn't talking. It can take time for her to be comfortable enough to open up (and maybe a little 'counselor shopping' to find someone that 'clicks' w/ her). She is desperately crying out for help for SOME reason... and I hope you can get to the bottom of it soon. ♥

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Dove - posted on 02/16/2015

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She is more than old enough to speak for herself in counseling, but... if she is prone to lying then you should probably let the counselor know that much and what you are concerned about.

Carla - posted on 02/16/2015

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I'm in the process of finding a counselor. She was seeing a male counselor at first because that's who I started seeing, and he wanted to see her. But I think she will do better with a female.

The thing I am uncertain about is how much I should tell the counselor first. I know if I don't tell at least the basics, the counselor won't get anywhere because either my daughter won't say anything, or she will make up a story like has been doing. I don't want the counselor acting on false information.

But I also want my daughter to be able to trust the counselor. I am leaning toward telling the counselor though due to the age of my daughter. If she was not so young, I would just let them work it out, but I don't want this going any further than it already has.

Any opinions out there?

Dove - posted on 02/14/2015

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Did you ask her doctor for recommendations? Sometimes they can be a good resource to find someone. Yeah... it took me several months to find a counselor for my son that took our insurance. Thankfully she was a lady I already knew too, but when I was looking on our insurance's own website... half the counselors weren't even in business anymore! @@

Don't give up. ♥

Carla - posted on 02/14/2015

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Dove, it is so hard to find the right counselor (that will take insurance). I would like to find one through word of mouth because that's the best way to find someone who has been helpful, but I don't want to tell everyone what we're going through.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/14/2015

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I am so sorry this is all happening. She sounds like a teen that is trying to get any sort of attention, and she is clearly seeking negative attention. Have you had her see a therapist yet? It seems there is more going on with her that you may not know about. Getting her to a therapist to uncover her issues is going to probably be your best chance of getting her mentally healthy.

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