my 16 yr wants to date a 30yr married man

Christina - posted on 08/26/2013 ( 357 moms have responded )

3

0

0

I have grounded her and taken away all electronics . I am afraid this wont keep her away from him. and all she does now is set around the house looking sad this has gone on for a month now I am worried . what should I do

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Laurie - posted on 09/01/2013

22

0

1

Ok, wow, this is ironic, when i was 16 i to was courted by a 30 year old man. I never thought i would be talking about this on a forum of strangers but if this can be of any help to you..... im going to be blunt and honest here. I dont know what your daughters relationship is with you or her father or if he is even in the picture,but her relationship with both of you is the most important ones in her life whether you all realize it or not. My family was " MAJOR "dysfunctional. I could not talk freely to my mom without criticism or judgement and she really did not listen to what i was saying to her. My dad was an angry alcoholic, i was abused by him. I was " needy" emotionally with to many voids. So along comes this man i met through a friend of the family. He is thoughtful,kind, gives me the attention i so desired, mature, settled, at sixteen i am thinking.... this guy could give me what i have not been able to get! I was not even thinking about whether i could meet his needs because of my immaturity. Plus it was flattering that this man would pay attention to me, so pride was a factor to. SO..... i am saying all this to say something is going on in your daughters heart and head and you are in the perfect position to influence her the most by just being her mom...... are you treating her as an adult? Do you treat her with the kindness, and patience that you yourself would want to be treated with? Put yourself in her shoes. What does she need emotionally from you or her father that she is trying to get from a 30 yr. old stranger? A lot of us think that you can discipline our teenagers into correcting there behavior all the time, but in some cases there is more to it than that. Read between the lines. Do not be threatened, by what she says, really listen to her, ask questions, be patient. All of those actions spell love to any child. It never hurts any parent to re-evaluate their parenting
honestly and even to apologize to their kids when they have been harsh, critical or to demanding ! As for me, i did not get to far with that 30 yr. old man, thankfully he realized i was not mature enough. And it ended. It broke my heart, i moped for months.....Then i met a boy shortly after ,my age, fell in love, married and we have been together for 28 years! I have 3 adult children, i have been on some rough roads with them and their bad decisions, and they all have told me that just my apologizing to them when i blew it, listening to them, and my being honest even when they didnt like what i had say, helped them make better decisions, and we stayed close even in the turmoil. Your daughter is trying to be an adult, thats good! Applaud her for that, but with a broken heart, explain why you are concerned with this relationship. But she may not listen until you have listened to her non judgmentally first. I will pray for you and your family.

Angela - posted on 09/06/2013

2,457

9

322

@ Toni - if this guy of 30 is pursuing/grooming this young girl, then he certainly needs to be dealt with and put in his place by the authorities. I would never argue with that!

I'm British, but I've known of a young girl, lived in the States, with a crush on an older man who just fabricated all kinds of stuff in her personal journal which her mother found & read. The object of her desire was a sports coach at her school. I'm not certain but I believe he may even have been a volunteer. He was an upstanding member of the community and worked in public services in his regular day job. Imagine giving your services to help coach teenagers in sports and this happens to you.

The girl, rather shamefacedly, admitted to her mother that she'd made up the stuff in her diary, all wishful thinking. She was horrified how far her mother was taking it. She tried to stop her mother but apparently the mother had her eyes fixed on claiming a compensation sum. As far as I understand it, they lived in a State where the "abused teenager" doesn't get a say in the proceedings or the outcome - the parents were the ones who could insist it was taken as far as it would go. I don't know what happened in the end.

I have a daughter (she's 24) - and I also have sons (aged 25, 30 & 33). I wouldn't like any of my sons to get into serious trouble over the creative imaginings of some immature teenage girl. They all have more sense of course than to succumb to even getting involved with a teenage female (the age of consent in the UK is 16). It is quite frightening how an older (but perhaps gullible) man can have his life ruined by making friends with the wrong female company.

In the UK, if a boy of 16 has sex with his 15½ year old girlfriend, he's potentially in deep, deep trouble - even if she agreed/consented. She only has to report him to the authorities at ANY point in her later life and he's toast. However, a 55 year old man can legally have sex with a consenting 16 year old female! We just have the age of consent over here - no upper age limits on the partners of females who are 16 or over but still under 20, like some other countries have.

