Jeannine - posted on 07/20/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )
My husband and I got together when my daughter was 3 (and my son was 9), we got married when my kids were 6 & 12 (and his kids were 6-daughter & 11-son). My husband has a really good heart but has a tendency to be overbearing. He also has no filter on his mouth - if he thinks it, he says it. He and my son have had several blow ups over the years but now that my son is away at college and home in the summers they get along well. My daughter & step-daughter have always been very close. My daughter's bio father moved out of state 10 years ago and hasn't seen or spoken with her in the past 2 years (right after his new daughter was born).
Last year my 15 yr old step-daughter came to live with us, and she and my daughter were thick as thieves. About 3 months ago my daughter suddenly (it seemed sudden to me) stopped speaking to my husband and both of his kids. She tells me (and I can see it) that she is very unhappy, she says she hates my husband and always has - says she'd been faking it all along for the sake of the family. She says she hates her step-brother, who at 20 has limited interaction with her anyway, and now hates her step-sister. My daughter says that she's been feeling all of this for a long time but just never said anything. Like I said, from my perspective all of this came out of nowhere. My daughter & husband always seemed to have a good relationship. My daughter says she feels like I'm not on her side because I'm choosing (to stay with) my husband over her.
My husband thinks she is just being dramatic and manipulative (he frequently calls her selfish, lazy, and manipulative to her face) and that I should fix things (with my magic potion I guess). My daughter tries to stay away from home as much as possible and when she is home, she avoids everyone.
I have thought many times over the years about leaving my husband because of the way he sometimes talks to us. I often feel like he's got 2 distinct personalities: 1 I really really like and the other I totally hate. For the past 4 years he's been out of work, doesn't help much around the house, but still wants to thump his chest and be the big boss. My daughter has grown very resentful (as have I) of him.
I'm conflicted between staying with my husband and leaving him. He has nothing: no job, no money, no credit, nothing. I have love for him (nothing like when I first married him) and don't want him to bee ass-out, but I am seriously concerned about my daughter and her emotional well being. By the way, I/we have started seeing a counselor (me by myself, with my daughter, and with my husband - but never husband & daughter together), and her advice is for my husband to completely back off and give my daughter time to work through it. My husband isn't a big fan of this plan. I'm depressed all the time now and simply don't know what to do or how to do it. PLEASE HELP!!