my 15 yr & 14yr old came home intoxicated by alchol

[deleted account] ( 27 moms have responded )

my sons went out to meet friends when they came home about 3 or so hours they where intoxicated my 14 yr old was not too bad but my 15yr old was out of it. It made me sad to think they went and done that . I spoke to them both my eldest already knew what i was going to say to him. how would other parents handle this situation

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[deleted account]

I think they are focusing on 21 year old being grounded because that is down right outrageous. I was starting my family when i was 21! Its great that he is doing well now...but treating him like a child when he was a full grown man didn't help any...

[deleted account]

21 isn't a child. Granted a 21 year old should have respect for his parents, but grounding them like they are still a child? Wow. Cut the cord already.

[deleted account]

And I have to add.... if you 'had' to ground him at TWENTY-ONE..... Yeah, um.... I expect my kids to have enough respect for me LONG before they get that old.... since they already have it at 9.

[deleted account]

Grounding at 21 because he didnt call you... seems a little weird and controlling to me. Sorry. I think you can teach and instill values without following them everywhere and humilliating them, but thats just me. Ill tell you though if that had been me and parents did that... there would have been more problems from me. But luckly my parents gave me a bit of freedom to make my own mistakes and learn from them.

As for the "failing dress code" I dressed like the kids that were failing but I wasnt failing so I dont think there is too much merrit to that. My son has a dress code at the school he goes to, if the school doesnt have a strict dress code, he goes to a school that does. School is just a fashion statment anymore, and yes it is permitted by the parents not just clothing companies. So again, no dress code, find another school.

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[deleted account]

Nope... didn't miss that part. Still think it's ludicrous, but whatever.... it's not my family, so I really don't care.

Suze - posted on 08/30/2011

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As dad wisely said: Do not judge another until you've walked a mile in his moccasins.

I don't deal with HS antics.

[deleted account]

I couldnt imagine trying to ground my child at 21....

My dad tried grounding me at 18 and that didnt work, not because I didnt have respect for him or my mother, I certainly did. But because I was working a full time job at that point. By 21 I had already been moved out, gave birth to my first child and was still nursing on my 21 birthday. I would have laughed at my parents for trying to ground me at 21, having respect or not.

Suze - posted on 08/30/2011

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Outrageious? Again - you weren' tthere, were you? You have NO idea what was going on or why things were happening as they did, do you? No child is the same. Do I recommend grounding ALL 21 y o? No....BUT, when you're dealing with a 21 y o who is still operating as a kid - you need to get their attention - which I did. And I can you today, he NEVER has gone out and stayed out longer without letting his wife know - and if he did, he'd be MORE than grounded...he'd be DIVORCED, as she wouldn't put up with it in her marriage.

Why you people want to jump on a bandwagon without knowing ALL the facts nor WHERE the wagon is going at the time is beyond me....

Suze - posted on 08/30/2011

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Apparently you don't finish reading a post before posting, Teresa...my SON now HAS kids! Hello???? He's nearly 40! And doing VERY well...apparently you missed THAT part as well.

Suze - posted on 08/30/2011

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Brandi - I didn't come up with this idea all by myself. It was with the help of my son's guidance counselor and he was in 7th grade. After that, never had to do it again. He just knew I meant what I said. Plus, I was up all night on a rainy night with him ignoring the phone - worrying he was in a wreck. Control? You bet....I will NOT have anyone being rude and thoughtless living in the confines of MY house. He didn't pay for it, yet he wanted the blessing of living there. If it had been too bad, he'd have moved out sooner. He didn't, did he? PLUS, all their friends LOVED being at our house - they thought I was the best mom in the world and wished their moms were like me.

And there's a HUGE difference between dressing like losers AND failing, than dressing like losers, but NOT failing in school. That's another difference.

I was NOT my kdis' friend and made that VERY clear. I was their mother - and they needed guidance through the dangers of growing up. Unlike in my day, there are more drugs, more temptations - more a lot of things.

Since you weren't living in my household dealing with what I and my kids had to deal with, you really don't know what you're talking about here. Further, I was answering someone else's question - NOT asking for anyone's advice. My kids are raised and doing very well. They are now busy raising their own kids - and realizing there are simply things you need to do to make sure they make it to adulthood as best you can. If you think I was tough, you should meet my kids. And BTW, my grandkids are respectful, all A students in advanced grades AND have dress codes for school. They're not allowed to wear torn clothing or black tshirts or dirty shoes to school.

There are a LOT of outside sources pulling and drawing in kids. There MUST be choices made and consequences given to guide kids along the right path. If that means going to school with a very stubborn kid that nothing else works with - then I'll go to school every single day to make sure they get and then stay on the right path.

BTW, for your info - my son called just to say Thank you once he was serving in the Air Force. He was making better choices than the 'kids' he was serving with. We're talking a 21 y old referring to those 19 y olds as very immature.

Nuff said....

Suze - posted on 08/30/2011

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Konnie - you asked how I managed to ground my 21 year old son - it was easy. My kids KNEW when I was meaning business. I wasn't the least bit opposed to show up where they didn't want me to and then follow them around like a stalker. You don't have to hit a kid - just JOIN them when they're somewhere with their friends and then 'hang out' with them. When my son was messing around at school, I went to school WITH him - even riding the bus and walking him right up to the bathroom door. Other kids kept asking why I was there and I could see my son just cringing. Before the end of the day, he asked me, 'Mom, if I promise to bring up my grades, will you STOP coming to school with me?' Sure - unless that promise wasn't kept. But I never had to go to school again, as the failing kid became a studious B student.