Also, any male over 16 who has sex with an underage girl however, can't be prosecuted unless SHE admits it happened (unless of course there are witnesses to testify that it happened).

I'd be the first to say that he should be made to face up to his crimes IF he was guilty, but before anyone rushes in there, the facts need to be checked out.

We don't know if the daughter has furnished her mother with any details about this guy other than he's married and aged 30. His full name, where he lives, where he works, how he met this teenager and exactly how far they have gone in their "relationship" - even if there IS a relationship - is unknown to us. For all we know, these finer details might be unknown to the mother as well.

If the man IS predatory, the daughter will be doing her best to withhold identifying details. If she believes she loves him, she doesn't want him to get into trouble. If it's all in her imagination and it's a crush, she'll also be withholding details - primarily to save face.

Mother has confiscated her phone. The Police are able to retrieve text messages from the phone - even if they've been deleted. They're also able to do this with e-mails on computers, but this would be a longer and more involved operation.

Some facts need to be established, and if nothing's forthcoming from the girl, then the mother needs to hand the phone over to the Police.

Sorry I can't be more helpful than that.

Kati - posted on 09/10/2013

4

0

1

I don't know if grounding is the answer. Shes not the one breaking the law. She's a child. All be it a growing, nearly adult child....the problem is that there is a pedophile breaking the law here. A 30 year old man doesn't have any business chasing a 16 year old. And as her parent, it's up to you to stand between your child and this predator, whether she likes it or not. I'd focus less on punishing her, in the traditional methods and spend more time highlighting the fact that predators like this commonly build girls up and create the illusion of romance simply to gain access to their victims. Get the police involved if he continues contact. And make it crystal clear to her, that she isn't "dating" this 30 year old...he's preying on her. There's a difference.

Barnitra - posted on 09/05/2013

5

0

0

First, how did she meet this man? You need to file a police report with all his information. They may be able to tell you something you did not know already. Also, you let this man and his wife know that you have filed a police report. Then you file a restraining order that he stays away from your daughter and if she is within 500 feet of him she too can be arrested. That is the first step to prevent any further communication, whether it be by cell or internet or in person, because it is a crime (statutory rape).

The next thing you do is get your daughter matched with a psychologist and strong mentorship program for young teenagers. Find out what she wants to become and drown her in it... whether it be dance, music, arts, sports or anything else.. The saying goes idle minds is the devils playground. She should not have a moment to think about boys or a man. If you can afford the extra cirricular there are free things to get her involved in. She is a child under your control so you have to take full responsibillity for everything she does. Making her prisoner is not the answer. It will only be for a moment. Parenting 101... children are to disciplined not punished. Discipline is a teaching moment with consequences... punishment is for criminals. Redirect her steps.... I had my son when I was 17 and I was very mature and did everything wrong, but I wanted more in life because my mother never gave up and all the things she instilled in me made me florish into a successful more of three. I had two additional children after I married at 26 years old. I'm speaking from having been that girl and now a mother of three. All my children are doing well, exceling in life becuase I kept them busy every since they were 4 years old into something. It is not to late to start and believe it or not finding something for her to do that she never thought she could do will be the two of you closer. Place her in dance or cheer, gymnastics, volleyball... modeling, acting classes... there is lots to do but make her a prisoner and hate you more and desire to be grown. It isn't just this man... there willl be many more once he's done with her.... Develop her self esteem and save your child!

Dianne - posted on 09/01/2013

2

2

0

First I would confront the man. If you don't know already if he is pursuing her in return, find out his side. I would take it with a grain of salt if he denies it. I would end the conversation with a promise that she is being closely monitored and that if you hear even a whisper of something is going on that you will tell his wife and file charges with the police...as well as notify his boss and all local newspaper, TV, and talk radio. Promise him that you will personally make sure his entire life is ruined. Most importantly, get your daughter some counseling, whether from school counselor, a pastor, support group, or therapist...immediately! Good luck and I pray that you can solve this soon.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

