Ann - posted on 09/23/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )
My alcoholic brother completely messed up his life. My mother adopted his son and let him move in with her. His son has been in Special Ed for Emotional Behavior Disorders since he was 7. (or so I have figured from the school records). A few months ago, Adult Protective Services stepped in and rescued my mother from the neglect and abuse and horrific living situation my brother had created in her home. We other syblings were not aware that her dementia had progressed to the point it had and he hid it from us because he was taking money from her.
Well, I think I felt really guilty about the whole thing. I have become my mother's guardian, which is fine. She is a nice person. I have her living in my home now and am taking care of her medical and financial and legal affairs as best I can. But I also agreed to take in my nephew. His father has disappeared and doesn't seem to care about him. And my mother is his legal guardian, though the courts have judged her incompetent.
The problem is that he is HORRIBLE. No drugs or drinking at least, but he doesn't do his school work, crumples up what he does do and doesn't turn it in. Goes to school every day with supplies and then tells the teachers he has no pencils. This is a sixteen year old! He hates being in special ed so I've been trying to work with him to get him out, but he is so passive aggressive. When urged to do any work at all he becomes verbally abusive. Cell phones are against the rules at his school but he uses his constantly in class. I've told him that if they confiscate the phone I am not replacing it. He loses things over and over again. Clothes, headphones, whatever. He has lost the power chord to his phone three times in a month. Last time I refused to buy him a new one and he want out and bought one with his own money.
He has a lot of money. My mother and father adopted him so when my father passed away, Tristan began receiving sizable social security checks. He has enough in his savings to live on for a couple of years if he wants to.
He is failing Special Ed, which I hardly thought was possible. Now he is becoming verbally abusive towards me. He has only been here a few months and things are getting worse and worse. He started out being agreeable and following my rules but the lies and anger are starting to emerge as the pressure is on for him to do anything. He dropped out of the martial arts classes he begged me to sign him up for. He now says he doesn't care about school and thinks I'm a b*tch.
I wish I could send him away but my syblings want nothing to do with him. What are my options? I'm taking him to psychologists but I'm afraid all of this is too little too late. He is 16 and has to stay in school in this state until he is 18.
Any ideas are welcome.