Another thing, parents = watch to see how your kids are dressed. There's a 'dress code' among kids who are failing. Change the code and you change the friends you kid has around him/her. My son had to go to school - not in anything HE picked - but in nice slacks, polo shirts with shoes spit and polished - yes, even plain old sneakers. (Clean them with Nozema)

I told the kids they were born into slavery until they were out on their own, making their own way AND I owned the very air they breathed. Yup, I was a tough parent - in a single family household. BUT they are both well adjusted adults, both went to college and both have very good jobs. And boy! If I thought I was strict....LOL!

Jodi - posted on 08/30/2011

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Oh, Emma, so did I, but that's part of being a parent, admitting to being a hypocrite and being totally ok with that :P

Stifler's - posted on 08/30/2011

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I would feel like a hypocrite saying anything, I did these sorts of things as a kid. But I would probably still take them to see someone with liver cirrhosis/alcohol related dementia etc. and show them exactly what a lifetime of binge drinking will do.

Jodi - posted on 08/30/2011

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Maryann, you were lenient, letting them go back out with their friends, just minus the money.......there's no way my son would be permitted to do this so soon after the incident, I'd have grounded him for a bit, LOL. Would give him some extra time to REALLY reflect on how that lack of trust is affecting him.

Konni - posted on 08/30/2011

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& to add "kids don't have brains to begin with" Speak on behalf of your own children, but don't generalise like that, I have a 4 & 5 year old that were born with brains, still have brains & I'll take a guess that they will continue to have brains as they grow up!! I can guarantee you a 14 or 15 old has brains, they aren't just little kids we can 'supervise until the cows come home' and control their EVERY action because we are their parents!!

Sheree - posted on 08/30/2011

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This may sound bad but I think it works, I'm 19 and I use to sneak out n drink all the time when I was about 16 my mum n dad started letting me have drinks at home at least they knew where I was and that I was safe, I'm not saying underage drinking is great but at least try n met them half way cause there is no way your gunna be able to stop them or keep them away from it...

Konni - posted on 08/30/2011

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It's really not hard to get your hands on alcohol when your underage! I remember hanging around the front of bottle shops & just asking random people as they walked past. I think aslong as you talk to them & let them know you are disapointed and they have betrayed your trust, you've done the right thing. When I was growing up I was never worried about getting into trouble, I was always worried about disapointing my parents because they were so proud of me. That always got me when I was trying to make a decision!

@ Suze - How did you manage to ground your 21 year old son?

[deleted account]

the alchol was provided by one of their mates who is also 15 but he got it off a mate who is 20 not a very good family so dont really want to make matters worse, my boys know that they have made my trust in them nil now. so i am hoping that they have learned from this but i guess i will always be wondering.

Suze - posted on 08/29/2011

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Just WHO provided them with alcohol???? That is the FIRST thing I'd want to know and I'd be shutting down their source so fast, their heads would utterly spin! Then they'd be grounded for so long - cleaning the danged furnace with a TOOTHBRUSH in the MIDDLE OF TH NIGHT, for example - that they'd be graduating from college before they were done with either the grounding OR the cleaning! Kids that young have no business drinking - and need to be supervised until the cows come home! You can't afford for this to happen again - kids get stupid when they drink - so do adults, but kids don't have brains to begin with. Add alcohol and it's a disaster waiting to happen. There'd be nothing normal about my voice, either...I can tell you that. My son was grounded when he was 21 for NOT calling me to let me know he'd changed his plans. The issue wasn't that he changed his plans for the night - the issue was he didn't have the courtesy to call....when deal breakers were broken, all bets were off!

[deleted account]

and yes i told him it would take me a long time to be able to trust them again so now when they go down the street to meet their mates they get no money and that hurts them because before this they where meeting up just to socialise and drink soft drink and eat hot chips so now they missing out but i am pleased that they where open and upfront with me and that we can talk about these things as a family.

[deleted account]

thanks for the advice ladies i have told them everyting that each and everyone of you had said about the trust and yes about going to extreme sam and having your stomach pump. i think i have gotten through especially the eldest the youngest only done it because his older brother and his friends were doing it. my eldest was talking to me again this morning think it will be a long time before he does it again. by the way he has a terribly sore throat from drinking bundy straight.

Sam - posted on 08/28/2011

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Talk to them in a normal way ask them why they felt like they needed to get drunk, maybe they felt pressured and maybe they just felt like trying out drinking and they went over their limit. I had to get my stomach pumped when I was 14 because I got alcohol poisoning and at first when my mom tried to talk to me about it she did the whole thing on how I lost her trust and how disappointed in me she was and it did no good at all. It wasn't until we sat down and just talked normally that it made any difference.

Kate CP - posted on 08/28/2011

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Pretty much everything Jodi said. I would make it clear that they had lost my trust and they were going to have to earn it back...and that would take a VERY long time.

Jodi - posted on 08/27/2011

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Well, they wouldn't be meeting with friends again for an awfully long time, I tell you. I would also be talking to the parents of these friends and letting them know the situation, as well as getting to the bottom of where they are getting the alcohol from, so I could also address the source.

Honestly, if my 14 year old did this he would be SO grounded. I would be telling him how extremely disappointed I am, how I had trusted him, and look at how he treated that trust. It would take a very long time for him to gain my trust back, he would have to prove himself all over again.

[deleted account]

None of my kids are at that age yet but I would like to think that I would stay as calm as possible and let them know just how upset and disappointed I am in them. And I would let them know like I do now how bad it is... there are no pros to drinking, Id make sure to let them know the affects of it... long and short term affects.

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