357 Comments

View replies by

Billie - posted on 09/13/2013

2

0

0

You should dig a whole wide and deep enough for this price of Crap Garbage push him in and start filling the hole back up. You could also call and tell his wife cause I'm willing to bet she knows nothing about it, and when she does find out she will make his life miserable and make sure to start keeping tabs on him so that he doesn't go to see any female most importantly your daughter!!! But isn't there a law where your at to protect our teenage daughters? Statutory Rape? Used to be that a parent could do that. Can you not do that where your at? Best of luck to you on that, but I just pray your daughter isn't in Love with this trash cause a teenage girls first love could be her downfall and we know that but takes her a long time to figure out and all the things she does out of love can ruin a young ladies future. I pray your able to find the strength you will have to have for her, and I pray she isn't as hard headed and blinded by love for this piece of Garbage he is. Best Luck to you and please let us Moms of daughters know how it went or goes so we too might have to cross this bridge later in life and will need the strength as well. I wish you the best and hope your daughter comes around soon. I have found that when we usually tell our Children they can't hang around or date certain guys they tens to want to do it more, call it the forbidden or just a kid wishing to prove a parent wrong or anger them for it. Teenagers tend to think they know it all and that we parents don't understand... We do, they just won't see that till they are way older. However you could also let your daughter see him for him by not supporting the relationship but allowing her to see for herself who he is. Tell her a real young lady wouldn't be the the cause of Divorce for another woman, have her tell his wife they are in love and he was going to divorce her for your daughter and of course face to face, and since no female wants to be a home wrecker tell tour daughter to wait till after his divorce if final, guarantee her doesn't want a divorce and will probably move on to another female who he thinks is dumb enough to fall for his lies. Let her see him for who he really is. And when she is hurting and she will be, you be there for her!!! Cause usually the more we say NO, the more they are determined to do so, which could and will be worse and I know you don't wish to see her all depressed in the house, unfortunately we have to allow them to make their own mistakes we can't stop what we know is a mistake or they will never know.. We want to with everything we have in us cause it's our job to protect them but we can't always. Yes after your daughter realizes he was never planning to leave his wife she will be hurting but it will also have her learn not to fall for another piece of trash like that, she won't blame you foe the pain, and it will make your relationship stronger cause you will be there for her every step of the way, and the last step she will need you the most and she won't hear I told you so, she will here Honey I'm sorry your in so much pain, if I could make it all go away I would with the snaps of my fingers. Technically you would be the one who made her see him for who he really is but not by forcing her too, by allowing her to see it and realize it herself. It will make her a more confident female and not fall for dirty old man tricks again cause she felt and experienced herself the first time around. See what I'm saying. Yea a lot of mothers are shunning me right now but for those who have a teenage daughter tell me if you were in this same situation and you told her No your to never see him again would they really listen and not do that? Heck No, they are sneaking around ditching classes on his day off and telling you they are with a friend of hers staying the night but they aren't she is staying at some sleezy hotel for the night with him. I can assure you that. We have to let our teenage girls learn to watch for slick dirty sleazy crap like this man but if they don't see what we already see and know they won't they will listen to this trash say oh your Moms just jealous, your Mom doesn't understand our love no one but us does, blah, blah, blah, any old line that he knows she wants and loves to hear. I'm just saying. This might not be the idea for you, but I know from personal experience and this worked for me. I was determined to keep her from never being with a disgusting old perv who didn't love her and I knew he didn't but knew from past friends that if I said No stay away from that person they are trouble it made her more determined to hang around that friend and got her into a lot of trouble, she got herself into the trouble ni one forced her, my daughter is responsible for her own actions but the other girl had the means to make this trouble happen yes my daughter is at fault for agreeing and going along with it but had I done what I suggesting to so now maybe she wouldn't have went along. You know that Ol' Saying, "Do As I Say Not As I Do", well our kids today are more favorable to this Ol' Saying instead "Monkey See, Monkey Do"! And if one friends doing wrong yes protect them but No just by saying that other Ol' Saying "Cause I Said So"! Help teach them to see what we already see, if we don't they never will and that a lifetime of them not seeing which means one bad egg after another, the world seems to have a lot of them anymore. I wish you all the best my heart goes out to you and I pray and hope it works our in the best interests of your Daughter, Good Luck and whatever way you decide to go please let us know. God Bless.
P.S. For those who think that I meant to do the Digging a wide large hole and to push him in alive and fill back up.... You need to get a grip, that was totally a JOKE.... I know some of you got and understood that I also know some of you are gonna be flipping out over it, get a sense of humor would ya, besides even if I had meant it and you flip out over it, makes me have to guess you don't have a daughter and if you do and then question the fact I said that then you need help... There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do to protect her cause I know first hand of what's out there and what they so to young little girls and young ladies, so yes I also have a strange sense of humor but I'm willing to guess if this mother laughed about it, cause we think crazy stuff to do all the time, our heads are fill of things and not good things, what makes a woman a good one is by squashing them ideas and looking at what is good in life and shaking them thoughts and ideas right out of her mind, those who go through with the thoughts in her head is the woman every man should avoid if he doesn't he will be living a very painful unhappy life. But then again they all say that but this mans life would be noticed. Good Luck to all the Mom's and Dad's with a Daughter, I wasn't protected as a two year old to a seven year old, I endured 5 years of face to face with my trash and a mother who knew and never protected me for her own petty selfish reasons which had nothing to do with her being abused, I was a Barter Chip even after her divorce so yes I will protect my daughter at any and every cost and then proudly pay the price for it if anyone ever hurt her but I will also teach and guide her without being her most hates enemy.

