my 15yr old Daughter has told me she is 9wk pregnant

Terrie - posted on 07/30/2013 ( 30 moms have responded )

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My daughter told me she is pregnant yesterday, she is 15 and is 9wk gone, I had no idea she was sexualy active whitch has made me feel so stupid, we have always been so close, I love her unconditionally and she knows it, she never wants for anything I tell her everyday I love her, I feel now I failed her. She says she wants to keep it, I will stand by her no matter wot but I feel like my heart has been torn out, I know she is scared but she now seems excited I really don't think she understands at all. She thinks because she has changed nappies and babysat she knows wot to do. She wants to study media and photography and become a model. The farther, says they are just friends and she is not in a relationship which makes me even more mad, she has had sex only 3 times with him and no other. He is 17 and I want to kill him. I can't even talk about her having a baby yet, but she and other people do. It my me sick. I just don't know how I can cope, I know I will and my love will always grow for it, I feel so diapointed in her and myself, I feel like such a bloody fool.

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Cassie - posted on 08/05/2013

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Is there a teen mother program near you? If so, take her to talk to the girls there. They will give her a new perspective about it. If she keeps the baby go after child support! Don't let this kid off.

DuSharme - posted on 08/02/2013

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first of all express how u feel with out anger, that makes them run. i was a fifteen year old pregnant mom. then go to be alone and cry. wait a day or two. then ask ur daughter what her plans her. if she has none, offer suggestions ur a grandma soon. look her in the eye and tell her u love her, and u will always have her back til ur last breath. give her time to reply then work together on moving ahead. drop the negative attitude its clouding ur judgement. a new life i taking shape,sharpen up on ur grandma skills. then write down advice for ur daughter ,make a scrap book for ur future grand,. she needs u more than ever, and this is ur moment t show that u can step back on track and keep on living life to it fullest.

Cindy - posted on 07/31/2013

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First I commend you for loving your daughter no matter what. don't call the cops on that young man, sex is not something out of this world, sex is not something that is new to anything. Sex is something that happens normally but some people are just not ready for it.
I went through the same thing you're going through now. It's not just the guys fault these days, it's both of their faults.
We parents need to stop thinking we have failed our children or did something wrong for them to have done that. It's something that the kids do thinking it's going to be fun raising a little one being the kid themselves until they have the baby and realize how hard it is then they come to understand.
You just got to keep going day by day in life keep the same melody as nothing has happened. When the baby comes you help her for the first 40 days after that you let her raise her baby as if she was a grown woman so she won't want this the second time around.
Blessings

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Noreen - posted on 08/04/2013

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Welcome new grandma!
Teenager pregnancy is common in our society.
You don't need to be hazzle of asking your teenager daughter whose the father of the baby. Your daughter, she is only 15 yrs old and under age. It is your responsibility to adapt your grandchild and to help your daughter giving birth.
You need to have a baby shower.

Jenna Paige - posted on 08/04/2013

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Try not to freak out just stay calm and say you did this to me get a little mad and take charge and find the guy she made out with and smack his jaw she is 1st of all to young and kiddie

Lizzyvjohn - posted on 08/04/2013

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DON'T ABORT HER .LEt her to deliver the baby.God is planning everything.

Kimberly - posted on 08/03/2013

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My daughter got pregnant at 16 & Abigail was born when she was 17. I was very upset at first. I wasn't mad at her but worried she was losing an important time in her life. She was on BC & pregnant by the only boy she'd had sex with. Support her in everything. She can still achieve her goals!! That baby will be such a blessing in your life! Abigail will be 2 on Dec 23th. She's the best Christmas present I've ever gotten. I had a baby last summer, unplanned of course, but now we have 2 silly baby girls that will grow up like sisters!

Rebecca - posted on 08/03/2013

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I feel for you this must be so hard. Give yourself time, this baby has been planned by God and He has a good plan for his/her life. You will come to love this child more than you can imagine.

Chet - posted on 08/02/2013

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I agree that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. This is not your fault. It's something that happens. You just need to stand by your daughter and be a support for her. It's a baby not a death sentence or a terminal disease. Lots of people don't follow the usual path in life and it makes them stronger, smarter, better people in the long run. I know plenty of moms in their thirties and forties who had a baby in their teens and they're fine. They have careers and wonderful families and they're happy.

DuSharme - posted on 08/02/2013

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yes giving u support helps me too, then u can support ur daughter better and make wise choices.

Terrie - posted on 08/02/2013

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Thank you Ida, thank you everyone that has shown us support on my post, it gives me strength every time I read a reply. Thank you all xx

Ida - posted on 08/02/2013

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Don't be so hard on yourself. This was her decision not yours. I know ultimately you will probably do most of the raising so your daughter can continue in school but she needs to beheld responsible for her actions. My sister was pregnant at 15 and my mom made her do everything and go to school and get a job. She was a kid with a kid. My mom and the other grandmother did her a favor of watching the baby when they could but not always. It taught her to be responsible. We have all been there for her at one point or another but this is her life and her child's life now. All I could do in a situation like yours is provide support, she will need it. She thinks its all a fairytale now but wait until that baby is born. Don't judge yourself for a decision she made.

Brittany M. - posted on 08/01/2013

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I was pregnant at a young age and all you can do is support support support! Because my parents where there me for I regret nothing yeah we struggled at first but hey doesn't every parent its a baby! Good luck and congrats.

