My 15yr old daughter is suffering from anxiety

Kim - posted on 07/14/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 15 yr old daughter is suffering from real symptoms of anxiety . She gets chest pains , tingling sensations , ibs, she also says that she feels strange like her life isn't real . Her symptoms have gradually got worse over the past 3 years . I've had her checked at the hospital a few times & have been told that she is healthy. They don't see her when she's crying with chest pains and her hands and feet are numb. I also suffer from anxiety & depression and I know how she feels . She doesn't understand why the doctors just tell her to do breathing exercises. She is seeing a counsellor at the moment which is helping her . Just not with the physical pain , she is a normal generally happy girl .she Enjoys school and we have a very close relationship . She's my baby girl , I don't treat her like a baby , i have 2 older boys so we spend a lot of time together. I would lay my life on the line for her. I feel her pain as if its my own , I try & soothe her but I can't give her s reason why she suffers . It's not fair & she cries for calm. I had to go into her bed last night at 3am to help her breathe through the attack . I am in total despair for her . I can tell that she is getting tired and I don't know what to do . My baby needs help , I think she might need an anti depressant , so far the docs have been reluctant to prescribe for her . She needs to find some calm . I wish that I could wrap her up and take her somewhere that she could breathe calmly . She has never been abused for those who might think that she has never come to any harm . My heart is breaking for her she does not need to suffer . She is my best friend in the whole world . She's beautiful , she is caring , she is even talking about donating stem cells and bone marrow as soon as she is old enough. She puts others before herself . She is perfect , she is my angel . I feel helpless , I'm terrified I loose her

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Jennifer - posted on 07/16/2013

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My two cents- have her thyroid checked! Take her to an endocrinologist to rule out Hypothyroidism. It displays many of the same symptoms and can come on at any age. Keep up the great work Mom, working together with her to solve the problem will build a lifetime of trust and love for her to pass along!

Kristi - posted on 07/15/2013

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Kim--

I'm so sorry for what you and your lovely daughter are going through. Anxiety and/or panic attacks have to be one of the worst experiences in the world and when you are having one for some unapparent reason, it is confusing, frustrating and even more frightening. Even "knowing" you will be fine in 30 minutes or whatever (mine could last up to 24 hours) still does not make things easier while you are in the middle of one.

I know nobody wants to medicate their children but I prayed for death during mine. When I was your daughter's age, mental health issues weren't discussed much. For the most, I was written off as a nervous kid with an eating disorder. I got so scared during mine, when I was young, I would throw up and/or have diarrhea. I was also not very cooperative with the counselors who told me that because I knew I wasn't bulimic. So did my parents. So, I went on suffering.

Finally, when I was about 18 they put me on Xanex...this was in 1989, close to 1990 and I was really messed up. The only thing I remember is that the warning label read: Alcohol May Intensify The Effect of this Drug...in my mind that meant, it will make it work better. So, I began drinking and I stayed drunk. I went college drunk, to work drunk. I drove drunk. But, I wasn't having panic attacks so what did I care. I should have cared and by the grace of God I didn't kill anyone.

Eventually, I started to get real help. I started Xanex XR, that's the extended release version. It stays in your system all the time instead of the regular Xanex that works for a short time and then you need another dose or a stronger dose. That helped but I still had horrifying attacks and they gave me a prescription for Ativan to take as needed but I couldn't keep the pill down long enough for it to work. Most of the time I wound up in the ER hooked up to an IV because I couldn't get my breathing under control, I was completely dehydrated and had violent dry heaves on top of the panic attack with the intense chest pains and the numbness in my legs and hands, so they would put the medicine in the IV. It was soooo exhausting. It usually took me a couple of days to recoup.

Somewhere in my mid-late 20's, I had a doctor who prescribed me Niravam. It's not very common to my understanding but I guess it's a form of dissolvable Xanex. I just put it under my tongue when I first feel the symptoms coming on and it gets right into my system. Because it gets in so quickly, you can use a lower dose and add to it only if you need to. I honestly believe if I had had access to this medication early on, my family and I would have been spared a great deal of pain and suffering. Granted, my case is very extreme and there is a shit ton of stuff about me I left out (thank god for small favors! lol) but I know if we could have had some control over something that seems totally unexplainable and uncontrollable, it would have made a big difference.

Your daughter is blessed to have you. It is traumatizing to go through those attacks alone. It takes a strong person to help another through these senseless attacks. Patience and love has to out weigh the frustration and unfairness and the inability to understand. That might sound like a no brainer but it's not. I am very blessed by my mom too. She's never given up on me. Your daughter will never find enough words to describe her love and appreciation for all the times you talked (will talk) her through this but it will show when she becomes a mom of her own. Anyways, sorry for going on so long...I tried to cut it short! ; ) I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers!

P.S. Next time she sees the doctor and the only advice he has is "breathe," tell her to kick him in the nuts and when he grabs his crotch and looks are at with a puzzled face, tell her to say, "breathe."