Angela - posted on 09/12/2013

2,457

9

322

@ Heather Richards, the definition of a paedophile is someone attracted to children aged between 5 years old & 10 years old. But in common usage (including classification with the UK Police) it's anyone attracted to individuals under the legal age of consent - so basically, babyhood up to whatever the age of consent may be where you live - in the UK the age of consent is 16.

But etymologically, you're right. Someone who molests a 3 year old - or a 13 year old - isn't, strictly speaking, a paedophile. Legally though, there's only one official term - and that's paedophile. There are different words for those who target different age groups.

A popular slang term used in the UK is "Nonce".

Heather - posted on 09/12/2013

180

21

24

Just for clarification, a pedophile is only sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children . . . that does not apply here.

Denise - posted on 09/12/2013

1

10

0

get a babysitter for her or better yet a mentor, big sister. i wouldnt let her out of my sight for a while or unsupervised. good luck. also call the police if you havent already and see what they can do to him.

Heather - posted on 09/12/2013

180

21

24

@Angela Barker,

The whole respect not tumps thing should be in regard to posts between responders as well. You were really harsh a couple of posts back. When this post popped up for me to add my input it did not direct me to a page where all the other posts were available. I simply read the question and responded. Perhaps April had the same experience I did. You need to wind it down a notch.

April - posted on 09/12/2013

8

0

0

hahaa.. yeah.. i'm a newbie.. i dont know how to see what people said..i was looking.... but i'll figure it out!!

Heather - posted on 09/12/2013

180

21

24

She is just trying to wear you down, tell her to get over it. Maybe see if she would go to counselling. As far as the guy goes, I would rat him out so fast it would make his whole world spin! Call his wfie, call the police, in some states it is against the law for him to have anything to do with her, even if 16 is the age of conent in your state, just because he is sooo much older. If that doesn't work threaten to tell his employer, that might get his attention. Does he go to church? Approach his pastor. Get into his life and make it really uncomfortable for him. He will see that your daughter is too much trouble for him and dump her.

Angela - posted on 09/12/2013

2,457

9

322

LOL @ April Teune.

About 95% of responders have already said this. You've said nothing new. Read my post just below yours.

No-one knows how far this relationship has gone - or even if it's a relationship anywhere outside this girl's head! He might well be a predator - but we don't know! And Christina, the lady posting the original query doesn't know either - or if she does know one way or the other, she hasn't said.

She hasn't returned to update us or provide more information so it's really a waste of time commenting, everything possible has been said now.

April - posted on 09/12/2013

8

0

0

Get the police involved!!! His wife should be involved!! Because its not just about keeping her away from him, its also and more so about keeping him away from her!!! She is a child, if she loves him so much and he loves her, then in two years they will still feel that way and can do what they want. Until then, it is unfortunately (haha),your job to protect her. And that is a Man, having an inappropriate relationship with a child. When she finally is an adult your job will change from protector to supporter and healer. But definitely have the police involved!!! They are being paid to protect and serve the community!! And, I feel, that man should be flagged as a predator.

