My 16 year old son is having sex.... Need advice

Kelli - posted on 12/28/2014 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I have recently found out my son is having sex with a girl who has had 13 sex partners. She's not the kind of girl I wanted him to be sexually active with .... She's ride when she comes over and doesn't even acknowledge my existence. She know now that I know what's going on. Should I have a talk with her? My husband and I are clearly not on the same page. He says I'm pushing our son away by confronting him, telling him he can NOT have her at my house having sex.... And that they are going to find a way to do it wherever they can. I have tons of concerns and questions on what the best steps to take are. Like, should I contact her parents and let them know? Or will this cause more issues because my son will find out I tipped them off..... He already thinks I'm too involved. I know that 16 year olds want to have sex.... But I don't like it.... I'm worried about pregnancy, diseases etc. Also my 14 year old daughter is exposed to all of our family fights about this whole situation..... Would appreciate any advice.... This is tearing me up inside. Thank you ladies.

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Ev - posted on 12/29/2014

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I have to agree with the others. Also I would not go on what the "kids" told you about the girl as there is no telling where what they learned came from. It could be just a bunch of stories that have no truth to them. I am not saying this girl did not sleep with a few guys but it might be as many as the other "kids" told you or what your son has told you. Also, besides being educated about being responsible, using protection and the diseases that are out there, you should get him an appointment and get him tested for the diseases too. It would not be too early to consider and do. The girl or those kids that told you about her are not going to tell you the total truth of her escapades and you are not going to know how many she actually slept with. Because those she has been with are potential for getting a disease from. And your son needs to know this too. Some diseases take years to manifest themselves while others show up quickly. Also he needs to understand that if they have unprotected sex, he could become a father and that would mean other life choices he would have to be looking at. Give him the information he needs to make wiser choices about his sexual activities. If you try to talk to the girl's parents, or push him to far you only succeed in making things worse or you become a young grandmother.

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2014

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I was reading that your husband thinks its okay. Which is why I am concerned you have no rules, if you and your husband aren't on the same page, they aren't really house rules.

With regard to the not having sex at all, I think that's a bit of a stretch. It's probably time to accept your son IS in fact having sex and there is little you can do to control that. Just make sure he is educated and understands the responsibility that comes with being sexually active.

Kelli - posted on 12/28/2014

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Jodi
I think you may have read my post wrong.
He is not allowed to have sex at my house. I don't want him having sex at all. !!!!!!Thx for the post though.

Michelle - posted on 12/28/2014

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Firstly you should be talking to your son about using protection. Let him know that condoms don't just prevent pregnancy, they also help prevent STI's.
Secondly, how do you know how many partners this girl has had? Are you listening to gossip or has she told you herself?
Thirdly, your husband is right, the more you push the issue the more you will push your son away. You need to believe that you have raised him well and he will make the right choices. All you can do is make sure he know the consequences of his actions.

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Jodi - posted on 12/28/2014

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Why is he allowed to have sex with her in your house? Do you not have rules? My son is not allowed to have his girlfriend over if there is no-one home (and because I work down the road, I do sometimes come home unexpectedly) and he is not allowed to have a girl in his room with the door closed. Period. If they are having sex (and they likely are, I can't control every aspect of his life and everywhere he goes), it's not happening in my home particularly with his younger siblings around, that's for sure. Sorry, but there needs to be an agreement between yourself and your husband on the house rules (which clearly you have not previously agreed upon) and then your son needs to respect both those rules AND every other person in the house, including his role modelling to his 14 year old sister!!!

Michelle - posted on 12/28/2014

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No, I wouldn't be telling her parents. It's really none of your business. The only one you should be worrying about is your son.
Like I said, all you can do is hope that he will be careful and make the right choices for him.
At this age our children are finding their own way without having to be completely on their own. We can guide them but really it's up to them to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Just make sure you keep the communication lines open and don't shut him out by being too controlling.

Kelli - posted on 12/28/2014

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Hi Michelle and thank you for replying.
So we did talk to our son and my husband bought him condoms recently because we knew he and this girl were talking/ seeing each other a lot lately.
I found out from the kids that go to school with her.... They came to my house and I asked what kind of girl she is. I was told she had been with 18 guys and confronted my son. I told him I thought she was too promiscuous. He told me that the information was incorrect.... And that " she had only had 13 sex partners". So my son confirmed it. I told him, great..... You will be number 14! Gross!
Should I contact her parents so that they can keep an eye on it?

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