My 16 year old moved out and has filed for emancipation

Rachel - posted on 08/26/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My daughter who is 16 has decided she hates it at home and doesn't want to follow the rules so she moved out and went to live with her 19 year old boyfriend and his baby at his mothers house. She won't tell me what is so horrible about being at home. When I ask her why she won't come home she tells me it's because I'm holding her back, but she won't tell me from what or how I'm holding her back. The only real rules at home were to help with the chores and be home by 10 pm or 11 pm In the summer. She always complained that she was the only one that ever lifted a finger to clean anything in the house. I had even let a boyfriend of here's that was kicked out of his house move in with us a while back (maybe that was a mistake). She won't talk to me about things, I have tried, she just tells me there is nothing to talk about. I tried talking to her father (who I'm divorced from and she has had almost no contact with for about 6 years now) to find out what he thinks cause he is going to have to deal with this emancipation as well. He told me in an around about way that this is my fault for letting her walk all over me and he doesn't support any of this. Being a single mom for a few years after the divorce (her brother was 4 and she was 3) was hard and sometimes it was easier to give in (not on everything). I eventually remarried and when she turned 12 she really started acting out and being defiant. When her stepdad tried backing me up on the rules she accused him of sexual assault (which she admitted to later lying about) which led to our divorce. She wasn't getting what she wanted so she manipulated the situation to get her way. She knows that when I don't have someone backing me up I tend to give in easier. This time around my current husband and I have been very careful as to put him in a situation where she could accuse him of anything. The only way to get what she wants now (to be treated like an adult and not be held back) is to move out and emancipate herself. I'm at a loss as to what to do. If I call the cops and report her as a runaway they will call the state and get child services involved not to mention she would leave home again just as soon as I got her home. She would probably go to one of her boyfriends friends houses where I won't know where she is, and I wouldn't know if it is a safe place. If I let her stay with her boyfriends mom at least I know where she is and know it's a decent place. If she feels this strong about being on her own and wants to emmacipate herself maybe I should just go with it and wish her the best. She will have to learn for herself how hard life can be. Anyone else been through this and how did you cope?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/27/2016

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In the US, emancipation is a legal process in which the teen must petition the courts and prove that they are competent to care and provide for themselves. You will be allowed to respond to the petition, but you will need to respond factually and not emotionally.

If the teen proves themselves, a judge can rule that they be emancipated.

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2016

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Have you talked to the boyfriends Mother?
Why is she allowing a minor to stay with her instead of sending her home?
If you don't agree with her choices then you fight them. She is still a minor and you are the parent.

Ev - posted on 08/26/2016

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I agree with Jodi and Sarah E. The state you live in will have certain things she will have to be able to prove to become emancipated such as being able to support herself, have a place to live, a job, and so forth. She will also have to show she is mature enough to handle things. She will also have to have a valid reason to want to be emancipated because I doubt the judge is going to allow it for the reason of not liking the rules at home.

Jodi - posted on 08/26/2016

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You can also question the age of consent where you live. She may not legally be permitted to live with her boyfriend.

Sarah - posted on 08/26/2016

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In disagree, you child is still a child. You can protest her emancipation. If the judge rule for her, fine; then she had grounds to be freed of you. If not, step up and parent

Apryl - posted on 08/26/2016

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I do believe that you have to be 16 to be emancipated, and I don't think you have to have a parents permission. But if she doesn't want to follow the rules and continues to fight against them, let her go.
If not, she's going to continue to cause problems.

Sarah - posted on 08/26/2016

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I have not been in your shoes but my opinion? Hell no! She doesn't like the rules at your house, too bad for her. I'd call the police, so what if CPS gets involved? They are there to help you not punish you. It does sound like you let her run around and be wherever she wants thus far, so getting her to realize that your rules will be enforced may be a very tough task. Do you want to let her be emancipated? If not, then fight it.
This statement bothers me:
" If I let her stay with her boyfriends mom at least I know where she is and know it's a decent place."
I don't mention this hardly ever (and I mean nearly never), but at 16 I was abused by a BF. I was not permitted to even date until 16 and the very first BF was a horrible boy. Horrible. So don't assume she is safe...

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