Angela - posted on 09/11/2013

2,457

9

322

And until we DO get an update from Christina, we're just talking in circles around this issue.

We don't know the details, and we don't even know if Christina knows the details. Her opening post says very, very little. I'm therefore assuming she knows very, very little.

We can post about paedophiles and predators until the cows come home - but is it relevant? Does this man even know if this girl is interested in him, let alone that she regards their interaction as a "relationship".

At no point did Christina say that her daughter's interest in this man was reciprocated.

We're really wasting our time commenting on this AT ALL if Christina doesn't come back & give us either an update or a fuller picture.

Toni - posted on 09/11/2013

30

0

1

@ Erika Beck. True, another good point. A previous poster, Angela Baker, also pointed out that the relationship may only exist in the girls head. We dont have many details to go on. Like I said before, if he DOES know, police, wife and employer need to be told. To protect othr young girls because its just wrong. If NOT, then the girl needs help. I've posted a few other times and explain in further detail WHY I find it wrong. Guess only they know the truth though. We haven't gotten an update post from Christina.

Erika - posted on 09/11/2013

1

0

0

Why does everyone assume this man knows she is only 16? When I was 17, I told everyone I was 23 and no one blinked an eye.

Dianna - posted on 09/10/2013

1

0

0

well think about it she is 16 and you are..? well if she feels that way you do not have to as you are mum! love is a power and you want to keep her away from someone who is well over her imagination..but she has no clue of it ans she thinks she knows all from tv lol!! Well you did well to ground her and with take away stuff but also make sure to assure her without showing yourself as a worried one, as she will think wow that guy is such a big deal even mom is worried ..so in one word take her into your care as he needs it alot! no need for her to look after omens, just because he is much older there is much more out there for someone like your daughter.

Favour - posted on 09/10/2013

3

0

0

Since you love her she knows that, all you need do is to passionately and prayerfully:

I. tell her the spiritual and physical implication of polygamy
II. tell her that man doesn't love her but wicked
III tell her the joy that await her if she wait for unmarried man of her age range
III. tell her that man just want to mess up her life
God help you in Jesus name

Freda - posted on 09/10/2013

1

0

0

Talk to your daughter. Ask her what is it that is attracting to her? Remember she is 16 still learning how to deal with the changes going on with her body.she is developing into a women.. teach her how to deal with her feeling in a calm and understanding yet firm way
.

Sarah - posted on 09/10/2013

6

7

0

I think you need to talk to this man, he may not even know about your daughter's feelings. If he I'd encouraging them, then i would get police involved. And let his wife know too. But if he doesn't know about it and you go to the police you could end up hurting an innocent man. I think getting her professional help us also a good idea. Hang in there, you are a great mother, even if she can't see that right now, she will later on in life. There are moms out there who wouldn't care at all if their daughter was dating someone 3 times older than them. Keep your head up!

Whitechocolate&coconutcake - posted on 09/09/2013

15

0

6

Let her get over it she is 16. When I was 14, it took me the first two weeks of crying and pleading and the next two weeks of crying and being miserable to get over a 2 week phone relationship. Breaking up at that age is the worst thing any teenager will go through. Get her mind off of it. (Do girly things with her). SHE NEEDS HER MOMMA. Even if she doesn't say it.

Toni - posted on 09/09/2013

30

0

1

@Karen, it seems like some politicians have a taste for young girls! Hope you and your family stay safe

Toni - posted on 09/09/2013

30

0

1

To those who said, " let her see him because she's going to anyway" Then said, " be there for her when it falls apart"..........would you give her alcohol or drugs, because if you say not to, it'll just push her into it, then hold her hand as she overdoses????? No. As a parent, your children expect you to set boundaries. You can't take the road that's easiest for YOU, you need to take the difficult road because its best for HER. So, if this relationship really does exist, it needs to be stopped.