Lita - posted on 07/24/2013

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Hell Mom,
I feel your pain. This definitely sound likes anxiety attack and they can and should be treated. If your physician is not doing anything, you may truly want to find you another physician. I have 2 daughters that had the same type of symptoms, and I use to cry with them. The fast relief of treatment was xanax and they eventually were put on antidepressant. I pray for you and hopes this helps.

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Kim - posted on 07/24/2013

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Thanks to everybody who has given me advice it's very much appreciated . My daughter already is seeing a counsellor & I'm trying to find another counsellor who specialises in childhood anxiety & depression . Since my last post I have spent hours speaking to my daughter & telling her that what happens to her is nothing to be embarrassed about as she was trying to hide things from her friends and st the se time this was making her feel worse . She also told me that the 17 year old boy that she had been going out with ( I have to say again that we were not happy about this but we thought it was better to allow her to see him than her hiding it from us ) . My daughter will be 16 in January and has a very good head on her shoulders and does not go out drinking or going with boys , this was her 1st boyfriend. The boy who will be 18 next week dumped my daughter . She was utterly heartbroken making her anxiety issues a million timed worse . She has slowly started to tell me things that are not quite right . He wanted her to stay at his house every weekend which I did not let her do. If he came over to our house he would leave around 8pm so he could go & meet his friends (fair enough) but she was told that she was to stay home . Also my oldest son knows boys who drive @ they come over to visit him . The x boyfriend if he saw the cars he would ask her what they were doing and if she was speaking to them . She had to unfriend and unfollow people on Facebook & twitter. . In the end she had no friends left . He chased my daughter for a year & she liked him but she knew at 14 she would not be allowed.
She had a school trip earlier in the year but spent very little on herself but spent the most of it on him. He also wanted her to buy a fancy car stereo. She doesn't have that kind of money . So he told her that it was like going out with a little girl. She is a little girl !!!
So when she wasn't allowed to stay for weekends for sex !! And she wouldn't buy the things he wanted he said it was over . My daughter has slowly started to realise that this was not a normal relationship and I've reassured her that she had done nothing wrong , it was not her fault the way he treated her. He has been texting her and sending not very nice messages to her which have all been kept , yesterday he threatened to burn our house down . She has been brave enough to stand up for herself and tell him that he will never have control over him again. I personally want to murder him but I won't let her see that.
He's now declaring his love for someone else , just the kind of girl he wants , someone that stays at his house after going out for 2 days , to be honest I hope he catches something.
If he continues to harass my daughter I'm going to contact the police , I believe that he set out to get a young innocent girl and shower with affection and persuade her into having sex with him and telling her he loved her & when she stood up against him she was dropped , I have no hesitation in contacting the police however I don't want to put my daughter through it . She says she was ready to sleep with him & that he didn't force her . I'm so proud of her & the strength she has found to overcome her heartbreak . We will continue to battle the anxiety but I know my baby will be ok .

Tracy Ellen - posted on 07/17/2013

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I like the suggestion about thyroid. And I would suggest a psychological evaluation by a psychiatrist. If your medical insurance doesn't cover it you can ask for it through your school psychologist. This way she can begin to understand what is happening and begin to understand herself. This hopefully will help her to advocate for herself. Help her know she's not alone and SHE will get through life joyously.

Jamie - posted on 07/16/2013

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Dealing with those kind of issues myself, I feel for you both. Long story short, my parents divorced when I was 10, got into high school, met a boy ;) that DAD liked then hated then liked then hated. I had horrible teen years between dealing with the BF and parents. I DONT want to scare you but I was one of those who began cutting. I did it because it eased my emotional pain sooo much. When my father noticed it, we were at a racetrack and let's just say it didn't make for a very good night :( I was left feeling so ashamed about what I had done. Now as an adult, I have the attacks where I can't breathe and the only thing I can suggest is, as you may know yourself, if she can separate from it, meaning understand what her triggers are, tell her to fight it, breathe through it and tell her to be stronger than IT as you know she is! I myself refuse to take medicine because I know that at the time it's just something I have to work myself through and it doesn't happen unless I'm in an awkward situation or really stressed. My Husband tries to help but he's usually more scared cause he doesn't know what to do and anyone that doesn't have these issues tend to shrug it off like it's an acting job, which sounds like her drs aren't paying attention either! I'm glad that she has a Mom like MY MOM cause that's what really got me thru! She WAS my CALM.. And still is at 33 yrs old! Do you think there's something she's not telling you that would trigger it for her? Maybe it's something she thinks would hurt you and that's why she doesn't want to say anything...(?) Do you know what her triggers are?? If it's something certain, obviously you'd want to keep her away from those...Just keep reminding her of all the great things she wants to do and will accomplish. Keep being her Mom and but keep being her friend too! I hope this helps, my heart goes to you both.

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