My 15 y/o daughters best friend stayed the weekend at our home. I rarely have any beer/wine/liquor at our house as I don't drink. There were four small bottles of beer left from an adult family part we had in August. My daughter hates beer-doesn't like the taste. On Sunday when her friend left I went to the fridge to get lunch ready and the bottles were gone. When i asked my daughter what happened to the Corona, she knew nothing of it. Turns out after much probing, that her friend had taken the beers. I told my teen that I was going to have to tell her mother what had happened. She had a huge reaction to this, said she'd run away from home, didn't want to loose her best friend. I had no choice, I knew I'd want to know if she was doing something dangerous and would be extremely upset if another parent knew something had happened and didn't tell me. I phoned her mom, explained that I didn't want to get her kid in hot water, just wanted her to know what had happened. She seemed to take the news calmly and promised to call me back when after she talked to her daughter. My daughter is still upset with me, refuses to talk to me and is sure she has lost her best friend. Should I have handled this differently, how?
Barbara - posted on 10/17/2012
Thanks for the feedback. My daughter has made a few poor choices, but not related to drinking or drugs or boys,mostly just teenage stuff about homework. We did have a conversation about underage drinking, drugs, sex - we ran the gamut when things calmed down. Knowing my daughter as I do, and having feedback from other adults who know her well, she is the one kid who will try to talk her friends OUT of doing negative things like drug and underage drinking. When they give her a hard time about being a 'goody two shoes' she tells them she has a future and doesn't want to end up in the emergency room - or the morgue because of their risky behavior. The mom that I spoke to was grateful that I had informed her about what happened, promised me she would give me an update in a day or two and assured me that her daughter would be allowed to return to our home 'anytime, because I know you've got a handle on things.' May not have changed things, but it did help me feel a little better about blowing the whistle.
Dove - posted on 10/16/2012
You definitely did the right thing. I'm sure your daughter will be upset if she loses her best friend, but now would be a good time to talk about the fact that if she is spending time with someone who is making bad choices... SHE may be seen as also making bad choices.
Her friend stole from her mom AND was underage drinking...
At 15 she may or may not understand what the big deal is about both those things, but it's worth a conversation.
Denikka - posted on 10/16/2012
Nope, I think you did exactly the right thing. Your daughter is worried because she admitted it to you. She's the *tattle tale* in this situation.
There's not a whole lot you can do. Maybe sit your daughter down calmly and explain why you had to tell her friends mother. I can just about guarantee that right now, she doesn't see what the big deal is. It was *just* a couple of beers.
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