Joni - posted on 09/09/2013

85

0

1

First off instead of insisting that she doesn't see this man you need to teach her about having respect for herself. #1) this is a married man
#2)he is 30. #3) if this man is going to mess around on his wife with her does she really think this man would ever be faithful to her?
I just hope she comes to realize this is no good for anyone here not her,him,or his wife. I hope he doesn't have children with his wife because she could cause a lot of heartache for the wife and children!
We all know 30 yr old man a chance with a 16 yr old girl he is only thinking with one thing and its not the head on his shoulders.
I just hope your daughter will let this go so she doesn't get emotionally or physically hurt!

Emma - posted on 09/09/2013

3

20

0

If you stop her from seeing him then she will want to see him more, just give her then general advice don't rush into things, wait until your ready, don't feel pressurised by him and so on let her see him and be on her side and be there for her when it all goes wrong assuming it does.

Christina - posted on 09/09/2013

4

18

0

When I was 16, I attempted to date someone older that I was 'in love with'. My mothers advice was if he loved me, he would wait until I was 18. That way I was older and wiser, and he didn't get in trouble. I am 34 now, and clearly can see why she said that. She helped us 'wait' by allowing supervised interactions. Needless to say, it didn't last long.

Karen - posted on 09/09/2013

24

6

1

@Toni I couldn't agree more, you can imagine how much opposition there is to this. Its like opening the floodgates for phaedophiles. Were in south Africa.

Toni - posted on 09/08/2013

30

0

1

@karen Cringle....OMG! 12!!! That's so young! Not even a teen. NO girl is even through developing at 12. That's disgusting! I certainly hope that's nowhere near me. That truly shocked me.

Amanda - posted on 09/08/2013

82

0

27

I SO agree Robin! If it was my husband I would want to know what he was doing. And the police should know about it, even if it is not sexual. Maybe this isn't his first time with a minor.

Amanda - posted on 09/08/2013

82

0

27

Do you know this man's name? If so, maybe YOU should have a talk with him about what is going on. Yes, maybe he will lie to you. BUT, atleast YOU wil get to tell him what's on your mind.

Angela - posted on 09/08/2013

2,457

9

322

Despite my previous two posts, everyone's still assuming that this girl is genuinely SEEING this man, that he is predatory, the relationship existed/still exists and it is sexual.

The mother has not confirmed that her daughter actually HAD any kind of a relationship with this guy, or that she's had any proof it was real (outside this girl's imagination) - or how far the relationship went. All she says is that her 16 year old WANTS to date a 30 year old married man.

I was not much younger than this girl when I imagined myself in a whole committed relationship with a guy I met ONCE, danced with and kissed a few times. A year or so later, not having a boyfriend, I invented one. Gave him a name, said where he lived, everything. Even phoned up the local radio station to have a dedication to me from him read out over the air on my birthday. He didn't even exist! Goodness only knows what damage I could have done via my imagination to someone who really DID exist.

Girls have crushes, infatuations etc ...

Now, he could very well be real, involved with this girl at some level (perhaps at a very innocent level - shows her kindness and cares about her welfare etc ....). He could also be a full-on predator - I am not disputing that this might be the case 100%. Just let's not jump to conclusions at either extreme. There's too much at stake - at one end we have a young girl who may be getting taken advantage of by a predator, but at the other end we have a possibly innocent man losing his good reputation in the community, marriage & family broken up, unemployment etc ....

If he DOES know the girl and his interest is only as a kind of mentor, then he needs to recognise some boundaries. If he's a professional (e.g. school teacher, health worker, sports coach, youth leader etc .....) he should already KNOW the boundaries which, by the way, are in place to protect HIM as much as HER.

She needs to have the self-esteem to set boundaries with EVERYONE she knows - we all need to have this in place, at all ages.

We cannot really comment on this dilemma without knowing more. Which begs the question - does the mother know very much about it all herself? She has said very little on here. We don't know if she even knows the identity of the 30 year old married man that her daughter is wanting to date!

My advice in my earlier post still stands. The mother has the phone, the Police can still retrieve texts that have been erased.

And can people at least read the last 8 posts to the thread before commenting!

