My 14 yr old daughter doesnt want to do much around the house.

Hazel - posted on 02/28/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




I have a 14 yr old. Always depressed and not wanting to do much unless is what she wants. When I ask her to help around the house, I always get attiftudes from her. I dont want us to always argue, but I think she is using this to control me I think....


Kaitlin - posted on 02/28/2012




I don't know you or your daughter, but aren't all 14 year old girls like that? lol. Bottom line: you're the parent. You can't control her actions but you can give her consequences. She can choose to give you tude, do her chores, argue with you, etc, but she needs to accept the consequences.

Good parenting is all about discipline and love and the balance of the two, in my opinion. Discipline is a must. But so is fun stuff. Take her to the movies one day, for no reason. Or for a mom daughter date, even if she says it's lame. She'll thank you later. Don't give up, my mom and I were grouchy with each other all the time, but she was good mom, and I am better off for her choices and have really learned to appreciate her (even though she sometimes drives me bananas) ;)

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2012




Last time my son tried that, dinner didn't miraculously appear for him, and he had no clean clothes. Bummer, mum decided not to pitch in and help too. That fixed it. He was much more keen to help out after that, and I never get any argument from him when I ask him to do something. We have an understanding in this house that if you want others to do things for you, you need to pitch in as well.

IF this happens to be genuine depression, then she needs to talk to someone, but if this is just her way of manipulating you, don't put up with it.


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Sherri - posted on 03/01/2012




Sounds like a totally normal teen to me. I have a 14yr & 13yr old teens and it usually goes the same way. Even though they know if they don't get there stuff done, punishments will be laid down.

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most important is to have clear rules and clear consequences for following or breaking the rules. So, daily rules, like no talking back, or making the bed, might be rewarded with praise, but noncompliance receives 1 hour of loss of a privilege - no TV or computer or phone. Chores should be clearly listed - dishes, laundry folding, putting away groceries, walking and feeding a pet - and consequences applied - earn allowance or a fave dessert or a movie vs. lose something she wants. Big deals like lying, hitting, breaking stuff, stealing have immediate longer term consequences - 1 week no electronics or screen time, grounded from phone or facebook, etc. Rewards can include things she really wants - time with friends, a movie date, going to the mall, etc etc.

good luck!!

Dottie - posted on 03/01/2012




Welcome to the teen years!! Although you can make sure she does her chores and helps around the house, you cannot control her moods or their swinging doors...LOL Having had 2 girls that went through this I can honestly tell you, this too shall pass. It just takes an awful lot of patience to live through it. Good luck.

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