Heart09 - posted on 08/01/2013

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Don't feel like a fool! There are parents that don't educate there children and they should probably feel like a fool. It's seems you have a good relationship with your daughter. I'm only guessing that when you spoke to her about the pill she didn't tell you then because she didn't want to disappoint you or simply didn't know how to. Sometimes no matter what you say kids are determined to do what they want. These are teens and there hormones are out of control. Some kids can control it and some don't want to. i Agree with some of the others, help her but not too much to the point where your doing everything and you end up being mom to the baby. She is gonna have to be responsible. If you don't teach her that she may end up with a second child. Be firm but supportive. Have you spoken to this boys parents? I hope they make him be a responsible young man. These males always get off easy. It took 2 and it should take 2 to raise this child. Even if there not going to be together. Once again don't blame yourself, it won't solve anything anyway. Live in the now and where do we go from here. Btw I got pregnant when I was 14 and my mom was not supportive. In fact she called me every name in the book and compared me to one of my friends who was good and smart and didn't go and get herself pregnant. I was a good kid to be honest AND to even be more honest I fell in love with the thought of having a baby because I didn't feel loved at home. I wanted someone to love that I knew would love me too. It wasn't wise but I was a teen, a child, a lost soul. Sadly she made me abort. That messed my mind for a long time because it was a late abortion. Saline injection which means I got to see him come out. I hated my mother for that.
I with Gods help have been able to forgive her but it wasn't easy. When I became an adult and on my own I tried to get pregnant and it took six years before it happen. I told her about how I felt and she apologized. We've moved on and I forgive.
I wish the best for you and your daughter.

Lisa - posted on 08/01/2013

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Having a girl is work a child is wrk specially teens. Dont turnur back on her. Give ger option she has alot of live to life to live good luch im a mother 35 yrs old good luck ;)

Terrie - posted on 08/01/2013

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You know shawn, its easy to judge the parents, and. Yes at 11 my daughter was always home by 7pm no matter wot infact she never left the street unless I could see her. Schools show videos now at year 9 and 10 off sex I think its wrong coz it gives kids the wrong impresion, they are so inocent that they think being shown these images makes it ok as long as they use a condom, they don't realise size matters and they can split and weather your on top or undernieth or on the pill you can still have a baby and uts not safe or ok to have sex untill your ready and ols enough to understand x

Danae - posted on 08/01/2013

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Yes, while I agree she is very young to be a mother, there are worse things she could have been doing. My mother raised me with this same thinking. She never encouraged us to go and get pregnant while so young, but I always knew, if something were to happen I'd have a safe and loving place to go. Your daughter needs support. She needs you to be there every step of the way. Have her talk to other mothers you know, preferably ones with small children or even babies. Have her shadow them and get really hands-on with caring for the baby/child. Practicing isn't a bad idea. But really try to hit home with her how big of a responsibility this is, but always reassure her that you are there for her.
You did not make any mistake. Teenagers will find a way to do something if they want to. Some make mistakes, but never let her think/believe that this baby is a MISTAKE.
As for the father, I think you need to have him own up to what he's helped create. He'll owe child support whether he likes it or not. He also needs to get it through his head what he's helped to bring into this world. They're probably both scared. Him more than your daughter, and being that HE doesn't have to carry the baby, he thinks he has an out. Speak to his parents, get him involved. If he denies it's his, as soon as the baby is born, have a paternity test done.
I hope I've helped soothe over some feelings/fears. Good luck! and Congratulations, Grandma!!!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/01/2013

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And where were the 11 yo's parents? Who allowed the child to be left in a situation where she would be enticed into sex?

Andrea - posted on 08/01/2013

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ok i have 2 daugters wow i have this coming soon i cant imagine how you must be feeling but my advice to you is when your dear grandbaby arrives as much as you would want to ffed and change diapers just take a sit back and let her di it all then she may realise how hard work it is and not make the same mistake again :)

Terrie - posted on 08/01/2013

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Oh dear god, Bless you and her,my heart goes out to you, she is far too young to understand, I know its hard love but be strong for all your Family and listen to her, try to understand that its not your fault, I have had lots of support on here and I'm sure you will too. You know, there is always someone somewhere worse off than you are. I hope you and your Daughter can get through this, love and best wishes to you and your family. If you ever want a chat I will try my best to listen x God bless

Terrie - posted on 08/01/2013

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Thank you for your kind words and support, I will stand by her all the way,I have no intentions of calling the cops, I am angry with them both but I will never stop loving my Daughter no matter wot she does or has done. Xx

Terrie - posted on 07/31/2013

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Thank you hun, it is here to, but I have to try and support her, not turn against her. She will realise. Xx

Kenya - posted on 07/31/2013

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Not sure what state you're in; 15 may be underage. It is in this state (Georgia). You should call the cops on him.

Gena - posted on 07/31/2013

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You dont need to feel dissapointet with your self..you told her that she can talk and even go get the pill.I find it great that you love her and help her..keep on helping her and it will be ok.Dont regret anything because it has already happend.
I wish you and your daughter all the best..and i had my son at the age 21,my mom always says its GREAT to be a young grandma!:-)

Terrie - posted on 07/31/2013

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Thank you, I will support her all the way. I just feel so stupid and foolish for not knowing I even told her only a couple of months ago if she feels she needs to have sex then talk to me and we will go and get her the pill. X

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/30/2013

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Terrie, you just keep loving and supporting her. If she wants to keep baby, help her figure out a way to make that happen, along with keeping her schooling going, and her dreams alive. YOU AND SHE CAN DO THIS

But, make sure you get paternity established ASAP because if he's already denying a relationship, you're going to have to put him on the spot.

Best of luck to you, daughter, and soon to be grandbaby!

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