Karen - posted on 09/08/2013

24

6

1

What is the underage age there? I would definitely use this against him. Over here theyre making it 12

Sari - posted on 09/08/2013

1

0

0

Christina, you need to contact the authorities and have them question this man. Like others have said, your daughter will find a way to see him. When I was 18 i met a man who was 33. I had just broken up with my high school boyfriend and was devastated. The year prior my father passed and I was still grieving. This man took full advantage of my vulnerability and pursued me. I did everything I could to spend time with him using my friends as alibis. This lasted for several years. Looking back today, 25 years later I see he was a pedophile. He's the one that needs to be stopped. Your daughter will be mad, but will get over it. Tell her she deserves better and seek counseling. She is filling avoid and will do this over and over again with the wrong men. I know, I did the same. Stop it now, please.

Keghtor - posted on 09/08/2013

1

0

0

Isn't that child molestation? She's not even eighteen yet. I think you should seek legal advice.

Mary Grace - posted on 09/07/2013

8

0

1

When a young girl becomes infatuated with an older man, it usually is to fill an emotional void, that her father has not been able to fill. This is very dangerous. many times the men who get involved with young girls have emotional issues themselves. And always they are predators, and sex addicts. AND never is this a healthy situation. It must make you sick to think what this sicko will do to your daughter! Use that energy as momentum to protect her! The guy is married makes it even more dangerous for your daughter. if there is no father in the picture, YOU must be the PROTECTOR of your offspring. Get your man on!

She WILL find a way to meet him secretly if you forbid but do not enforce by taking account of where she is in every moment of her life. She needs therapy NOW. Find a child psycologist and get her the help she needs. AND do not let her out of your periphial vision. Some one below suggested comfronting him and telling him that if he doesnt leave your daughter alone, you will expose him to his wife, and his job...if he has one...his church...everyone in his community. Also you can get the police involved if need be.

But please get her therapy, because this emotional void needs to be dealt with!

Prayers for you and her,
Mgw

Natasha - posted on 09/07/2013

44

9

0

Tell him if he doesn't leave your daughter alone you will expose him through Facebook and to his employer, tell him you will make his life hell.. good luck

Hannah - posted on 09/07/2013

7

6

0

As someone who was a 16 year old girl that was allowed to marry a 21 year old man, KEEP HER AWAY FROM HIM and someday, a long time from now, she will thank you. Do NOT let her date or be around this "man"!!! There is absolutely nothing good that could come of that. Believe me. There is a huge difference between a 16 year old and an adult. I did not know that back when I was still that age (even though I knew everything, of course), but there are huge differences with everything from biological brain maturity to social expectations and understanding, etc. If you hold strong and be her Mom (which is what it sounds like you're doing), she'll be very mad at you for a while...and thank you later. If you let her see this "man", she will loooove you now, and hold resentment and anger for you once she matures enough to realize how messed up it was that you let her get in to such a dangerous situation...and that resentment towards you could very well be lifelong. That's my informed opinion. I wish you the best.

Toni - posted on 09/06/2013

30

0

1

@ Angela, We DO need more detailed info to make an informed opinion, true. If the theory of, "he's seeking her" I hold to my previous post. If its "she's got an infatuation" then she needs counseling. Either way, they need to be kept apart. If its HIM, he needs to be called out and proper steps taken to make sure he's not able to harm any other children or young girls. If its HER she needs to be in therapy because she could possibly break up a happy home, get a man fired and in legal trouble, and destroy more than her own life. More info would be helpful. Does this mom already KNOW how far this has gone? Good point Angela Barker.

Angela - posted on 09/06/2013

2,457

9

322

How do you know about this "relationship"? What do you know about it?

How do you know it isn't just a crush and she's filling in all the blanks herself on how she'd want it to be? I agree that you should contact the man and discuss it with him.

How do you even know he's married? Some men tell the young girls who have infatuations with them that they're married (even though they're not) because they want to put them off. Most men DO have the sense to realise that a teenager with a crush on them is "jailbait". Let's not assume that this guy is guilty - everyone's screaming "Paedophile" and all the title of the opening post says is that her 16 year old WANTS to date a 30 year old married man - not that she's actually dated him, not that he's interested in dating HER.

He could well be a predator but we need more information from Christina.

