My 16 year old daughter recently has no friends

Michelle - posted on 07/04/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter is smart, attractive and athletic. She has been to dances and was on the freshman high school tennis team. She had a small circle of friends but very consistently had plans with them. She is on the shy side so this was very nice for her. This past school year many of the friends branched out and basically dumped her, after many many years of being loyal friends. She has two friends that she still sees but they have other friends and unless she is with them, she's home. She says she reaches out to other kids in school but nothing ever comes of it. My heart is breaking as I see how alone and isolated she has become. Her grades and athletics are still strong but I believe she suffers in silence and stays in most weekends. I try to plan mother/ daughter activities which I think she enjoys but really at almost 16....she should have more of a social life with kids get own age. I happen to read many letters written about this topic and I was surprised but also reassured that this does happen and maybe I could get some support from other moms going thru this. It's just so hard to watch. I would appreciate any insight or suggestions. Thank you.

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Sarah - posted on 07/06/2016

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my own 17 yo is not a social butterfly either. Busy? Absolutely. Between sports, school and a great internship she landed this summer she is always on the go. She seems content to have some alone time and enjoys being by herself. If she seems content, then let her be.

Michelle - posted on 07/06/2016

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Thank you. Yes I think many of her friends started drinking and she didn't want to do that so they stopped including her. She teaches tennis at a camp and volunteers helping kids with special needs and will start helping at a local animal shelter. I'm so proud of her. I just wish she could do these things with friends and make new friends who share her interests. You are correct that I am pretty social so possibly it bothers me more than it bothers her. I hope that is the case and maybe in time she will form new friendships. Thank you for your response.

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2016

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You seem to be a very social person. I like the ways that you mentioned that you planned mother/daughter activities. A few years ago, I had a similar experience with my son. He just did not seem to spend time with boys his age. I suggested he go to the basketball court. I had seen a number of teen boys there. It seemed like a good place for him to connect. I had considered telling him to go to the basketball court –to force him out of his lack of social interest. Fortunately, I didn’t. I happened to be parked near the court one day on a phone call. What I heard and saw occurring between the young men and young women was very upsetting. I learned that my son was staying away because he did not want to do what the other boys were doing.
Your daughters’ friends may be pulling away because she has decided that she does not have their same interests. They may not be the right group for her. Good friendships take time to develop. I would say, pray for her. Also, does he belong to a youth group at church? You might find that is a good place to start.

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