My 15 month old daughter has temper tantrums till the point that she will hit her forehead on the floor what should I do?

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[deleted account]

Kylie, you are assuming that I never took the time to explain to my daughter why I was saying no to her or why she couldn't have what she wanted. I always explained things "at her level" and then if she wasn't satisfied she would still get angry with me, get down on all fours and hit her head on the floor. Yes, I can be a hard woman, I admit it, but I am not going to pander (yes, pander) to a little girl who thinks that hurting herself is going get her what ever she wants. She learned, because my actions (or lack of) showed her that her behaviour had no benefit to her.
Yaima asked for a bit of insight to what she should do about her daughter's behaviour and I gave her an example of what I did, it worked for me. Not all kids do the head banging thing so you should probably not assume that it is your skills that prevented your kids from doing it, and please don't assume that it was my parenting skills that caused my daughter to do it. My daughter is almost 9 now and she certainly does not feel unheard and is fairly secure in her knowledge that her father and I love her very much.
And if it sounds like I am a bit upset, then by golly I am! You hurt my feelings :-(

Kylie - posted on 10/20/2011

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I totally get kids need to vent frustrations and be allowed to feel their emotions. But there needs to be a line, especially at such a young age, they dont need to go into melt down mode to feel.

Yaima, perhaps what you call tantrums i call crying, because 5 months olds do not have tantrums. My first child was a high needs baby (who never want to be put down or held by anyone but me) and i've been a stay at home mum for years so i get you. My daughter hated shopping trolleys too, she would scream if i put her in there, i would take toys and food to keep her entertained but it didn't distract her for long. I ended up wearing her or letting her toddle along next to the trolley which solved our trolley tantrum problem. Also you cant distract them once they get to the point screaming, it's a preventative action not a corrective one. Good luck. ♥

Kellie - posted on 10/20/2011

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Lol I don't know about Yaima but it has nothing to so with letting them get so distraught they bang their heads. My daughter does it as a part of her tantrum, as in I've just taken something off of her she shouldn't have.

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Kellie - posted on 10/20/2011

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I absolutely do listen to my daughter, and tell her no, please don't do that you will hurt yourself and I took that away because xyz and redirect her (sometimes, but more often than not). I have worked out when she is prone to the headbanging and do my best to prevent it. But thankyou for assuming I don't.

I also think that children are entitled to vent their frustrations/anger etc and redirecting them all the time is doing them a disservice and sending the message that they are a) not entitled to feel that way and b) it's teaching them to suppress their negative emotions rather than teaching/finding a way for them to express their emotions in a healthy manner.

At 11 months this is tricky to do, because while she is smart (as all children are) and can understand a lot children have poor impulse control and are all about instant gratification. My daughters headbanging has reduced and she will out grow it, but in the meantime she has to find her limits.

Yaima - posted on 10/20/2011

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Kylie, I am sure that may have worked for your kids remember different kids different behavior and my daughter has been given me this temper tantrums since she was 5 months old where I could not leave her sight for one secound. I am a stay at home mom so I am with her all the time and my husband works out of town so he will be gone for a period of 24 days the longest. I have tired to listen and talk to her. The last thing she is doing is she will unstrap herself from the shopping cart by standing up so she is smart. I tell her no and the reason why she can not do it but I'm sure she is not listening with the screaming and yelling and she yells loud lol..Thank you for your advice.

Kylie - posted on 10/20/2011

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Well my children didn't have head banging melt downs at that age because i helped them to feel like they were being heard. If they wanted something they couldn't have, after explaining why on their level and letting them know i understood why they were upset, i changed the scenery and helped them focus on something else. If you want to stop the head banging, prevention works. If a 15 month old is that frustrated, they need support, not to be ignored. I "pandered' my kids with no detrimental effects. They are now 3 and 7. My POV is how would you feel if you were upset or angry and unsure of how to express yourself and everyone just ignored you? What message is that sending

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[deleted account]

That's right Kellie, it's just a way they vent frustration but if it is pandered to, then the child learns that it's a good way to get the desired attention. My daughter wasn't too distraught when she'd do it, but by golly it hurt her head and she soon realised that head banging was not a good thing to do.

Kylie - posted on 10/20/2011

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dont ignore her, be there to support her and try to intervene before the tantrum gets out of control. Hold her and divert her attention. shes just a baby, allowing her to get so distraught she starts banging her heads is not good for anyone.

Yaima - posted on 10/19/2011

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That is exactly what I am trying to do is ignore her but it's hard because I don't want her with any red marks on her face. I guess letting her do this at the end she will know that will not get her anywhere.

[deleted account]

It's normal. My daughter used to do it. I just let her go ahead and do it, I didn't comfort her when she hurt her head (call me hard, but she did it to herself) and she soon learned that the head banging got her no-where.

Kellie - posted on 10/18/2011

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That's a bit of a relief Katherine, tbh it did worry me a little but I assumed it was something she will grow out of. She's actually left a little bruise on her fore head doing it!

Here's hoping she grows out of it by 2 LOL!

Katherine - posted on 10/18/2011

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I read about this and apparently it's "normal" behavior. What I would do is put my feet under her head so she can't bang her head on the floor.

Kellie - posted on 10/18/2011

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I'd take some pointers on this too, my 11 month old does this too! I say her name firmly to get her attention and tell her no, don't do that. Other than that, unsure there's much I can do about it.

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