Margaret - posted on 09/06/2013

3

16

0

Is the father in the picture if not that is most likely what she is looking for alot of girls feel reject from the father if he is around they need to do father and daughter today out at least 1-2times a month good luck

Connie - posted on 09/05/2013

4

0

3

The girl is screaming "LOVE ME". Sadly, she's finding that love in a place that is not desirable.
I agree with all the comments about getting her a hobby - but I'd take it one step further. You and her should get a hobby together. Mother/daughter yoga, take zumba together, learn to paint together. If you can afford it - go on a trip. Make her know that SHE is important to YOU. Treat her right with respect and love. Taking things away from her and punishing her is only going to create more tension - there seems to be a need to heal - not create more pain.
I'd also explain to her that a man that cheats on his wife is a man who has his own issues - and that she has her whole life ahead of her - she doesn't want to get tied down with his family's problems. I would ask around - find a former mistress who thought that her "man" was going to change once they were together and get her to explain the realities of life.
At that age, she thinks she knows it all. She wants control of her life and her future. It's your job to allow her the latitude to make decisions that are appropriate for her age - and therefore satisfy the desire she has to spread her wings without ruining her future.

Tawanna - posted on 09/05/2013

10

10

1

LEISA, I don't agree with the part about contacting his employer. He may end up losing his job. which in turn, if he's the main breadwinner, he won't be able to provide for his family. As for his wife, hopefully she won't call the cops on her for harassment or stalking. but i do agree with getting the police involved. anything else would cause serious repercussions against her and the daughter.

Leisa - posted on 09/05/2013

2

0

0

Where is your daughters father. This would be a good time for him to step into the situation if possible. A girl seeking a relationship with such an older man has some issues with her father. Second, any 30 year old man pursuing a 16 year old girl understands that he is breaking the law, unless he is mentally disabled. He understands that it is inappropriate. He should be brought out into the open where the "community" can judge him. You should call the police and start a report on this man. However, if your daughter finds out, she will be angry with you. Be ready for that. Next, the man's wife needs to be contacted and his employer. Instead of trying to keep your daughter away from him.....make it undesireable for this man to seek out your daughter. Police, community, wife and employer. The will do he trick. Finally, your daughter needs to develop some kind of positive relationship with her own father or a grandfather or uncle. She also needs to become active in sports, dance, acting, music, something. Prayers for you to have strength and for your daughter to see the truth.

Chandra - posted on 09/04/2013

41

0

5

i feel the best thing to do if i were in your position is help your daughter understand what kind of man this is, If he were a decent man he would not be appraoching an underage girl and he would not be willing to have an affair with her, you need to explain to your daughter that he is not someone she wants in her life and you can tell by his actions , he is not trustworthy he obviously has alterior motives and can be dangerous honestly she shouldnt see any man that is past the age of 18 most men in there mid 20's to late 30's are very dangerous irresponsible and inconciterate , she needs to understand your trying to protect her from this man who has already shown her his true colors that she refuses to see , there is no need to meet him and find out what sort of human being he is because you have already figured that out by his actions alone! dont doubt yourself and dont worry about your relationship with her m first and foremost you are her mother and there are rules established to keep her safe, in the end she will always be your daughter and she will always come to you even if it seems as though your relationship is strained now it will mend itself later ,just try explain your concerns to her and why you feel this is dangerous and not in her best interest, she may protest as all children do but in the end remember you have planted the seed now it just has to grow and blossom in her mind for her to see you mean well ; do not worry or doubt yourself you have done the right thing :)

Nneka - posted on 09/04/2013

9

27

0

You definitely want to continue to keep that bond with your daughter. Teenagers make mistakes in life but us as parents have to guide them. I know it wouldn't be an easy thing to meet this guy. But I think an acquaintance is definitely in order. I would definitely talk to him and see where his head is and why he wants to date your daughter, vice versa?! He is 1/2 his age and already married. What could possible come out of this relationship? He should be ashamed of himself. I'm surprised you haven't called the police and filed statutory rape! Just please be careful.

Diana - posted on 09/04/2013

17

20

0

Marilyn, lousy advice! So in your opinion, she should allow her 16 yr daughter date this " nice 36 yr old MARRIED man!" Nice men don't Cheat on their wives and nice man wouldn't prey on an underage girl!

  1. 1
  2. 2
  3. 3
  4. 4
  5. 5
  6. 6
  7. ...
  8. 8

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms